Broken heart - my story.

[tfma1ne]

This is going to be pretty long, my ex left me back in June and this has been on my mind ever since. I'm not looking for any anwers or advice, I realize what went wrong. I just want to share my personal experience and hopefully this will help someone else feel a little better about their own situation.

Anyway, here goes. I met my ex, let's call her KT for short, back in August of last year. At the time I lived with three of my friends and people were coming in and out of our house a lot. One particular day, I was coming home from the gym with one of the guys that I lived with and a mutual friend, I'll call him PS for short, called us and said that he was coming over with his wife and some girl that they recently met. I didn't think much of it at the time but this was going to be the day that was going to outline my life for the next ten months. We came hme and I met "the girl". She was wearing sweats and a hoodie and overall looked a little disheveled. Still, I thought that she was very pretty. Since I was one of the only people in the house that smoked, PS called me over to go have a cigarette with him and the girl outside. Once there, we got to talking and I found out a little bit about her. Turns out, she moved here from Jersey, well, ran would be a more appropriate term. At 19, she was already married and running from her husband who, according to her, physically abused her. That sounded like a red flag but I wasn't the most logical guy in the world and connecting the dots was definetetely not my forte.

I invited her to a BBQ my friends and I were going to for one of our patients at the time (we are EMT's). She agreed and the next day I picked her up, she looked a lot better dressed up. I should probably mention that she was staying at an office of one of the Ambulance companies in the area. Again, another red flag but I can honestly say that I didn't care at the time because I wasn't looking for anything other than a quick lay. Things went great at the BBQ and we ended up kissing back at my house when we were alone. Later, she left with PS who insisted she go to another party with him and his wife. That was super odd, because he kept doing that all day. If he wasn't married I'd definetely say that he liked her and was cockblocking. That's the impression I got, anyway. Well, from that point on we begin hanging out more and more, pretty much everyday. I'm starting to like her a lot.

Eventually, I ask her to be my girlfriend and after some thinking, she agrees. As funny as this sounds, next day we break up. Apparently she wasn't ready to commit. Later on that day we get back together...I can't even talk about red flags at this point. This was starting to turn into a full on code red alert right in front of my eyes, still I ignored the signs. Throughout all of this, there is a guy desperately trying to get her attention, let's give him the monniker ID. I wasn't too worried about it because according to her he was ugly, old, uninteresting, and everything else under the sun. Still, it struck me as weird that she still kept talking to him. On comes my birthday, she says that she wants me to go and hang out with my friends and doesn't want to be a bother. I says that it's no big deal but tell her she's free to do what she wants. At this point she's been condemning me for supposedly "putting chains on her", which, honestly, I didn't think that I did but hey - I didn't want her to feel like that either. So, knowing that ID asked her to go out to the club with him "as friends" I tell her she can if she wants. I didn't like it but I wasn't going to stop her after her diatribes on how I didn't let her do anything without me. I wanted her to know that I trusted her. So that night, she comes to the house later than I do. Mind you, I came home at around 3 in the morning. She says she had fun and I tell her that I'm happy for her and leave it at that. I was pissed that she spent my birthday with another guy, especially a guy that was so very clearly in love with her, but I trusted her and didn't make an issue out of it. Next morning, I drive her to work (a job that I got her) and she's texting this guy the whole time and telling me how much fun she had. Again, I ignore it. The whole next week she keeps talking to ID more and more and eventually tells me that instead of staying at the office she might move in with him since he's getting his own place( he was living with his parents beforehand, at 26...). Of course I tell her that's going too far.

Later that night, she breaks up with me in a tearful conversation in which she states that I'm the love of her life but she's not ready to be with anyone yet, text message poetry included. I was crushed so the next day I was already begging for her to reconsider. I also found out that she's been going out with ID and "helping him move". Anyway, we meet up, and she's with him. She gives him a kiss on the cheek as she leaves to talk to me. Looked like a kiss on the lips to me, but hey, what do I know? So as we talk I finally find out that she cheated on me...on my birthday. Still, she insists that it was a one time thing and that I should understand because she was drunk, sad, confused, depressed...etc. She also says that she's moving to Florida with her "real brothers". Meaning, her actual family as opposed to the one that adopted her that's all here in Philly. Of course she says she's "crushed" because she's leaving me behind. I beg her not to go and get back together, she refuses.

