Girlfriend falling for ex all over again.

[TigersFan]

[EDIT]
I broke up with her as of this edit 12/4. It has been a few days but just letting future readers know


So I made a thread earlier about how she contacted her ex 3 weeks ago after he made a FB post about there would be 4 year anniversary. Since then they have hung out twice. Me and my GF have been together for 11 months now and I am truly in love.

Tonight I hung out with my GF and when we were alone she began to cry, after I had begged her to talk about it she tells me she still loves him and how terrible she is because of it. I ask her who she prefers, who she loves more and she says "I dont know".... She says that if she did get back with her ex that all her friends and family would hate her and that I would hate her. I tell her I wont (I cant) but admit that we can never hang out like we do now and being just friends will be way hard for me. I tell her that Im afraid that shes only staying with me because of everyone elses disapproval and she says "well...and other things too" In an unsure tone. After seeing in how much of a down mood I got in she tries to act all happy again to lift my spirits but I cant stop thinking about this all night.

Her ex in the past has been extremely possessive, controlling, and really mean to her. In the last 10 months he has had 2 girlfriends, one of which has openly stated how much of a dick he is. He claims he has changed, she does too, but I find it really hard to believe that he cna change into a totally different person in such a short time.

Christmas and our one year anniversary is coming up and past that I cant say how much longer will we def. be together. Its killing me....

Seems like the outcomes of her leaving me are

1.) He has changed and they live happily ever after together
2.) He hasnt changed, she realizes this and leaves him again
3.) He hasnt changed and she puts up with it


Help : (

[TigersFan]

Here is it more detailed from previous thread

Hi, my name is Jose and I registered to ask for advise in a time where I really think I need it.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 11 months now and it has been the best 11 months of my life, I have seriously fallen for her and she has become the biggest part of my life. When we first met she was dating another guy for around 3 years though from what ive heard from my girlfriend's friends, the guy was very overprotective of her and would often yell at her and treat her like garbage at times, they told me of a time where he was fighting with her father really loudly while she was crying on the couch.

Well after 2 1/3 years the guy had to go off to another state for career reasons, so they tried to keep a long distance relationship. I didnt start hanging out with her until around the 2 1/2 years mark where he was still away. The first time I went to her house as with a group of friends, at the time I didnt have a giant attraction to her but over time it grew. At the 2 3/4 year mark she was flirting with me a bit but I didnt really react much at all seeing as she was in a relationship and I respected that. I noticed that whenever she called her old BF she would cry either because she missed him or he accused her of cheating because she would either hang out with me or my friend or he would bitch whenever she attended one of my friend's sports games. I had heard stories of their relationship and though the guy didnt seem like a very good BF to me, there was really nothing I could do.

Well right before their 3 year anniversary she broke up with him (a few weeks before he planned to come back). Her friend's all egged me on to make a move make a move but seeing as I never had a GF before I was hesitant on to how fast to go and to what approach to take. Well a little more than a month after she broke up with her old BF we began our relationship and for the first couple months it was difficult because she would have depressed feelings time to time thinking of her ex BF, I figured that after being together so long that it was expected and I was always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He was furious with her for breaking up with him and she didnt want him to hate her. She cried to me one day after she hung out with some friends and she thought she was acting flirty towards another guy (I dont know him). I told her I trusted her (I did) and that she doesnt need to cry, it seemed like she had never heard anything like that before.

Fast forward 10 1/2 months, my GF gets a text from a friend that her ex BF made a FB status about their 4 year anniversary (he had been through 2 more GF within that 10 month span) so she messaged him to see what it was about. Now SHE told me this, she told me that he said he still loves her and that she still had feelings for him but she said it wouldnt come between us. They wanted to arrange a meeting so that they could catch up and he suggested a sporting event and she accepted, she told me that as well. I took it all in stride, assured her that while it made me uneasy I was not angry, mad, or anything like that. Well one day I on FB and playing a game and I see that I need more points so I log onto her FB (We both know each others p/w for this reason so there was no conniving or anything like that) and in the bottom tab I see a conversation with her ex and with it right in front of me there was no way for me not to look seeing as its already open and on my screen. In the conversation the guy states how much he misses her, loves her and even got an engagement ring for her. She says she misses him and missed show he used to call her princess and stuff like that. They had also agreed to go to dinner before the game as well. All of her friends disapprove of meeting with them as they have said that they like me better (hell even her mom said it) but she insists she knows what shes doing.

