Unsure Engagment

[tee]

Ok, background: I've been with my fiance since I was 20 years old. He was my first boyfriend and the only guy I've ever had sex with. Our sex life has gotten stale through the years, but I think it's something we could work on. We got engaged this past summer and although I've always been so sure about being with him forever, the engagement really hit me like a ton of bricks and put my reality into perspective. I'm 25 years old and I think this might be a quarter life crisis I'm going through.

I have never thought about being with other men before and now all of a sudden, I'm thinking, how could I never go on another date again? meet someone new and be in that "lovey dovey" phase. It's exciting and the thought of never doing that again for the rest of my life is making me freak out. But then, at the same time, I think, how could I give this up? He's great. He has a job he loves, he's caring, I can really see myself having children with him and growing old together.

I'm so confused and I know this can be somewhat normal when you get engaged, but I've even stopped planning the wedding and have decided to postpone it for an additional 6 months.

I guess my question is, for those of you who married your first love, do you have the regret of not having been with anyone else?

And for anyone who chose to end their first relationship for these reasons, how do you feel now?

[bulrush]

Bad bad bad idea to marry your first love. They rarely make it. There are exceptions. You don't know who to marry unless you've dated at least 10 people. That's my rule. Date at least 10 people before you get married, more is better. This helps you find out who is a better match for you. Besides, you are curious about other people, you need to satisfy that curiousity.

DO NOT GET MARRIED. If you have doubts, there's a reason. If he really loves you as a perfect match, he will take you back after you see other people.

[workingman78]

I respectfully disagree with bulrush. There is nothing wrong with first loves getting married, however you obviously have some reservations about it. Talk to him about how you feel, I bet he is feeling the same way.

[Kaius]

You can definitely marry your first love. When people are committed enough, all doubts disappear.
And, no, your feelings are NOT normal for a newly engaged person. If you have any remorse for
never meeting someone new again or going on first dates, then you are NOT ready to get married.
You two will end up divorcing because you would always wonder what you could have had.
People who successfully marry their first love have no remorse. Your remorse will eventually turn
into resentment, which will destroy your marriage. It's not too late to back out. Divorces are
EXPENSIVE. Mine cost me $500,000.

[girl68]

the thoughts you're having are normal for a young, first love, engaged couple. I agree with Bulrush, you probably shouldn't do it. Just because he's great: doesn't mean there aren't other equally and even more great men out there.

I almost married my first love- it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I'd be 28 and divorced (and broke according to Kaius) I think you need to explore what you're missing.

[malteser]

I don't think you should get married if you're feeling like this. I married my first love and am now getting divorced at the age of 26. I think you need to experience different people so you have a clearer idea of what you want and what you don't want. I'm not saying marrying your first love can never work, but I think that given the way you are feeling and the fact you have come onto this site and posted this thread is not a good sign. You've recently got engaged- you should be over the moon and eager to get married asap, not wondering if you might regret not having been with anyone else and postponing the wedding. You need to be absolutely sure it's what you want.

[Petit Papillon]

Oh people, everyone has doubts from time to time. This decision is life changing , so it's normal that people have "what if" thoughts ... I 'm sure that there are many divorced people, who were "happy, lovey dovey and over the moon" before getting married. Love is not always like in movies. And marriage is not always a fun thing to do. It's a constant work.
OP, ask yourself, do you imagine yourself with your partner in 5,10,15 years ... Then ask yourself, do you imagine yourself WITHOUT him. Do you imagine him disappearing from your life forever. ask yourself,if he makes you happy. Ask if he makes you complete. Ask yourself if you can improve your relationship somehow. Ask if you love him. Do you imagine yourself being with him in bad times too.

Yes, there is a possibility, there is ALWAYS a possibility that there is someone better out there. The thing is, it's not sure you will find him.
People are always looking for perfect things, without the guarantee they will find it ,leaving good things behind them.Life is not a fairy tale.

Btw. That thing with dating 10 people before getting married is such a freaking bullshit . I would probably feel like an old used cunt after having 10 partners at age of <30 (assuming I want to get married before becoming 30yo)...

[Okay]

I will be marrying my first and only love
And though I did have a small moment previously where I was tempted by the devil into having a crush on someone else.
Upon deep thinking, temptations are only temporary.

Don't have a love and lose it, when for some its so difficult to find.
If your guy is almost perfect (almost because there is no such thing as an 100% perfect human being), then just go with the flow.
You don't have to get married when your not ready, but at the same time don't go destroying things needlessly.

[devonbrown]

I have to agree with Petit here. Doubts are perfectly normally when confronted with any sort of major life decision. And I agree that you should think of if you want to be with your fiance not only in good times but in bad. Because there will be bad times. And the strength of a relationship is measured by those trials.

If you want to postpone, then postpone. No need to rush into anything. But be honest and communicate with your fiance. Share your doubts and your concerns. Maybe what he says during those conversations will be what you need to hear.

Good luck.