Is she interested?

[intrigue]

Good day.

So I met a girl at work at first I wasn't interested in her in the slightest, I even told her about dates I had coming up and was taking her advice on it. I started to get a vibe that she might like me after she started saying things like she liked my haircut, asked if I was going to a work event as she had no one to go with and her boss reffered to us as a couple. However, I still continued talking to her and we started to take lunch together and after a rather dreadful date with another girl (who text me to say oh you don't seem to care about me too much) when I realised I liked the girl at work.

At this point I stepped things up a bit ( I was weary of the fact that we would have to see each other every day) so started by having lunch once a week. As we'd had a few unplanned lunches together, the problem we had here is we knew quite a bit about each other (as originally I saw her as nothing more then a friend). So I knew she had a pretty tough break up and was going through a really rough time. Anyway a few months went on and I thought now is the time to meet outside of work. Unfortunatley as I play sport on the weekend during the summer it was tough for me to fit her in as well, so when our season ended I asked if she'd like to meet up. At this point she said she would love to meet up sometime. So the following week I asked if she wanted to meet up that weekend she said she would see and later text me to say she couldnt but we could do it another time. Again as I was busy for a few weeks I left it a while but then asked her well in advance if she was free. She agreed but subsquently cancelled. I thought this was it and was going to give up until I saw her again and she told me about what had happened to her (it was bad) and spent the next lunch break trying to make her feel better about it.

Anyway time moved on and she agreed and came out with me a few weeks back and we had a great time, she said she'd been nervous we have nothing to talk about but it was easy. So we agreed to do it again sometime but due to annual leave and her moving to a new department I didn't seize the opportunity and we've only seen each other a bit since. However I did make sure to tell her that I had a good time and we should meet up again, I also bought her a card and made her a cd of the pictures from our day out and we were due to go out last week but she cancelled as her friend was having trouble with her friend. Now normally I would just take that as a hint but for a few reasons i'm not sure

* I've not really made it clear I like her, due to it being at work
* I don't call her/text her all the time (she doesn't ever iniatate this, although she seems quite shy in general) as i'm quite busy and in all honesty i'm not going to be one of those guys.
* I'm not sure I sured up our plans for going out as I left it to late last week (Wednesday) to confirm

She is sending mixed signals
* E.G. she always replies quickly to any message I send
* She always meets me for lunch or says we will meet the next days
* She gets jealous if i mention other girls ( I have quite a lot of friends)
However
* She never iniaties anything
* She doesn't seem to have any qualms about cancelling on me
* She doesn't give me compliaments anymore
* She doesn't seem to trust men

[bulrush]

* She never iniaties anything
* She doesn't seem to have any qualms about cancelling on me
* She doesn't give me compliaments anymore
* She doesn't seem to trust men

Sounds like she has trust issues, bad enough to affect her relationships. This explains why she is shy, and why she cancels dates sometimes. Sometimes she just gets afraid to go on a date. I don't think she is really into you. You are probably convenient for her, nothing more.

[intrigue]

Sounds like she has trust issues, bad enough to affect her relationships. This explains why she is shy, and why she cancels dates sometimes. Sometimes she just gets afraid to go on a date. I don't think she is really into you. You are probably convenient for her, nothing more.

Thought this might be the case this is why I haven't been in contact since. I've been off work spent some time in the gym bought some new clothes etc (not for her) but to make an impression on everyone and word will get around, I'm going to try and show her what she is missing and see if that makes a difference, as i've noticed that when i've been busy in the past she tends to try and fnd me.

[intrigue]

any other advice or am i to go this alone?

[aceuno15]

This girl, while she seems somewhat interested in you, is playing you. Shes testing you to see if you are truly interested in her and if you'd go the extra mile to be around her. What you seem to be doing is the same exact thing, which means one of you needs to initiate the relationship. You said you had a good time on your date(s)? Well, "friends" have "good" times on dates - so if you and her are truly interested in eachother, you'd have had a "great" time. You have to be the judge of that, however.

Hopefully this makes sense.

[intrigue]

Quick update I returned to work this week and bumped into her, she said sorry for cancelling and I said I wasn't too bothered as I saw some other friends (which I did). She asked about my two weeks off and I said the truth that they were good but I couldn't say it all in two minutes because I had to get back to work so lets lunch on Friday (which she agreed too). She kept commenting all the time that I seemed down (which I was but that was because I hate my job and was feeling quite ill, I was sent home shortly after).

