Just want to be happy

[malteser]

I ended my marriage in April this year. We were together for 9 years in total, married less than 2. I'm 26. We basically grew apart and although we were the best of friends, I had fallen out of love with my husband and there was no physical attraction there at all.

At first I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me, it was great to be free again to do what I wanted and I enjoyed meeting up with other guys. As time has gone on, I am starting to feel really lonely. I'm in a long distance relationship which is clearly not going to work due to lack of communication and effort on his side, and the thought of being by myself makes me really sad. I'm not overly popular and the few friends I do have are all married so I don't have a great social life, and I live on my own, so I am generally feeling really fed up.

Then yesterday I received a call from my husband (we haven't seen eachother since we split up as we live in different counties now) to say he is going to be a dad. He is very excited that his girlfriend of 5 months is 3 months pregnant. He wants a quickie divorce because he wants to do right by her and is talking of marrying her one day! I am glad he is happy and has moved on as I felt terrible for ending the marriage, but at the same time this makes it all so final now, I know there's definately no going back, and knowing he is really happy when I am really sad and lonely makes me feel really rubbish about myself, I feel like such a loser. It is especially hard since earlier this year we had been trying for a baby.

Anybody know what I can do to help myself feel better and move on with my life? I know I did the right thing ending the marriage as he was not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I'm finding being alone really difficult.

[bluesummer]

I think what's making it harder is knowing that your ex has moved on. You've had this person in your life for 9 years, and to suddenly be without anyone must feel like a whole new world, and a scary one.

The best thing you can do is embrace your singledom....seriously. Revel in all the things you can do because you're single (not the things you would be doing if you weren't). You can be whoever you want. You can date anyone you want, you could date two or three people! You can eat whatever you want, watch whatever sappy girly movies men hate that you feel like. There are many things even I miss about being single!! Look at it as a discovery phase. Feel happy for your ex, but most importantly feel happy for yourself. You've shed yourself of a relationship you didn't want anymore and that's a big accomplishment....some people don't have the guts to do it, they just stay together and stay miserable. You have a shot at real happiness if you'd just appreciate everything you are blessed with in your life now.