I feel like a little Girl, please help...

[Okay]

Hi all..

I am a 22 years old Asian female, brought up in a Western world.
My family are really kind and loving and have kept me safe and happy all my life.
I have a boyfriend who will soon be my fiance whom I love very much and vice-versa.

Now what is wrong with this picture?
I should be happy! Yet because of the protections of loved ones I have grown up somewhat naive and stupid...
I'm scared of confrontation, so am not a very confident or forward person.
When I don't know what to say or do in certain 'social' situations I just freeze up, expressionless...

I am aware of many things in life (that were I someone else), I should've reacted or done better.
More recently I had started a class. It was full of bitchy bimbo type people.
I thought if I tried harder to communicate etc, I would integrate into the class and be happy, make friends, but all that's happened is that I am severely unhappy. None of the people in the class actually give a damn. I find this really rude of their behaviour and don't know if its partially racism (there are no Asians in the class at all), or just a complete clash of personalities (In my heart I've always avoided bitchy people and bimbo's alike) They just are so inconsiderate and 'use' me so to speak.

The girls have been 'bullying' me via text message. Saying 'bitchy' snide comments and trying to get a reaction out of me.
I'm angry about it, but at the same time, I'm not a person to cause trouble. It's affecting my health quite horribly, as I've always had a fragile immune system/body (hence the overprotective family).

It's not only this situation but also general life I keep reflecting upon and feel like I just want to shrink away into my baby cot life and let everyone take care of me like they have for the past 22 years...

I feel real pathetic and ... I dunno. I feel like though I have this potential and could/should be happy, but I'm not.
I want to smile, but it seems so much effort to do so. Like if I did smile, it would be fake and unworthy.

[bluesummer]

It sounds like you are maybe a bit shy, and insecure. Girls/women with strong personality types tend to really rip into people they feel are weak and vulnerable, because females are vicious like that.

If they are 'using' you, don't let them just to try and get on their good side. You obviously don't like them since you've referred to them as 'bimbos' and bitches', so why are you trying to be friendly with them at all? Do you think maybe you were negatively stereotyping and it was obvious to them? I don't like you playing the race card there, either....not really fair. I went to school with nothing BUT asians and trust me, some of them were just as much bitchy bimbos as these people you're talking about.

You need to learn some self confidence (my god, you're about to get married!) and how to interract in the adult world. That means standing up for yourself, being more assertive, and not making friends with poisonous people. You'll never survive socially, and it will also diminish you career-wise. You sound like you try to please people too much. Stop that. Not everyone is going to like you, that's the way the world is.

[Okay]

Thanks Blusummer for your advice. I understand I do need to toughen up a bit (or alot).

Normally I wouldn't get along with these type of girls because I'm from a rather sensible and academic background, but its because I decided to take a Beauty course...
>_< Don't ask why.. it was half whim and half an attempt to come out of my shell and try something different.

I know its wrong to stereotype and play the race card... but the people on the course really do fit into certain 'categories'.
Think "Mean Girls" and cliches.
It's like my social survival instincts kicked in, so I tried to make friends with them but its like an awkward situation where none of them laugh at my jokes, they just laugh at me as a person instead.. behind my back. And when the two girls are in conversation (for example when we are sat together at lunch), they look at each other and converse, when I speak to add input to the conversation they will both look at me, blink blankly then go back to looking and talking to each other. I find this rather rude and off putting.

Then when I am at home they will text me with kisses at they end of their messages, calling me 'hun' and whatnot.

One time I was with one of the girls walking and I mentioned a friend being away in the middle east for work commitments (not war related) and the girl launched into a very long hate speech about terrorists and immigrants and such. She began to insult middle Eastern race, then moving onto Polish people. It was very frustrating to listen to this very narrowminded person, whom whilst talking so intently, was speaking in a tone of voice as if she was actually yelling at me.

[Kiechi]

They are people I tend to refer to as, "Typical white people". The low level, living in a fishbowl, immigrant hating type.

