I gave it up already.. Now what?

[151]

In July I stopped at a gas station on my motorcycle with a few friends and went in the store to get a drink. *This guy walked up and handed me a CD and started talking to me we exchanged numbers. *He lives in CT and I live in NJ which is about a hour 15 min drive. *At the time he didnt have a car. *He invited me up there three times and I said I'd go but things came up and it didn't happen. *We text each othere here and there but for the most part I was the one not responding right away. *

I guess he just backed off but this past week*I texted him and told him that we should seriously chill n that I won't stand him up. *

I went to see him and I'm pretty shy and he acted pretty shy but we talked a lot. *He said it sucks that i live all the way in NJ. *He is from the Bronx which is not far but hes away at college. *He said that we both have cars so we could both go to see each other. *He had bought a car in August and said he didn't come see me because I never invited him. *I didn't because I didn't know he got a car.

Well.. He lives in the dorm so that night me him and his friends started drinking. *His friends liked me and told him to wife me. *So we all got kinda drunk and went to a club. *At the club me and him started to kiss. *He was real affectionate towards me holding my hand and we danced a bit. *When we got back me and him went to his room and his friends were in the common area. *Me and him ended up having sex I didn't go down on him nor did he. *We slept together n cuddled. *We woke up in the afternoon and I told him that I had to go soon because I had homework. *He seemed a bit disappointed and asked me to go eat before I left. *I stayed a bit longer and then left. *

We both agreed we should see each other more often. *Now here is what I'm unsure of what to do. *He hasn't initiated convo but I have text him good morning. *Can I get him to take me serious? What if I gave the impression I was just looking to hook up? I'm really interested in him and wish I would have paid attention to him from the start. *Is it too late because I gave it up already? *Should I wait a bit then ask him to come or go see him? *Any advice from a guy would help. *Thanks in advance

[Cerby]

He might be unsure of what to do, its kind of funny and I've been there. Even after taking the appropriate amount of time getting to know someone, I always wonder what the best move is to make after you sleep with someone the first time. Do I wait to be contacted? Do I wait a few days and initiate contact? As a guy, these are things I think of.

I don't think you've ruined anything, just talk to him and make sure the connection doesn't break down because you're both unsure of the next move.

[151]

Thank you Cerby. I hope that's what it is. I figure I'll ask to see him next week on the weekend and see how that goes if he don't start initiating anything then I'll just let him be.

[AnnonymousMan]

Quit pursueing complicated relationships.

[Yet another guy]

*Can I get him to take me serious? What if I gave the impression I was just looking to hook up? I'm really interested in him and wish I would have paid attention to him from the start. *Is it too late because I gave it up already? *Should I wait a bit then ask him to come or go see him?

If you want him to take you seriously and are worried that he got the wrong impression, you need to talk to him about it and let him know you're interested.
It's not too late. Having sex is a great way to start dating in my experience. I don't know about the waiting but I see you've made your decision about that. I'm glad that you chose to take the initiative yourself.

[bulrush]

The key here is communication.

*Can I get him to take me serious?
Yes, if you tell him clearly what you want. At least you can try.

What if I gave the impression I was just looking to hook up?
If you want more, tell him exactly what you want. Do you want to date him exclusively? Or do you want to date him and other people? Just be honest with yourself about what you want, and tell him. Then if your mind changes, TELL HIM right away.

I'm really interested in him and wish I would have paid attention to him from the start.
So, pay more attention to him now.

*Is it too late because I gave it up already?
No. TALK TO HIM.

*Should I wait a bit then ask him to come or go see him?
No, if you wait, it will confirm that you just wanted to hook up. ACT LIKE you want more, by going to see him, and by telling him you want more.

Why is it so hard for people just to say what they want? I've had sex a few times on the first date, and they turned into WONDERFUL relationships, because I told them that I wanted more of a relationship. Communication=happiness.