Does jealousy really help you get that person back?

[edweird256]

My girlfriend basically broke up with me 2 weeks ago (she wants an open relationship because she's starting to like some guy she JUST met, but to me an open relationship is just BS). Well, I've been depressed and feeling crappy for the past 2 weeks, but I've made some new friends. And these past 2 weeks I've also been hanging out with these new friends and going to places with them and all. In that group of friends, is a girl that I think is attracted to me. She always flirts with me and stuff. Yesterday, I put up a new picture of me up on Facebook and that girl was the first one to "like" that picture and she commented on it saying how cute I was. And so I decided i'd be nice to her and tell her how pretty she looked in one of her pics. Well, my girlfriend went crazy. She texted me saying stuff like who's that girl, why's she saying that stuff to you, do you like her?, stuff like that. So I know she was jealous. And instead of calming her down, (I wanted to sort of get back at her, I guess)I lied and told her that I thought that girl was "pretty hot and nice, she's really friendly with me" and that we might go to the movies soon. Well, she freaked with jealousy, which I responded with "Didn't YOU want an OPEN relationship? Or what? You thought that just YOU could have the fun of meeting a new person, and I had to just sit there and weep over you while you got over it?" She cried. I felt like a dick, but I mean, c'mon. She's the one that wanted an open relationship, so I don't know why she's freaking out all of a sudden.

So if I keep this game up (making her jealous subtly and being confident and not showing sadness over her leaving our 3 year relationship for a fatass), will this eventually make me "irrisistable" to her again? Obviously she still has feelings for me. I was wondering if playing this little game will help me get her back.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Keep pursuing the new girl. You really shouldn't invest more time in your ex-gf since she clearly is not ready for a serious relationship. You should keep your ex on the back burner though and drop her once you and the new girl are more serious.

[edweird256]

I have no intentions of hurting that new girl, or using her in any way. I'm not leading her on or flirting with her or anything like that. In other words, I'm not interested.

What I want to do is make it seem like I'm happy and that I'm done crying over my girlfriend's decision. Although, I'm still pretty sad and depressed, I want to be confident in myself when I talk with my girlfriend and like...make her think that my mindset right now is; "I'm hot and single and I'm gonna have fun with girls." Because I know it kills her.

This morning she texted me saying "Good morning handsome, how did the most handsomest guy in the world sleep?" and I was just like wtf.. And this whole day she has been extra nice to me, and treating me like her only one and like these 2 weeks never happened.

So I'm guessing she really IS afraid to lose me. I just want to keep her afraid. Not hurt her, but keep that fear lingering in her mind. I want it to sink in and not let her sleep at night, the same as she did to me. Do you think that could work?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She does fear losing you, but that's only because there's nothing else lined up yet. Just tell your ex to stop contacting you unless she wants to try again at a serious relationship, nothing else. Ignore any further contact.

[bulrush]

Well, don't play jealousy games with your ex. You might get back together for a short time, but it usually ends badly.

[Rabbitt]

I've been in a similar situation bro and I can tell you right now how both ways can go!

Path 1: You stay loyal to your ex and you're gonna end up miserable and her ending up banging other guys under your nose and when you say something about it'll she will lay it down on you and you'll feel like an asshole while you haven't done anything.


Path 2: Go for the new girl and you're gonna end up being either happy or miserable, if u go fast with her she'll become a rebound and you're gonna end up thinking about your ex thus miserable, but if u go slow and spend time with her in a casual way first (ofcourse flirting is always good hehe ^^) you're going to end up really really happy.


Also if you pick the new girl, your ex (I predict) will become jealous and may give signs that she wants you back while deep down she just wants the attention, don't fall for it though because she seems like a skank and you're better off without her because telling you that she wants an open relationship(TRANSLATION: I wanna see you but I wanna touch other dicks) That's messed up bro


You go ahead and take a pick !

