Issues with her body - am i superficial?

[spiralknight]

Hi guys,

first off i want to apologize if this happens to be on the wrong forum section.. it seemed like the most appropriate place to put it.
Basically, this is an issue that i'm currently feeling but my gf (of just over a year) doesn't know yet. I'm not sure when is an appropriate time if ever to bring it up and the advice i get here will probably influence that decision.

I am attracted to my gf in many ways, the physical aspect is just one of them. She has an attractive face and a good shape (5ft6, 120lbs) and in that respect i know i can't complain.. which is why the issue can seem very petty and superficial but i just can't get over it.

Basically, she has strange breasts. (yep i said it) I know small breasts are standard on slimmer women but she is basically flat-chested with no breast tissue, but alot of breast "skin". I'm not that big on breasts so usually this would be fine (my last gf was also small in that respect) but she is both flat and saggy. If i had to describe them it would be two long flaps of skin hanging down, but without the usual mass that comes with saggy breasts either. I'm not exaggerating that they actually hang down to about her elbows.

I remember when we dated for sometime, then started getting physically intimate and i got her top off. The first thing I thought of when i saw them was that they looked like deflated balloons. I had already noticed before that she was small but I hadn't expected them to be so sad looking and droopy and i was i admit somewhat taken aback. Now whenever we get intimate, everything else is fine and i can really get into it but when her breasts come into view it just takes abit of the mood out for a while. Honestly it looks like the breasts of a 60 year old on a 25 year old (and she has never got pregnant).

Before you go jumping on my case let me disclaim that this issue is not some massive crisis that i may break up with her. No, because i am committed to making this work and she is all-round a wonderful person. Its whether or not i should let her know that that particular aspect of her body is abit uncomfortable with me and perhaps we could see if some cosmetic work could be done.

Strangely she does not seem to be particularly shy of them i guess you could say she is very comfortable with me. I am not going to force her to do anything, or suggest implants even. Just something to remove and tighten the skin would do wonders, sure it would probably leave her completely flat chested since she has no tissue there (i've felt them and its really just pure skin) but that is anytime better than what they are now.

Or am i being superficial and bringing this up would likely hurt her feelings?

[sadie_genie]

You have a problem with her body before she has a problem with it? No, you shouldn't bring this up with her. It is going to encourage her to have self esteem issues and she isn't going to even want to have sex with you. Nit picking on stuff like this is going to destroy your relationship with her. Embrace everything about her and you will continue to have a wonderful relationship.

[Bumio]

I agree with the first comment.
If she is ok with the way her breasts look, your opinion could really really hurt her. She definitely knows her flaws, but she probably worked hard to accept the way she looks and love herself.

I do understand how you feel though, but try to put more attention to her other pluses and don't concentrate to this one minus (which can be also turned into a plus, it depends how you look at it).

[MaidenMinx]

Was she ever overweight? Personally I'm stuck on trying to figure out how they got like that. I had a similar issue for a while (except I had previously been pregnant) and I found that I was quite underweight (I suspect your gf is too, I just couldn't be arsed doing the maths). I've accepted that I am bigger than I thought I was and I have a c cup now, after years of barely filling an a cup. My hormones have balanced and this is where my body wants to be. When I was too skinny I would have described my breasts as men's wallets with nipples.

If she has no problem with them (and you'd likely know by now if she has a problem with them) you have no right to bring it up with her. Unless you want to make her self conscious and insecure....

[spiralknight]

Was she ever overweight?

No, actually, she's always been that skinny growing up. She is also very small boned, so being 120 pounds is actually just within the acceptable range according to the online calculator. The skin around the rest of her body doesn't seem to have any remotely similar effect either.

I'm no doctor and i'm not trying to say its a disease or anything of the sort but it could be just something programmed into her genes that led to this (again, this is a wild speculation). She has two sisters who are both similarly slim like her except they have DDs. And her mother (not that i was taking notice or anything) is also slim but large breasted. So it could just be that the skin around the area was "programmed" to grow out to accommodate large breasts but the actual tissue for some reason never materialized.

It does seem that everyone here is of the opinion that bringing it up is just a bad idea and that no good can come of it. So am i right to say that there is no conceivable scenario under which i would be justified to even voice out my thoughts about her body? I mean, she has done that to me before (like to trim certain hairs or lose the slight gut i had which i now have done so) but that doesnt make it okay for me?

[MaidenMinx]

theres a big difference between trim those hairs and your breasts are a turn off.

I'm wondering though if theres a hormonal issue. If all the other women in her family are big busted maybe she might have a hormonal deficiency...
The only conceivable way you could discuss her breasts with her is if you bought it up as a health concern.. or if she bought it up herself.

