Cheating. Why?

[stuckies]

Not looking to judge, but I'm interested in knowing the reasons why guys cheat?
Have you ever serial cheated? Even those who know how much they have to lose still cheat. Was there ever a characteristic type you went for?

Yes this does have a LONG back story didn't want it to influence peoples answers


Does it all come down to how you felt about yourselves even though you may have had a 'good' relationship?

[Dune]

I'm a guy. Never cheated. My ex did.

My opinion on people who cheat is that:
a) They have low self esteem and they cheat to feel that they have some degree of control over other people's emotions
b) They have little regard for the feelings of others/ don't care too much and are selfish and most of the time, they go for immediate gratification
c) Some people aren't as serious in a relationship as their partner and are still childish/immature and handle their responsibilities as a partner badly and end up giving in to temptations (poor self control)

I do believe that some cheaters (and I mean SOME) do not have such cruel intentions to hurt another so badly, rather they are unaware as to the consequences of their actions. Usually life lessons will set them straight. However, some cheaters are just plain impulsive/selfish people who don't give a **** about their partner's feelings.

My 2 cents

[stuckies]

thank you for your thoughts.

Now I know - I read time and time again in surverys, they say sex is not the primary reason for stepping out, it's other factors. Do you buy that?

[Dune]

IMO, sex and sexual contact is really a key factor in relationships. Everyone has a different appetite for sex, so I guess matching appetite's for it is a recipe for a good relationship.

That doesn't mean that sex is all there is. There are also many other ways that a partner can fulfill you.

When choosing a partner, so many factors come into play. It will be awesome if the sex is out of this world, but if it's just above average and your partner still fulfills you in many other ways, that person is still a keeper to me.

Sex is important but non-essential for the survival of a relationship. I've also read somewhere that said something similar. Goes something like "without sex, love can still last, but lust cannot." This is just my take on the issue

[bulrush]

I'm a guy. Never cheated. Even though I was in a bad relationship I never cheated. I have more self-respect than that.

Guys cheat for many reasons.

1. They don't get enough sex of the type they are looking for. Maybe he wants to try something new that she doesn't.
2. Their gf is crabby or materialistic, demanding, or micromanaging. Or just has a bad personality, and the man is too weak to break up with them, because maybe the sex is good.
3. The man has low self-esteem or low morals.
4. The man just wants the excitement of cheating
5. The man wants variety of partners.

My problem is guys who cheat make ME look bad. If they want multiple partners, they should man up and tell each girl they want to see other girls.

"without sex, love can still last, but lust cannot."

For me I need sex for the love to last. Sex is a way to bond closely with the other person, it's an emotional thing for me.

[Dune]

For me I need sex for the love to last. Sex is a way to bond closely with the other person, it's an emotional thing for me.

Yes I do agree with sex as a medium for emotional bonding. I was referring to it in a more physical manner. Likeness to how some people are just in it for the sex. In other words, they just care for the person's bodily parts, not the actual person.

Also, the problem is that guys who cheat tend to get the spotlight. There are plenty of good guys out there, and I don't agree with letting a few assholes paint the picture for all of us guys. I guess you'd just have to be a better judge as to who you allow into your life.

[stuckies]

don't they ever consider the consequences? Especially if they've been caught out before?

[Wakeup]

I don't think they consider the consequences because they are self-absorbed and live for their own gratification while being too insecure to leave or fix who/what they are unsatisfied with/in. They are inable to be empathetic to what pain their actions create because it is all about them and fk everyone else.

[stuckies]

but surely if they've broken past relationships in the past due to cheating, they can't be that dumb to ignore the possible consequences?

In this instance it's a divorced guy with kids who has got back together with baby mama no2 - whom he cheated on - she's taken him back and he's looking to step out on her again. How messed up in the head do you need to be?

[Wakeup]

Who is mixed up in the head in your opinion? The cheater who has no intentions of being monogamous with this woman or her for taking him back for more of the same treatment. Who's more dumb?, the cheated upon or, the cheater. Both people in your scenerio have something missing in themselves they have an emotional void of sorts and so they try to fill that hole with someone as messed up as they are. Like attracts, like.

[Dune]

Who is mixed up in the head in your opinion? The cheater who has no intentions of being monogamous with this woman or her for taking him back for more of the same treatment. Who's more dumb?, the cheated upon or, the cheater. Both people in your scenerio have something missing in themselves they have an emotional void of sorts and so they try to fill that hole with someone as messed up as they are. Like attracts, like.

Though I agree that the cheater cannot cheat without the 'cheatee' allowing the person to, the cheater is still very much in an advantageous position so to speak. Undeniably, a cheater should not cheat and a cheatee should not allow themselves to be cheated on, but as human, we may find it hell of a difficult when in that situation ourselves. If everyone were to be as logical as we'd like, the world would be a much simpler place, what with all the odd redundancies removed out of it.

The cheatee may be stupid in a way, but if I were to put myself in their shoes, what if you're just giving a person whom you love another chance? After all, some people have the potential of changing and when you love someone, you'd be more inclined to give them a chance.

As for the cheaters however, they have plenty of issues within themselves that needs resolving. Sometimes cheaters just have to be cheated on to be given a taste of their own medicine and hopefully, that's strong enough for a wake up call.

[rafterman]

for a wake up call.

Oh the irony...*me laughs*

[Wakeup]

... lol ... ^^^

If someone expects to take back a cheater, even moreso a chronic cheater, without therapy or without said cheater proving through having taken courses on how to over-come their self absorbancy, need for instant gratification and their addiction to strange, then IMO the cheated upon are being more afraid to be alone then they are in love and therefore trying to be forgiving. Codependency is not love, living with someone who shows you unloving actions, who repeatedly offends, who makes you unhappy but you don't give them up is codependency.

Anyone who forgives on a hope and a prayer without insisting on the two of them getting the education they need to be able to make their marriage work after such a betrayal are mostly going to end up in the same boat at a later date.

JMNSHO.
I stand by this:

Both people in your scenerio have something missing in themselves they have an emotional void of sorts and so they try to fill that hole with someone as messed up as they are. Like attracts, like.

[stuckies]

... lol ... ^^^

If someone expects to take back a cheater, even moreso a chronic cheater, without therapy or without said cheater proving through having taken courses on how to over-come their self absorbancy, need for instant gratification and their addiction to strange, then IMO the cheated upon are being more afraid to be alone then they are in love and therefore trying to be forgiving. Codependency is not love, living with someone who shows you unloving actions, who repeatedly offends, who makes you unhappy but you don't give them up is codependency.

Anyone who forgives on a hope and a prayer without insisting on the two of them getting the education they need to be abale to make their marriage work after such a betrayal are mostly going to end up in the same boat at a later date.
JMNSHO.
I stand by this:

Sooner than anticipated and unexpectidly looking to drag me in to it as well.

Again thank you for all your thoughts and comments.

[Alexis]

Im A Guy i cheated and didint get caught my reason was mainly because i wanted to try another girl because who i was with at the time was my one and only and my relationship was a bit rocky but far from horrible something like a three day fight and i must stress ut wasnt a bad fight... i regretted it and never got caught or confessed but then she cheated and got caught but i saw it coming karma got me good