[edweird256]

Thanks for putting out your experience, man. It helps. I may have made my girlfriend sound way worse than she is. I've been with her for 3 years, and I know she's not a slut. When she was telling me all this open relationship BS, and me out of fear of completely losing her agreed, SHE was the one that made me promise it would just be dating, that we wouldn't sleep with anyone else. I trust her, but I also know promises can be broken. But really, lucky for me, she's not the kind of girl that will just go and sleep with him right away.

Maybe I'll start getting interested in the new girl one day, but right now, eh. My heart has no desire to feel anything for anyone right now. I am in the shits. I just hope this doesn't completely kill my desires to love, get married, kids, and all that. Sigh.

[Rabbitt]

Well you can't really check what she's going to do on dates you know? Maybe she made the promise so that you would hold on to it but in the meanwhile she may be getting some.
Also she may not be a slut if you believe that then that's fine. But you have to remember that you have to take care of yourself right now, also what you are feeling right now is pretty normal just take some time and don't rush anything. If you want to keep seeing this new girl that's all up to you, maybe she can make you smile you'll never know unless you take your chances.


Eventually you'll hunger for love again it just takes time and depends on what you want to do in your life. For example in mine I have gone through a horrible break up this year and it completely stopped every desire for any kind of relationship at all but only because I want to do what i've always wanted to do and that's traveling and getting the F*** out of my country which I am unable to do if I was involved with someone. I don't have time or room for anyone else in my life atm but that doesn't stop me from having fun with girls when I hit the club or something.

It sounds cruel when girls start to like you and you're ignoring their feelings like I do, but if I want to be happy in life I have to do what I have to do and there's no way i'm going to find happiness here in The Netherlands, it's in my blood to be somewhere else and do things that other people wouldn't think of doing.


Bottom line is sit down in a comfortable chair look up in the sky and just relax and think of what you would like to do before you can't anymore (due to age, children or marriage), take care of your business or maybe even hit it off with the new girl. In my country we have a saying that on every barrel fits a lid, meaning that there will be somewhere out there that fits you and you'll have a lovely life with it may not be your ex and it may not be this new girl but there will be someone I can promise you that.

[HeartIsAching]

Thanks for putting out your experience, man. It helps. I may have made my girlfriend sound way worse than she is. I've been with her for 3 years, and I know she's not a slut. When she was telling me all this open relationship BS, and me out of fear of completely losing her agreed, SHE was the one that made me promise it would just be dating, that we wouldn't sleep with anyone else. I trust her, but I also know promises can be broken. But really, lucky for me, she's not the kind of girl that will just go and sleep with him right away.

Maybe I'll start getting interested in the new girl one day, but right now, eh. My heart has no desire to feel anything for anyone right now. I am in the shits. I just hope this doesn't completely kill my desires to love, get married, kids, and all that. Sigh.

You really WANT your ex back? I mean c'mon... you've already seen that she has a double standard. She's allowed to go out on dates and like other guys, but you're not? Really?

No, playing games is not a good idea in a relationship. That shit it best left in high school. Oh wait...

[Dune]

Your ex has thoughts of leaving you. Meaning she is just not that into you. Think about it.. If a girl really loves you, why would she ever think of leaving you? Through thick and thin right? Maybe it's a little naive/ideal to believe in such things, but still, you don't want this happening in the future right? What if you decide to invest in your ex and the whole thing blows up anyway. After all, she already has thoughts of leaving you. If she chooses to be in an open relationship, by all means, go out girl-hunting. She's just jealous because, well, she's a girl. Sorry if I sound sexist.

Don't play games with your ex. Don't waste your time.

[devonbrown]

Playing games are never a good idea in a relationship. It may work short term, but will bite you in the long term.

I would also re-evaluate why you want to be with the ex in the first place. She obviously would rather have her cake and eat it too. She wasn't interested in a serious, committed relationship with you, so why do you want to try it with her again.

Once you break up, or take a break, or see other people, or try an open relationship, it is REALLY hard to go back to just a one-on-one romantic relationship. The issues that caused the breaks in the first place are normally not fully resolved to make a relationship solid again.

Good luck.