My guy best friend likes me..How should I react?

[tannietannie]

Hi. Thank you for reading
I have a best friend and we usually told each other love you, <3 and babe and stuff but those were not really meant... anyways so he just told me that he likes me. I have shared everything from my personal life to my love life with him. I told him that I want to stay as friends and he also agreed that it will be better for us to just be friends.

But I was really selfish because he asked me if he could give another girl a chance because she likes him, i said i will be really sad to lose you as my besties because you were always here for me.....He said he will do whatever pleases me, then everything seemed to be back in place but since last night, he replies to my texts so slow, though he is saying that he is watching something... and even in facebook he replies really slow...

I messaged and texted him few times and he replies like nothing happened but really late and kinda short..
Im really sad, I dont wanna lose him as my best friend..
What should I do? Should I act like nothing happened?

We are both 18...

[Drumzzz]

i'm kinda in the same situation here so i think i know what i'm talking about...

i think you should really feel bad!
not only did you hurt his feelings, but you even made him feel guilty if he tried to get over it fast and seek comfort with another girl!

wtf were you thinking?
losing him? you should've thought of that sooner!

he's probably just crying his eyes out right now, that's why he's responding slow
have you even tried to meet him since then?

start by doing that, talk..
and even if he says he doesn't want to see you he probably does want to
yeah guys can be that stubborn in this situation

[Sweet Lemon]

'You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to want me' comes to mind in this situation.

I could be wrong here but your post sounds kind of like you're dealing with the green eyed monster. Are you absolutely 100% positive that you don't have or can't develop romantic feelings for your friend?

Sometimes you don't see it at first when you've been friends for so long, but you can have the most awesome relationship of your life with someone who has been your 'partner in crime' for ages. Let me list a few points here and see if any of them strike a chord with you ok?


1) Think about it... He actually ASKED you if you'd be okay with him dating someone. This is a rare display from a man! Half the time they're so concerned with being a bad ass they can't get beyond the bullshit and get in touch with how they're feeling. The subtext here is 'You are number ONE and I don't want to hurt your feelings or blow any chances I might have with you' please don't take this rare display for granted because he is doing the honourable thing instead of messing with your head.

2) He is taking so long to respond because he's probably having fun with the new girl but dealing with issues of guilt and confusion because on one hand he wants to be happy, he wants to be physical with a girl and maybe even dabble in a relationship BUT he really wishes it were you and he doesn't want to blow his chances with you OR her so he's trying to juggle the both of you without hurting either of your feelings. Guys that cheat do it by choice and should be castrated. Guys that get caught in the middle of two girls through not fault of their own struggle with how they're supposed to handle it and the inevitable feelings it brings to the surface.

3) He only agreed it was better to be friends because he doesn't want to lose you but if someone asked him what he REALLY wanted I bet it would be you in a romantic context.

The best thing you can do right now for him and for your friendship is make sure you're 100% certain that you do not and will not ever want a romantic relationship with him because if you let it go too long and he gets really smitten with this girl you are going to get your heart broken in a big way. If you know for sure that it will always be platonic then ease up on the phone calls and text messages and accept the girlfriend and try to be her friend too. Us girls are pretty intuitive and she will pick up on the fact that he has feelings for you and she will be jealous as all hell if he's keeping you separate from their relationship. In the long run this might cause her to ditch him out of insecurity and then he will be heart broken and as his bestie you'll have to pick up the pieces and listen to the long hours of endless moaning about how much he loves her and misses her. *gag* LOL! Hope this helps!

~Lemon

[MynameisJesus]

In my first year in college I shared a student appartment with ten people.
One of them was Cathy. She was beautiful and I felt like we connected. I had my first major crush on her.
But she had a BF and I hated it.
After 2 years I had been drinking too much at a party and she found out that I was in love with her.
She didn't tell me but all of a sudden she avoided contact with me even though she used to like me as a friend.

I got hurt because of it, but in hindsight I believe she made the right decision because I was not interested in genuine friendship.
She could have used my attention but she didn't. And at the moment it feels like this is where you and her make different decisions.

Your friend is not interested in genuine friendship either and instead of thinking about yourself in the first place, you should think about him.
You don't want him as a lover but don't want him to give an other girl a chance?

That is Selfish with a huge capital S.
It seems like you don't even allow him to take a distance from you which is what he needs to get over this

[tannietannie]

Yeah I was really selfish. I don't even wanna give him some space to think.... I texted him that I wanna talk with him but still no reply..
I feel lost and confused.

[tannietannie]

You are right. Maybe I do like him but for some reason I'm scared. Just thinking that he is hangingout with other girl makes me feel so bad. :/

[Sweet Lemon]

Tannie,

What's to be scared of girl? He's your BEST FRIEND! The one person you feel the most comfortable and secure with. If you want him GO GET YOUR MAN! You already know you have the upperhand over this other girl. She'll be a distant memory in no time if you're completely honest with him. Just tell him that you're scared of ruining the friendship and that is why you haven't acted on his confession but if he's still willing to give it a shot you are willing too. Trust me on this if you're feeling so down because he has a girlfriend that's a pretty big sign that what you're feeling is more than friendship. I've got plenty of guy friends and I don't give a crap about who they're dating because they're just my buddies.

Good Luck!

[MynameisJesus]

You are right. Maybe I do like him but for some reason I'm scared. Just thinking that he is hangingout with other girl makes me feel so bad. :/

I really wonder why.
No offence but I'm so often stunned by how a female brain works.
If a guy is always there no matter what he will be taken for granted and he is nothing more than a friend or a pushover.

Then all of a sudden the attention stops, an other woman appears and all these feelings arise and you fail to give them a place.
Is it love? Is it a sick form of jealousy? I don't know but it happens all the time.

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my cousins. She's the only female I'm very close friends with because I know to what misery friendships with females can lead.
She told me there was this guy that was interested. They were friends but he wanted more and she refused.
He was so nice and caring but he just wasn't her type she said.
They went out together last week and other girls were approaching her friend. He gave her far less attention and she can't take it.

This guy was not her type at all and now he shuts down the attention all of a sudden she has these confusing feelings.
Now it seems like he is her type after all because she thinks about him all the time. He's still the exact same guy as 4 weeks ago though.
It seems like jealousy is the ultimate soft spot for a lot of women and if those are the dynamics behind love and attraction I really pity all these women

Relationships remind my of my border collie puppy. If you run after him he just runs away and takes you for granted.
If you run away from him like your friend is running away from you, suddenly he starts loving you.

[jil]

common problem!!
i think u should not hurry into ny kind of love relationship,,it might give u a feeling of regret later!
wait and let ur and his feelings 4 each other grow.and sooner than later u would would come to kno what u want.

[Sweet Lemon]

Jesus,

I love your post! In the words of the legendary Jonie Mitchell 'Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone.'

Women don't understand the male brain either. What's up with cheating on someone you love and then crying about it when you get dumped? I know women are guilty of it too but that's stereotypical behaviour that I have been on the receiving end of and have never understood LOL.

Ex: But I love You *sob*
Lemon: That's great and all, but your trouser snake loves everyone!

[tannietannie]

I did not change how I feel for him after he stopped talking. We always said to each other love you and stuff but in a joking way. I just thought over it and maybe I am fine or I am not fine. But one thing for sure, I don't wanna lose him... I never took his love and kindness to me for granted..

[tannietannie]

.. Thank you Sweet Lemon. I will give him some space to think. The only thing that matters is that I don't wanna lose him

[jil]

tanie,
often not wanting to loose sm1 might drive u in to corrupted relationships,,,so my advice will still b to take time nd wait to let things happen!