Next time I'm with her I give her my car to go and meet up with her brothers. She informs me that this will be the meeting that decides wheter she leaves or stays. She comes back later that night and leaves the next morning, with ID. She's staying, apparently for both of us. That pisses me off because she still has the nerve to insist that the guy is "just a friend" and there is nothing more even though every picture on his facebook is of them two together and at this point the're also obviously living together as well. At some point within the next few weeks she borrows my car again, and totals it. The first words out of her mouth are, "Why are you so mad at me?". Still, like a chump, I tell her that I'm not, I love her, and to pick between me and ID. Obviously, she picks him, even though, "It's so hard to let me go". Afterwards, I meet up with her, talk to her, and end up kissing her. At which point she runs away and proceeds to take like 6 vicodin and text ID about how she loves him but can't deal with "it" anymore. Whatever "it" is, I still can't figure out. I don't even know if she knows to be honest with you. So I rush over to the hospital, see her, and of course she's fine. I know people who have 6 vics for breakfast, and I'm not even sure if she took them at all. When I tell you she was fine, I mean there was literally nothing wrong with her. I leave because I don't want to see this guy sitting next to her, holding her hand etc. Quite frankly, it pissed me the **** off.

A week later I finally visit her, she's in the psych ward. I also get 500 dollars from ID for my car, which I thought was hilarious. Oh and I tell the guy that I found someone else, which she of course "accidentally" finds out about. So long story short I visit her and it turns out that she fell back in love with me and the kiss made her realize that I was the one, of course ID is under the impression that they're now exclusive...After she gets out we start dating again, and having a lot of sex in the back of my friend's van...She tells ID that we're justt hanging out as friends and laughs about it to me everytime that we're together. She also laughs at his texts, questions, visits at work, you name it. Basically, she treats this guy like a joke. He, of course, thinks that she loves him. Now, I know I should have probably felt bad but hey, she cheated on me with him, on my birthday, left me, and then at one point he told me that "I'm just mad that someone stole my girlfriend". As far as I saw it, it was eye for an eye.

Eventually she leaves him and he moves to LA, but not before cheating on me again at a Christmas party with a guy that used to live in that office with her. Of course she denies it, tells me I'm crazy and that I'm making things up in my head. Untill, once again, I find out for sure along with a dating site where she met another "friend" that "she knew from High School". Oh, and a lot of provacative pictures in her e-mail account that were supposedly only meant for me. She managed to send them out, however, to a few people that I could have swore were not me or even related to me in any way, shape, or form. Her excuse this time? "We weren't really together!" Now, I know at this point you're thinking that there was no way I didn't leave her - wrong. I loved this girl and couldn't picture my life without her so I yelled, she cried, I cried, and that was the end of that - now we were "official".

The next big thing to happen was her getting pregnant. Mind you, she told me that due to some things, she was unable to bear children. Unfortunately I believed her. Even weirder, she later later told me that she's been pregnant before but miscarried. Even weirder than that, a week after she told me that we found out that she's pregnant. Yea I know, what a miracle. Now, I put her through a lot during her pregnancy that I feel really bad for. A couple of times I told her that it might not be mine, argued with her, and overall made it apparent that did not trust her at all. I made her cry A LOT and I really do feel terrible about it. To my defense, I had a lot riding on my shoulders, I crashed my new car and now had to wake up at 2 in the morning just to walk to work for 2 and a half hours almost every day. All of my old friends dissappeared, and I was basically left to deal with this shit all on my own. I can honestly say that 90% of the bills during the time that we lived together were paid by me, without any complaints what so ever. I tried saving up money for the future and was basically an emotional wreck over everything that was happening in my life. It's no excuse for the way I acted and I really do wish that I could take it back but I can't - it was what it was. Fortunatelly, we ended up getting an abortion.