When I got to work this morning my boss said it was good that I was back to my old self as i'd been quite blunt the day before to which I apologised. At this point I started to feel bad that I might have been blunt to her, so dropped her a quick email to apolgoise if I was. To which she replied that I really didn't need to apologise and how I was feeling. I replied that I was better but not 100%.

I screwed up big time by sending that email didn't I?

[Klitchka]

Naaah, you did the right thing sending the email. You were apologizing for not feeling well, she understood and was probably glad you sent it and its no big deal. Don't worry about it. But I do think she likes you a lot but is afraid she may get hurt again in a relationship and is just finding excuses not to make it go further. Maybe she thinks she is not good enough for you because you have so many friends and thinks you can do better. If you really like her enough to have a long term relationship with her, you should tell her how you feel and promise this relationship will not be like the one she had before. Don't do it on a lunch break. I'd do it on a date outside of work where you will have more time to talk. She doesn't need anymore heartbreak in her life so be careful in what you say. Take her out and show her a good time then have the talk....Someplace where its quiet where you won't be interrupted....What do you think?

[intrigue]

Well it seems like the answer is no. We went out last night for drinks, played some pool and went bowling before grabbing something to eat. Everything seemed to be going great until the dinner we were having a good laugh taking the piss out of each other and even busting a move to celebrate a strike etc.

Then we went to dinner she mentioned how christmas (there was christmas decorations up) could be a bad time for some people and mentioned that it was this time last year that her ex had broken up with her and it hurt that he had someone else, hadn't got her anything for her birthday. Then proceeded to say that it wasn't fair that she didn't have anyone else and that she didn't think she was ready. I took that to mean she probably is but hasn't met the right person. At no point did I disclose how I felt but it was rather painful to hear all this when I really like her. She did say that I had put a real smile on her face though and had a good time. I played up the whole I don't believe in the friend zone bit (in a later conversation) and at the end of the night made sure she got on the right bus and asked her to text me when she got home so I knew she was ok, which she did.

I'm still going to be friends with her as she hasn't done anything wrong and I think she needs someone like me to have a good time with. The question I guess i'm asking is, from this stage is it possible that the more she gets to know me the more fun we have hanging out is there any possiability she might start to get over her ex and start to see me as boyfriend material?

[intrigue]

I really don't know why i'm opening this up again, maybe its because there's a strong chance of me losing my job, I'm having to move back home because of this and my flatmate losing his job and I'm pretty downbeat about everything at the moment as a result. Something to be fair which she knows about to an extent (i've kept some of my feelings hidden).

She her self is having a really rough time as her mum has a really bad back which the doctors can't diagnose and she is constantly having to go to the hospital with her for tests and results. I'm trying to be supportive, (e.g. I always make sure I keep up to date with when the appointments are and how they went and i've told her that if she needs someone to talk to she knows where to find me). I've also been saying that she should come out with me as we always have a good laugh as she is really dispondant at the moment. Anyway it's all come to a head in a way as i've asked her if she wants to go out sometime, to which she's replied oh not right now as I need to get my head straight, or oh another weekend will be better. To be honest I feel like this is a brush off, as its always seems to be me instigating conversation or asking her to go out/lunch etc (which she does come to), but is there any chance that she actually means give me some time. As normally i'd just leave it at that ( a brush off) but I know how much trouble she's going through at the moment and B even if it is I think the right thing to do is still be a friend to her, even if it means I have to help her out now and utimatley she'll meet someone else, at least she will be happy and that's the main thing.

She also said to me in the text when she said another weekend would be better that she wanted to know how my job was going etc, but I just said I didn't want to talk about it (as I really don't want her to have other things to worry about on top of what she's already dealing with).

[pisces25]

You gotta just drop this completely. She has made it clear on many occasions she isn't ready for anything. Who knows if she will be ready in time? I wouldn't hang around waiting. I would just get on with my life, go out dating, sort work out, keep busy etc. If you feel like you can be a friend to her without wanting more go ahead but it sounds you already have feelings for her so not sure how this would go. Who knows what happens in the future? Just take care of NOW and the future will sort itself out how it's meant to.