Need Advice: Follow my head or heart?

[RobertFriendly]

I'm 35 years old and have been in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend Mark for 15 years. He and I met when we were practically kids and "greg up" together attending the same university, moving around the country chasing our dreams and ultimately settling down here. We have a house and successful business together.

About a year ago, I met "Rene", in a very random way and we quickly become instantly bonded like we'd known each other forever. I think that time was the happiest that I've ever been. Rene and his long time partner hung out with Mark and I and the 4 of us got along so well - but Rene and I just clicked and clicked. Best friends ever.

A few months ago, Rene confronted me privately and told me he had fallen in love with me and he told me he knew I'd fallen in love with him too. He told me he wanted us to be together. I was shocked at first and then realized that I'd been lying to myself and that I had fallen for him.

I confessed to Mark about my feelings for Rene but since Mark and I have been together so long, I decided the best thing to do was to cut off all contact with Rene and try to move on. Rene agreed and we didn't speak for about 3 months. Secretly I've missed him every day but kept trying to forget him and focus on Mark.

My brain says: stick with Mark. You know exactly what kind of a partner he is. Your business depends on you being together. You grew up together and share the same friends. Your family adores him. I'm just not sure if I'm still IN love with him.

My heart says: go with Rene and take a chance. I've never felt anything like my connection for Rene. As a lifelong atheist, my feelings for him are the closest I've ever come to "spiritual" - the deepest I've ever felt for another human being. I have no idea if we would be compatible partners or not but I love him.

Do I follow my heart or brain? Help!

[devonbrown]

My suggestion is to separate apart from both Mark and Rene for a few months. Allow yourself you figure out what it is that you want. You haven't been single since you were 20 years old, so you don't even know what the adult "single" you would want. Also, this would be fair for Mark as well, as it would give him time to figure out things for himself as well.

Good luck.

[searock]

I completely agree with devonbrown.

If you think that you are in love with another man, then you shouldn't be together with Mark, regardless of the fact that you may or may not get together with the other man. It's not right for either of you.

But in the eventuality that you are just "confused", the best thing to do is to take some time for yourself. You have never been single since you "grew up", you don't even know yourself without Mark. Figure that out, and the answer will come naturally : ).

[RobertFriendly]

I think that would be the best choice but the mechanics of separating are so heavy that I can't see how we would ever get back together if I put us through that (sell our house, dismantle our company, etc). ARRRGH!! Hate this.