[spiralknight]

@MaidenMinx

Thank you for your comments. Yes i do see that there is a big difference indeed - because hairs are much more easily trimmed and a stomach can be toned but breasts can't magically unsag and fill up and i understand that.

As for hormones, i doubt its something "female-related" since she has regular periods and theres no, like, beard hair or something else strange going on.

Nevertheless i do think she does actually know a little about the issue. She only takes her top off when i really charm her into it and usually, she keeps her bra on when we do it (even now). Also, when we go out or she goes out she's never worn anything that showed even the slightest bit of chest area, which doesn't disconfirm this thinking.

So given that there is some awareness on her part, how could i phrase it as a health concern? Also, isn't the absence of breast tissue going to affect breast feeding in the future?

[MaidenMinx]

You answered your first question with your second. I have no idea if she'll have trouble breast feeding. She probably doesn't either. If you want kids with her one day, bring it up as a concern, but wait for an opening.

[spiralknight]

We have talked about kids and we are both in the same boat about them (a couple of years time) so i guess i will bring it up at the appropriate time after some wine and dine or something.

I have the feeling that she loves me enough that if i raised the issue, she would probably give in and go see the aesthetic clinic. She's always been very giving. That's why the issue to me is not primarily about HOW to get her to fix them but whether or not it is morally an okay thing to do. Because it would be worse than anything if she went ahead with it just for my sakes reluctantly and end up feeling all depressed and self-hating because of it. The guilt would probably kill me too.

[workingman78]

I have a suggestion that may get HER to bring it up. Start a conversation about something to do with part of your body, ask her what she thinks, then give her a chance to comment on one of her bodily insecurities. If she comments on her own breasts, then the door is open for some conversation. But, please, PLEASE be careful,the point behind the conversation isnt so you can get her to change, but to allow her to possibly address a insecurity with you.

[qwertz]

If cosmetic surgery is a viable option (expense etc) then I would definitely mention it. She is probably just too bothered about mentioning it and figures that shes stuck with them...whereas if she has the option to change, she just might want to?

[spiralknight]

Thanks for the advice guys. we just spent a couple of hours earlier hanging out at my place. workingman78, i did indeed use your idea by telling her that i always felt my legs were a little lacking and i was keen to add lower body exercises to my fitness regimen. She did agree in a nice way that it would be a good way to improve and work on my body image. Then I asked if she had any similar insecurities... and she mentioned her "big nose" (which by the way I think is perfectly fine) and also that she lacked a quote-unquote "feminine figure".

What surprised me is that without prompting, she asked me if I felt that her breasts made look older than she was. In the ensuing frank discussion turns out that she had seen a doc before about them a couple years back and that while it was too early to tell if there was anything functionally wrong with the glands inside, there was unexplained premature ageing of the skin or some sort going on. True enough, in her mid teens the fine lines there started and now ten years later the result is all the sagging and the wrinkles. Initially she tried all manner of anti-aging and firming creams but as you know this kind of stuff usually has a negligible effect so she gave up.

Long story short, I am worried that she does not get any sort of mild swelling or even tenderness at all during her periods. I have done some research and that doesn't bode too well because even in the smallest ones the period is supposed to trigger something. So am thinking of convincing her to go to the doctor's to solve that issue as first priority, because if there's some condition its probably better to get it solved asap. I don't know if the premature wrinkles and sagging is linked to this but I guess it shouldn't be a priority now anyway.

[workingman78]

Awesome, I am glad it helped and didn't turn out to be a awkward situation.

[Kaius]

Could be hormonal or just gradual degenerative. At this point is more health-related than appearance.
I'm glad you are there for her. Don't worry....as women get older, they will want implants.
My fiancee is 40 years old and had 2 kids, but her breasts look like 25 year olds (D cups)..... but she knows
eventually she will sag like all women with large breasts, and will get implants. She has worn a bra to bed all her
life, which I think delayed the aging of her breasts.

[spiralknight]

@Kaius,

Thanks for the reassurance. I suppose the difference between the cases is that she is 25, never had kids and is technically an AA cup. So by the time she is 40 with kids, they may be at her knees (just kidding - i'd still love her the same even if it were the case).

With regard to the implants though, even if she wants them I am not keen against any. I have heard all manner of terrible problems that can be caused by putting those foreign objects in one's body, and especially if she is going to have problems breast feeding already, implants will only make it worse. I would be very very happy with just a simple nip and tuck to reduce the excess skin. Large ones look terrible on slim women anyway.