About a week or two after we had a huge argument because I backtraced a phone number. Of course she flipped out and said that I didn't trust her, love her etc. I ended up breaking up with her that night. A very dumb decision on my part because I expected us to get back together the next day just like every other time but I guess that this was the last straw for her. The next night she didn't come home from work and wouln't tell me where she was or who she was with. I flipped, called her all types of whores and sluts, slammed the door and left, all in front of a mutual friend. When she left for work, I packed up all of my things and left for my mom's house. During me packing two of her friends came in to check up on me and see if I broke anything due to an incident that happened a couple of months back where I threw every present she ever gave me or I ever gave her in the toilet and, yep...pissed on it. Like I said, I'm a prick at times and I realize it but again, I did that due to the fact that I found text messages on her phone where she was making plans with a guy that she previously cheated on me with. If I recall correctly, one of the texts said something along the lines of "let me measure your dick with my mouth". Not verbatim or anything, but you get the point. Anyway, I moved to my mom's house and the not talking to each other lasted about a day. I finally broke and called her, and called her, and called her...and called her some more. She wasn't home. So, what did I do? Climbed in through the window and decided to wait for her so we could talk. I know, absolutely genious and not creepy what so ever. Anyway, I finally went to her work and saw her, gave her a ring, she gave me a ride home, I fake - cried (somehow I thought that would make her feel bad and take me back - I know, I know, I'm a genious) and tried to open the door and walk out of the car. I didn't try to jump out or anything, I'm not that crazy, but it didn't exactly leave a great impression on her after the fake - crying and all.

So after all of that, I still stayed at the house for a little, of course I had an alterior motive of getting her back. Too bad she was no longer ever home, she was telling me she was just staying with a (female) friend and for some reason I believed her. Well, really I just enjoyed lying to myself. When she finally came back we got into another fight, she hit me in the back and then afterwards began yelling that I hit her which was a low blow since I never did or ever would. Not just her, any woman really. Cops were called (by me). And I had to leave once again.

Afterwards we had many more text message arguments, all started by me, during which she let me know that she's been talking to people, and hinted that she slept with a few as well. I, of course, ignored that because hearing that was like a knife through the heart. Plus, her friend kept telling me that there was noone else and that I had nothing to worry about. We met up once more, at my request to try to be friends, and I ruined that too. In reality it really bothered me that she kept getting phone calls from one of the guys that came in "to check up on me" when I was moving out and he was talking to her as if there was something there, as was she. Of course, KT insisted that once again, "he was just a friend". But even worse than that, I could tell that she was completely over me. She could laugh and joke and wasn't interested in what I was doing, or had to say, nothing. Basically, she was completely capable of being friends and I wasn't because I really was in love with her.That hurt worse than anything she could've done to me because before I at least knew that she still had feeling for me. Now it was completely apparent that she didn't.

[tfma1ne]

Afterwards, I continued harrassing her with texts and phone calls and it ended with me finally getting it out of her that, yes, she did sleep with the guy, and that it wasn't just him. I told her that I would never talk to her again, actually I swore on my mom's and little sister's lives. That was more for me than for her because at that point I knew that she could care less whether I talked to her or not. Next week she moved to Florida and I haven't spoken to her since. So that's my story, I went from being the nice guy, to an asshole, to a psycho ex boyfriend all in the same relationship. I still miss her a lot and I've been with a couple of girls since our breakup but it just wasn't the same.

I know that a relationship like that was doomed from the start, but I was in love with her, that much I know, and it was definetely an experience. Oh, and the sex was great. I don't think I'll ever behave that way in a relationship again and I've definetely learned my lessons from this one but I do find myself wishing things were different or that we dated later in life because add a little maturity into the mix and I honestly believe that this would have been the girl that I ended up marrying. I'm kind of glad that she's not calling me or attempting contact because I think if she was it would be even harder to get over her. I still have feelings for her, maybe even love her, and I think about her all the time, but I wish her nothing but the best. I hope she's happy. Well, that's the end, thanks for reading my crazy little story I guess.

