New boyfriend doesn't care to have sex much or finish

[bbunny]

Hey guys,

Apologies if intimacy questions don't belong here.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a month now. I am 25 and he is 35.
We have had sex very few times, it seems that he's not often in the mood. He has pushed away my advances before. Which is different for me since I am used to very physical honeymoon stages of a new relationship. I take sex very personally since I am such a physical person and that is one way I fee attractive andl cared for. So this has caused a lot of unnecessary worry for me.
When we do have sex, he never cares to get off. He is almost anxious about it and wants to stop after I have gotten off. What does that say to you men here?
I have asked him if he's just not into me, and he says he is really really into me. That the sex thing is his own issue and nothing that I am doing wrong. Just curious if you guys know of any reasons a guy would struggle with this?

[Superfantastich]

erectile problems?

[Mathias]

erectile problems?

This is my first thought as well.

[Cupcake]

Maybe find things that turn him on? Do you guys have foreplay? That always helps to get guys in the mood...

I could suggest other things, but then I would be opening a whole can of worms.

[bbunny]

He doesn't seem to have an issue being hard and remaining so. Do guys sometimes just have a hard time getting off? I thought maybe he just likes the sex act and doesn't need to get off? Is that normal?

As far as foreplay, I will touch him, but if he's not in the mood he'll move my hand. I have no idea what to do.
I have tried talking to him about it before but he just says that it's his own issue and doesn't really go into explaining things. And I think bringing it up again will put a lot of pressure on him and make it worse.

[vashti]

Does he masturbate to porn?

Does he have any health issues (especially blood pressure, diabetes)?

Does he take any medication?

[searock]

I am not sure. We're so early in the relationship I worry about bringing up sensitive things like that. But it sounds like all three of these is a potential reason...

I guess I don't know enough about him yet, maybe I should just be patient and see what happens. I wish we could have more fun!

Huh? Isn't this bbunny's thread? ...

[bbunny]

Huh? Isn't this bbunny's thread? ...

Haha, I was signed into my old account. Thanks for pointing it out.

Does he masturbate to porn?

Does he have any health issues (especially blood pressure, diabetes)?

Does he take any medication?

I am not sure. We're so early in the relationship I worry about bringing up sensitive things like that. But it sounds like all three of these is a potential reason...

I guess I don't know enough about him yet, maybe I should just be patient and see what happens. I wish we could have more fun!

[Wakeup]

He doesn't seem to have an issue being hard and remaining so. Do guys sometimes just have a hard time getting off? I thought maybe he just likes the sex act and doesn't need to get off? Is that normal?

As far as foreplay, I will touch him, but if he's not in the mood he'll move my hand. I have no idea what to do.
I have tried talking to him about it before but he just says that it's his own issue and doesn't really go into explaining things. And I think bringing it up again will put a lot of pressure on him and make it worse.

Are you two sexually exclusive (have you had that conversation?) Sounds to me like he's saving it for someone else? Does he come through oral? Will he let you go down on him?

In any event his body is willing but his mind is not in the right place and he can't release. I suggest you don't pressure him about it but you need to slowly, calmly, sensually let him know (before he gets you off) that part of the fun for you is seeing him be pleasured as well and you'd like him to instruct you on how to get him to release, what he likes, what does it for him. Show and tell him that you're willing and maybe he'll slowly but eventually be able. It could just be a trust issue as well and he's afraid of a pregnancy, which would go back to his mind not being in the right place. Are you on the pill do you make sure he wears a rubber?

[bbunny]

As far as I know we are sexually exclusive and I have no reason to believe he's seeing someone else behind my back. I haven't yet gone down on him but I would like to. I've just been slow going with the sexual stuff since he seems so awkward about it.
When we do have sex I have a lot of fun and it's very passionate. It's just that awkward ending where he suddenly wants to stop that worries me.

I am not on the pill and he wears a condom. He doesn't seem to want to get off afterwards either though (meaning, not penetrating)

He's expressed to me that he's been hurt very badly by girls he used to date. It is possibly it's a trust issue. But if it were, I wish he would just say that's it.

I just worry because this kind of withdraw seems very odd for a brand new relationship. Me and my past boyfriends were all over eachother in the beginning stages.

[Red Apollo]

Could be performance anxiety. But by 35, I would think he would have that straightened out.

[dem862]

Maybe he is worried he will get too attached to you and you might hurt him emotionally. I would give him some time and see if it comes around naturally.

[MaidenMinx]

I knew a guy like that once. He wouldn't come (at all) because he didn't want to waste his energy. It was a spiritual thing. We didn't last long because I often wondered why he was so happy to waste my energy.

[bbunny]

Thanks guys! The more closely I read into his actions, it looks like it's either performance anxiety or a fear of me hurting him emotionally.
He also picked up some unknown prescriptions yesterday.

Thanks for all the advice, I'll see what pans out.

[leoben]

I've never heard of a guy getting hard but not wanting to ejaculate unless it had something to do with a molestation issue. If I'm aroused for a while and I don't cum I get an ache that's pretty uncomfortable afterward, it's something you try to avoid as a male.