Breaking up with someone you love

[verylost]

Hello,
I been in a relationship for the past year... and recently i found out that i i am in love with another girl.
my current GF is very nice and supportive she is just a very nice person.
She is insecure and always tells me that if I ever break up with her she would hurt her self or be devastated... and i just dunno how to break up. As i really do't want to hurt her to the extent that i am thinking of not breaking up... and just playing it along...till dunno

the new woman in my life is new nothing yet has happened, but is much much more compatible with me in everything...

what should i do.....

sucks in every angle i look at it...

[workingman78]

time to break up with her, the thing is that it isn't going to get better a couple months (or years) down the road. Do you have someone that is close to her that you can kind of give a heads up to? Someone like a mother or sister that will help her through it and who knows she is likely to hurt herself? That is about the best you can do, but leaving it should not be a option as it is only going to get worse.

[verylost]

time to break up with her, the thing is that it isn't going to get better a couple months (or years) down the road. Do you have someone that is close to her that you can kind of give a heads up to? Someone like a mother or sister that will help her through it and who knows she is likely to hurt herself? That is about the best you can do, but leaving it should not be a option as it is only going to get worse.

she has issues with her family... if i talk to them.. it wil make it worse....

[smackie9]

Her issue of instability is not your responsibility. Red flags are everywhere with this girl....why did you even date her? Anyways, you give her close friend the heads up, then break up with her in person.....people who usually threaten to harm themselves is just insecurity, and are incapable of handling things in a mature manner. She has pulled this behavior on others all her life probably, and well surprisingly she is still alive huh. It's usually empty threats, a ploy.....sad and sickly ploy to hold onto a relationship.

If she does try to harm herself, you call the police to handle it.

[Wakeup]

You shouldn't stay with someone because they've black mailed you into staying with them. Just be calm and as empathetic to her as you can be when you tell her that the relationship is not working out, that you're not compatible enough to remain together any longer and then don't contact her anymore. Go zero contact so that she has a chance to heal from her attachment to you. Call a suicide hot line if you're worried and ask them for tips. Encourage her to get the help she needs. She needs therapy if she would even say she'd kill herself if you leave her.

DO NOT go running back to her if this new relationship you've been cultivating while still with your current girlfriend does not work out. That would be very cruel of you.

[DodgerDog]

I was in a relationship too long with a woman that was insecure and damaged by life. It probably won't get better with you guys judging by my experience. There is no easy way of breaking up with her. You're going to have to just do it and you won't have any control over the possible consequences. I feel for her, but ultimately, you're not happy and that's no way to feel while you're in a relationship. Sucks, I know.

[lastwish]

Well...you are not really breaking up with someone you love because love lasts. If you don't love her, the best thing to do is to break up with her. But to soften the blow, let her friends know about this so they will be the supportive network.

[Lolah]

Just tell her the truth. That's it. I was once dumped because my ex boyfriend met someone else. After breaking up, tell her family to be there for her.

[brisingrfire]

im one of those people on the recieving end where by my ex didnt love me.
in fact my breakup was 10 days ago. and i do have my issues. it was the same, my ex loves me but hes not in love with me.
tbh since hurting me i havent coped but hes been my best support. all my anger and hurt ive been allowed to take out on him and its helped.i dont feel like i have supportive friends or family, my ex is my best friend and he wanted to stay best friends, if he had cut contact id have been worse off then i am now.id have bottled my feelings.

i dont think many people would agree with this method. but unless shes a complete crazy person i dont agree with breaking up and just ditching her. yes breakup with her but before you do it find the best supportive option for her.

making someone go cold turkey like that would probably damage her more.

[LdFilip]

she wont do anything to her...most of time its just a "dull word" or a phrase in a relationship....like i will die if i loose you or so...

but look at it from all angles...do you love the other woman more?do you know her better?do you really want to leave your gf who loves you for the other one?and i can go on with questions...but...you wont be able to go back if you leave her and if it wont work with the other one...

im not sure if its a good idea to go along with it...decide now,cos as the time will go by,you will think more and more about the other one and will have more and more reasons to leave her even if those reasons wont be true...but you have to decide if shes the one or not...and if so,close your eyes and stay with her

[smackie9]

It really depends on the relationship and what the issues are. Sometimes cutting them off is the best thing you can do.....it wakes them up, especially if they extremely difficult.....teaches them that their method of manipulation won't work anymore.

[alwaystryin]

The only thing I know for sure is that dragging it out and NOT telling her how you feel is the worst possible thing you can do. Also, I agree with latwish. Love and relationships take work. How does it make sense to dump someone you claim to love? That's a cop out as far as I'm concerned. Just man up and be honest with her AND yourself. It'll save a lot of grief in the end.

[smackie9]

He should have titled the thread "How to break up with an unstable person, that you still care about". He is not in love with her, he is in love with another girl....someone who is noticeably more comparable. He is not bailing out on a perfectly good relationship, he just wants to move on.

[Kokz143]

You should tell her the truth. Someday you will have to tell her. It would hurt less if you tell her now cuz her love towards you would keep on increasing. And when it would be at its epitome, she is likely to be broken to pieces. You can still be friends with her, like good friends.

[alwaystryin]

You're right smackie. I hope he'll be able to clarify as well as you when he breaks the news. I hate the whole I love you but I'm not in love with you thing. It's just my personal opinion but I think hearing that makes it harder and more confusing for the person being dumped. I think ..I'm not in love with you anymore but you are an important person in my life and I still care about you (or your well being, or whatever..) would be more honest. I always prefer to hear the whole horrible truth at one time lol. It's not fun to have to sit through such a thing while at the same time watching the dumper sooth their own guilt (warranted or not) with the whole ..but I still love you.. thing.