[Saya]

Sorry, I would like to read this, but you need to have paragraphs or else no one is going to read this since it is TOO long with no gap between paragraphs...

[tfma1ne]

Sorry, I would like to read this, but you need to have paragraphs or else no one is going to read this since it is TOO long with no gap between paragraphs...

Okey doke, I'll fix it.

[tfma1ne]

Sorry, I would like to read this, but you need to have paragraphs or else no one is going to read this since it is TOO long with no gap between paragraphs...

Yea, sorry. I don't know how to indent the paragraphs, the tags don't work for me.

[jen91]

I read it and WOW! All of that happened in just 10 months? That sounded like an insane relationship. Love can really make people do crazy things. I hope you find "the one" because she sure wasn't it!!

[tfma1ne]

I read it and WOW! All of that happened in just 10 months? That sounded like an insane relationship. Love can really make people do crazy things. I hope you find "the one" because she sure wasn't it!!

The whole thing lasted about a year, the relationship itself was 10 months and yea it was definetely insane. Believe it or not, I omitted a lot of details that I could probably fill as much text with. I realize she wasn't the one but she might just be the most memorable lol.

[E.T.]

It's a pleasure to see that after all you still managed to keep a positive attitude.
I'm sure others too would find your story educational if they took the time to read it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and best of luck to you.

[Emerald_City206]

You have a good attitude about things. I suggest put your energy in a women who reciprocates. It will be much easier on you in the long run. And dnt text things like that! Talking and seeing someon face to face is the only way to go!

[tfma1ne]

Thanks. As far as texting anything goes, been there - done that, won't do it again lol. I haven't spoken to, or seen the girl in question in almost three months now. I have no clue what she's doing, who she's with, or where. To be honest, while there are some lingering feelings, I feel like I'm pretty much over it. Looking back, you get a much better perspective on things then you do when you're caught up in the moment. While it was a shitty relationship, it was something I had to go through and learn from the mistakes made. Basically, it made me better in the long run as far as relationships go.

[jen91]

I'm just starting a no contact deal. Wow is it hard. I hope it gets easier

[tfma1ne]

I'm just starting a no contact deal. Wow is it hard. I hope it gets easier

It's only hard because you're hoping to hear from the person and wondering when it'll happen. As soon as you accept things for what they are, it becomes extremely easy. Stop counting the days, checking your phone, etc. and just accept it. Work on letting go instead of hoping for something that likely won't happen.

[jen91]

It's only hard because you're hoping to hear from the person and wondering when it'll happen. As soon as you accept things for what they are, it becomes extremely easy. Stop counting the days, checking your phone, etc. and just accept it. Work on letting go instead of hoping for something that likely won't happen.

Well I left the ball in his court so if he responds soon, fine but if he takes a while....I'm done. I've made up my mind. So yeah I'll be hoping and wondering for a few days....can't help it!

[tfma1ne]

Well I left the ball in his court so if he responds soon, fine but if he takes a while....I'm done. I've made up my mind. So yeah I'll be hoping and wondering for a few days....can't help it!

It's definetely hard, but once you start to focus on your life without the person and accepting the present instead of focusing on the past - it gets much easier. Often times, it's very easy for them to not keep contact because they're not thinking about you, wondering if you're thinking about them, or doing things just to make you miss them. Simply put, they don't care and it doesn't bother them that you're not calling anymore. As soon as you start doing things for yourself and not make it about "showing" them that you don't need them - the world starts looking a lot brighter. After all, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you : )

[jen91]

It's definetely hard, but once you start to focus on your life without the person and accepting the present instead of focusing on the past - it gets much easier. Often times, it's very easy for them to not keep contact because they're not thinking about you, wondering if you're thinking about them, or doing things just to make you miss them. Simply put, they don't care and it doesn't bother them that you're not calling anymore. As soon as you start doing things for yourself and not make it about "showing" them that you don't need them - the world starts looking a lot brighter. After all, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you : )

Thanks tf....I'm gonna need it!!