He Doesn't Want Obligations (A Relationship)

[Magnolia_D]

Recently, I ended a relationship that was very promising but in the end it turned out that he is immature and I must be the one who will work to bring the success to the relationship for the two of us.So, I ended it, knowing he won't change, ever.

In the meantime, after a week, I met a colleague we often cooperate , in a bar.At work, he is not very friendly and he is sometimes sarcastic and arrogant, but in the bar he was very friendly and nice.And, what I most liked, he was acting like a gentleman which wasn't the case with my ex.Anyway, at the end of the night, he kissed me, he drove me home, kissed me again for 'goodnight' and just when I thought it is a nice night and we should maybe leave things like that he asked for my number.
Next day, he called me but I said I already had plans.Day after, he texted me with his number from his office (which I knew already) telling me to text him or call him in the office so we can see each other for a coffee. I didn't want to call because it would be awkward calling him there, so I texted, but in the same time I wondered why does he want me to call in his office so soon, that he might keep us as a secret at least for a while.
We met for a coffee after work, the chat were friendly, he kissed me for good night again and called me agaain in two days asking about my plans for the weekend.I told him I am sick and that I can't do nothing but stay home and drink tea.

Next day, on Facebook he asked me if he can come over and he was kind of pushy.I said I am not alone.And, his next question was :what I want from him?And what I expect from him?
I thought he got mad because it seemed like I am avoiding him and dont wanna go out with him and I said it is too early for me to know what I want,that I don't know him enough, but that I like him and I think he knows it is obvious.He responded that he doesn't want obligations and he doesnt want to promise me any future or something and he doesn't want to hurt me.And, that is how he lives his life.

If a friend of mine would tell about this to me, I would say that if a guy wants to be with you, but doesnt want to be in a relationship it means you are good , but not good enough, which isnt the best compliment.
Maybe I am wrong, I dont know.

I am not ready for anything serious , right now either.But, knowing he said it, kind of turned me off.Maybe I would stop liking him, maybe I would start liking him even more, but knowing he said at the begining (and especially on Facebook and not in person) made me wonder what I should do and especially made me mad because the way he acted at first, calling almost every day and even telling his colleague about us,might mean he wants something serious.

What do you think?I won't call.I know I wont.But, I am not sure what I should do if he will call.

[smackie9]

He could be saying sh it because he is pissed, and yes because he feels lead on, and being avoided. He is responding quite immaturely. Guys that are that sesitive turn out to be douche bag BFs.

[Magnolia_D]

He said it clearly he wants sex.I get that part.But, why acting like he wants a serious something?

[smackie9]

He is working to get sex out of you so he feels that girls usually want something serious, so he puts on the act.

[bulrush]

At work, he is not very friendly and he is sometimes sarcastic and arrogant,

Big red flag there.

I won't call.I know I wont.But, I am not sure what I should do if he will call.

You should figure out right now if you want FWB with this guy, or if you want to stop seeing him completely. Because he will surely call one more time. If you just broke up with your BF you should not do anything serious for a while.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like a perfect FWB situation. I assume he's good looking since you're still attracted to him, despite his arrogance. That arrogance should help you keep your emotional distance from him, and being fresh out of a relationship, I think it's good to keep that distance.

Just **** him and leave. Don't go out on dates with him.

[Magnolia_D]

When I said he is arrogant, I meant distant and sometimes hard to approach because he is working in the highest hierarchy in the sectors.
When I met him in the bar, I just looked at him and smiled and he was the one coming saying hi and doing the whole approach.
I think he wants to present himself that he doesnt want obligations because he has many many girls around, but from what I saw, he is a real geek when he is with his friends and I doubt he gets many girls.

He is smart and was very very nice with me lately and I said I am gonna give him a chance , because he is like no one before.

[Kaius]

Let me ask you this:

If a guy (whom you like) says to you, "I want to hump you, and use you for sex, but I don't want to be responsible for anything.... I don't want to be your boyfriend... I don't want to have to call you or be nice to you.... I don't want any attachment to you.... I want to be able to hump other women whenever I want.... I want you to flip the bill if you ever got pregnant or an STD..... I don't want you to call me when you feel you are lonely.... I don't want to be there when you need me.... I JUST WANT FREE SEX BECAUSE A HOOKER COSTS TOO MUCH, AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WOULD GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE."

What would you think of him then? That's basically what he is implying.

[Leona77]

In your first post you said:

Next day, on Facebook he asked me if he can come over and he was kind of pushy.I said I am not alone.And, his next question was :what I want from him?And what I expect from him?
I thought he got mad because it seemed like I am avoiding him and dont wanna go out with him and I said it is too early for me to know what I want,that I don't know him enough, but that I like him and I think he knows it is obvious.He responded that he doesn't want obligations and he doesnt want to promise me any future or something and he doesn't want to hurt me.And, that is how he lives his life.