Now heres my 'question'. I feel guilty as hell for snooping and I know I shouldnt have but reading what I read has my stomach in knots and every time I think of scenarios in my head on how this could all play out, every one ends up bad. I do trust her, I really do but I dont trust him, not one bit and I hate not knowing what is going on or what he might try.The date is going on now btw so that is influencing my decision to post right now. I dont know what I should do or what I should feel.
---------------------

Any advise would be appreciated!

[mwahahaha]

To be honest tiger,i think you are taking all this too calmly. if my bird told me she loved someone else , her bags would be on the street before that charlatan had time to finish her chores, Anyway,my point is, have rspect for yourself. This bird has kinda already fckd you over by pissing about on facebook like some lovesick teenager. What you said she has done is unforgivable in my book and makes my piss boil. The way i see it, is you have 2 choices. Stand up and be man, and tell this comedian straight. She has to choose and choose today or tell her to fck off. your other choice is carry on with the status quo, which will end up with her leaving you anyway for this don jaun facebook arse bandit. Do you really want someone who will stay with you just because her family and friends dont approve of this other ball sack?

Sorry to be so harsh tiger, but you kinda seem blinded by this pish. You ll meet someone better, probably, and even if you dont, its no great loss. Modern gaming machines will soon render all females redundant. If my playstation could make my dinner, my bird would be living on borrowed time.

[Leona77]

Modern gaming machines will soon render all females redundant. If my playstation could make my dinner, my bird would be living on borrowed time.

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ))))

p.s Can I add this as my fb status?

[oldskool83]

peace her, dont even need to ask why. she told you. you blinded by the entire thing. let her go back and see what the deal is. when she wants you back months later say no.

[devonbrown]

It is pretty simple, actually. She still has a torch for her ex. And she is considering getting back together with him. It's over. Don't wait around. Just walk away from it. And don't concern yourself with what the outcomes will be if she gets back together with him. That is all on her.

Frankly, you are acting like a doormat, just willing to take whatever she throws at you. Man up and do what is best for you. And that is walking away. I know you care about her, but she doesn't care about you in the same way. She has told you that. Find someone who will treat you better. And with some respect. Once you find that respect for yourself.

Good luck.

[Kaius]

You know what you are feeling. You don't want someone who loves her ex. That would drive you nuts. Let her go back to her ex. Dickheads never changes. She will soon leave him again....and she will realize how wrong she was to go back.
Don't take her back no matter how much you think you love her. Some women go through repeated cycles, and destroys every man that loves them. For your own sake, move on and start over. It's not too late to seek happiness outside of her.

[Needhelp???]

Drop her man, Sorry but she is a waste of time. Good luck and hope you can move on ASAP!

[TigersFan]

Update:

SO I broke up with her after she told me that she might want to get back together with her ex. Feel better now, still a bit uneasy but trying to cut her from my life. Our whole group of friends is having a get together on Christmas or around there so we are still working that out lol

[stuckies]

Stay strong.

Some folks don't know when they have something good and some people thrive on 'connection' even if it's with a dickhead. How else do you explain all the people who stay with and go back to people who abuse them.

[searock]

You definitely did the right thing in breaking up with her, and you are doing the right thing now trying to keep well away from her. Just a question - did she keep in contact with her ex during the 11 months she spent with you?

[bcgirl]

This is your first gf and your first experience. My advise is to break up with her. Why on earth would you want to wait around on her decision of whether your own gf wants to be with another guy? Don't feel like you need to protect her from her "evil" ex boyfriend.....she has her own mind and can think for herself. Girls like bad boys and the nice ones always finish last
Even if she chose you.... who cares?! The damage is done, and she is not worth the drama

[TigersFan]

You definitely did the right thing in breaking up with her, and you are doing the right thing now trying to keep well away from her. Just a question - did she keep in contact with her ex during the 11 months she spent with you?

No, just the last few weeks.