[lastwish]

It is just bad luck. Not all white people are like that. It may also have to do with the fact that it is a beauty school. Most people there are not really highly educated and they are into exclusive groups. I suspect the fashion and beauty world is exactly like that.

[Kiechi]

Ofc not all White people are like that. It's the poor ass ****s sitting at the bottom of the Universes social ladder.

[Bumio]

I think you blame too much on your past, of course, you have a reason to do so, but it's not really helping you out and only holding you back.
Be open minded. Not all white people are bad, and I'm sure that 'racism' is not the reason for your current situation. People see you the way you see yourself, if you trust yourself, people will trust you, if you love yourself, people will love you. But if you have some negativity in you, it will result in everything you do. I guess you need to change, be confident and positive, and your whole world will change around you.

It's easier said then done though, but I've gone through all of this and I made a change.
I wish you best of luck!

[Okay]

It is definitely easier said than done indeed...
I've been struggling with becoming more confident and outwardly happy.
It starts with simple things like it being hard to smile properly sometimes and I think that may have negative impact on others, but its just so strange I cannot smile unless I'm really genuinely happy and comfortable with the people around me (e.g. people who have known me for a long time and like me for who I am).

I have friends who are all different races, so I know I am not really racist or ultimately race biased or anything.
Maybe I'm paranoid? I care quite a bit about how others percieve and see me, so when I believe that they look down on me, it makes me want to shrink away.

What is the cure for lack of confidence?

[Bumio]

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. But you know, there is always a possibility to change what you don't like about you or your life, but you need to put a lot of effort into that in order to see some results. You should stop caring what others might think about you, because no one honestly truly cares about you. You are just a stranger to them and they have their own problems to worry about. Just be who you are and people will accept you.
I always remember Dr Seuss quote "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
Best thing for you now to start with would be to find positive things in your everyday life and in yourself, and more positiveness will occur around you. Your life and everything what happens in it, is a result and reflection of your thinking. If you are not happy about something, it's a signal you need to start changing something in yourself.
I guess this could sound strange, but it works. Try googling more info about how your mood and thinking affects your life, you will be amazed. Also check 'Abraham Hicks' on youtube.

I really understand how you feel, and I hope it will change. Let me know if you need more info!

[Illusional]

haha you should talk to my wife... we are both asian, however i was raised in the states and she was raised out of the country. however, she doesn't take shit from anyone... and i would believe (as she says) she would knock them out if she had to.


raverboy

[LdFilip]

well...if you want to become more confident and talktive,then i think that going out with people and talking is the only way...but as i see,you have only morons around you :/ you need to find some normal people there...

and if you ask me,im not sure if its worth of integrating into this awful,rotten world,where only few people are worth of talking to...

[Lipp]

Does "coming out of your shell" mean that you're trying to make friends outside of family connections/friends with a similar upbringing? At least that's a big issue for chinese friends of mine over here.

Anyways, consider what other options you could go for, because a beauty school is the worst possible choice to meet people with more than half a heart and half a brain.

[bulrush]

They are people I tend to refer to as, "Typical white people". The low level, living in a fishbowl, immigrant hating type.

I agree. I am white, and I refer to this type as "white trash". They are obnoxious, ignorant, and not needed in society. This type is very common public schools, but still present at the 4 year university level.

Try to heed Cerby's sig line: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, first check to make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by a**holes."

Try to find people that have similar interests as you do, who are more quiet. Hang out with them.

Are you at college? You are 22 so you should be out of high school.

[Noslen09]

If you are taking the cosmetology course just to meet people, then I agree with Lipp. You are definitely looking in the wrong place for a social life.

Maybe you should try to take a course that you are genuinely interested in... whatever that might be. Try taking a physical education class. Badminton perhaps? Or maybe yoga?

[bcgirl]

to tell you the truth....once you become an adult and in the real world of working at a job like everyone else.....you will be faced with bimbo's and bitches everywhere you go. It's part of reality. There are some 40+ year old bimbos and bitches in my workplace too. They are everywhere.