Please don't be naive. He thought you would be easyer to hump. When he saw that he might need to work a little bit harder for it, he got frustrated and angry and tried to guilt-trip you. It obviously worked because you are all defensive of him now:

When I said he is arrogant, I meant distant and sometimes hard to approach because he is working in the highest hierarchy in the sectors.
When I met him in the bar, I just looked at him and smiled and he was the one coming saying hi and doing the whole approach.
I think he wants to present himself that he doesnt want obligations because he has many many girls around, but from what I saw, he is a real geek when he is with his friends and I doubt he gets many girls.

Oh please don't try to make up excuses for his behaviour and go back to your respectful self, the one that told him he can not come to your place.

It does not seem to me that you can deal with just having a one night stand with him, especially because he works with you in the

highest hierarchy

And please don't be fooled by the fact that he approached you first. He is approaching lots of other girls with the same intentions and probably same opening lines. It sometimes works for him,he gets laid ,end of story. It sometimes doesn't...You can choose if it will work for you! But don't be surprized if you become just one more notch on hs belt and if you become the favourite office 'watercooler gossip'.
The fact that you emphasize how he works in

highest hierarchy

worries me a bit, as it implies that you are impressed and attracted by this power. And he knows it because it's had the same effect on many women.
Please re-evaluate your feelings.
Oh, and btw, when a man says he doesn't want a relationship, it means: ''He doesn't want a relationship!'' .Simple! This way, if you shag him, it will be your responsibility because he has already told you he just want to shag you and notihing more!

[Magnolia_D]

I would feel bad,and that is for sure but I was never ever needy or lonely or greedy to hear his voice.For the first time in my life, probably I was the guy in the game and he was the girl calling every day, telling his colleagues (not his friends) that there is something.
If I was a guy and wanted to **** someone, without obligations I would call that girl only for weekends, and would tell only my friends and would certainly tell her what I want without asking her first what SHE wants.

[Leona77]

I would feel bad,and that is for sure but I was never ever needy or lonely or greedy to hear his voice.For the first time in my life, probably I was the guy in the game and he was the girl calling every day, telling his colleagues (not his friends) that there is something.
If I was a guy and wanted to **** someone, without obligations I would call that girl only for weekends, and would tell only my friends and would certainly tell her what I want without asking her first what SHE wants.

He is playing you succesfully, I can see that!
He is not greedy to hear your voice, he is just on the hunt to hump you and he is prepared to say anything. He knows that he'll need to convince you that he is emotinally involved so that he can hump you. Thiis doesn't mean he respects you more and that his intentions have changed. Only his strategy has changed to suit your requirements. He still doesn't like you as a girlfriend!
EDITED:

p.s. and I bet you if he does hump you, he will be prouder of the fact that he got you involved emotionally than the fact that he humbed you. Sometimes that kind of hunt is more entertsining to a player/ a guy who explicitly tells you he does not like you enoigh to be his gilrfriend!

[Kaius]

I would feel bad,and that is for sure but I was never ever needy or lonely or greedy to hear his voice.For the first time in my life, probably I was the guy in the game and he was the girl calling every day, telling his colleagues (not his friends) that there is something.
If I was a guy and wanted to **** someone, without obligations I would call that girl only for weekends, and would tell only my friends and would certainly tell her what I want without asking her first what SHE wants.

Don't fool yourself. It would defeat the purpose if he acted like "a guy who wanted to **** someone without obligations".
He has probably tried his method before and was successful, so he is trying his luck with you now.
Apparently this guy is pretty good at reverse psychology. You probably can't see it while you are all into him.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

When I said he is arrogant, I meant distant and sometimes hard to approach because he is working in the highest hierarchy in the sectors.
When I met him in the bar, I just looked at him and smiled and he was the one coming saying hi and doing the whole approach.
I think he wants to present himself that he doesnt want obligations because he has many many girls around, but from what I saw, he is a real geek when he is with his friends and I doubt he gets many girls.

He is smart and was very very nice with me lately and I said I am gonna give him a chance , because he is like no one before.

The guy sounds like me. I'm a real geek too, but I'm also good looking, well dressed, well spoken, and well off...no trouble finding bedmates. Anyway, you haven't made clear what it is you want from this. I thought you wanted an FWB situation since you're just out of a relationship, but it sort of seems like you want a relationship now??

Anyway, don't use preconceived notions to make a decision. It's pretty clear he just wants to bang you and the only way to make him drawn to you emotionally would be to take my advice, and treat him like he's the booty call. Don't talk to him unless it's to set up a time to hang out, and never spend the night.

[Magnolia_D]

Thank you everyone for your honest thoughts and answers, especially to Leona.
I do like this guy, there are things I don't like about him as well, but he seemed mature and I thought this might be it.Maybe that is why I was dissapointed because he said he wants no obligations.
I don't want obligations as well, I do not want a relationship, I just want to go with the flow and see how things go, and yes I do want to **** him and if he wasn't a colleague I would see on meetings in the future, probably I wouldn't think twice.
The thing is (I also told him that) that I can't know where things might go.I might stop liking him soon, but I also can start liking him.I can not know that.I can't be that much rational.
Unlike him, who is sure he would never want obligations and a relationship.That is what makes him really ****ed up.And, especially the fact he had no guts to say it in person, so he chose a lame way like Facebook.

[misombra]

He wants to hit and run.