Question about my relationship

[jschenone]

Long winded story, but please bear with me.

I met my current boyfriend about 2.5 years ago at the grocery store where he works. He works at the deli counter. I have been going to that grocery store for years - it is down the street from my home.

I used to go in once a week. Sometimes I'd go in with my parents. Every time we needed help at the deli, he would be the one to service us. After a while, he started talking to me and we became fast friends. It was talking about our similar musical interests that brought us together. Eventually, he asked my name and we hung out. The first time we hung out, he mentioned he had a girlfriend, who also worked at the store (she's a courtesy clerk).

I found him attractive, but only thought of him as a friend. Over the months, we talked and hung out more. Since he had a girlfriend, I never initiated contact - if he wanted to talk to me, he would call/text. I even mentioned to him once that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable with us hanging out. He said she was completely fine with us hanging out and that she didn't care, so we continued to.

A couple months into the friendship, he told me he'd actually been having problems with his girlfriend and had wanted to end the relationship. He held it off, however, because she was really emotionally unstable and had used to cut herself. He told me that she wasn't the right girl for him and there were many things about her that he didn't like.

I was starting to really like him - I felt so comfortable around him and he felt like my best friend. Later, he told me he was also falling in love with me and had to end it with his girlfriend. So he did that, and a couple months later he asked me out.

It has been a year and we are still together.

His ex has a new boyfriend too (who also works at the same grocery store) but she still hates me. I feel it, and she actually said something rude to me a few weeks ago.

Was I wrong in staying friends with him while he was still with his ex?

We talked about it once, and he says that even though it wasn't the best thing to do, he said it felt RIGHT because he loved me. Also, I never flirted with him, never called/texted if he didn't do it first, and I really thought his ex was OK with us hanging out.

[Mathias]

Why do you care what she thinks?

[lilmissmood]

No i dont think you were wrong. You guys were friends and it wasn't like you forced him into falling in love with you. things happen and you can't help it.
As long as you he didn't cheat on her through all this then i can't see a problem.
He broke up with her when he started to have feelings for you.

[jschenone]

Thanks for the input guys! It made me feel better.

The reason I asked this question was because his ex said something rude to me a while ago.

I was shopping at the grocery store and was about to get in line. All the lines were full except hers. I was in a hurry, so I really didn't have time to stand and wait in a different line just so I could avoid her. So I went through her line. I wasn't planning on saying something to her or provoking her and I actually gave her a small smile, which turned into a wince when she started being a b*tch. Right when she saw me, she stared at me, gave me a dirty look, then said "Really?" As in "Really, you're coming through my line?" I ignored the comment and played it cool the rest of the time.

But all the while I was thinking how rude and unprofessional she was.

Then I got to thinking about WHY she hates me so much and I'm just wondering if the way my BF and I got together was wrong. But then again, he never cheated on her and you really can't help who you fall in love with, right?! He broke up with her right after he knew he had to be with me.

My BF tells me that even though it was technically not cool for him to have feelings for me while he was still with his ex, it felt RIGHT to be with me and wrong to be with her because he just didn't love her...

[bluesummer]

She's just jealous and it's her issue to deal with, not yours. She may have this idea in her head that you 'stole' him, but you didn't and really who gives a damn what she thinks.

[lilmissmood]

She is just bitter and jealous.
You're right, he shouldn't have had feelings for you while he was with her, but it wasn't like he acted on them when he was with her. He broke up with her first. Which i think shows alot of courage. He could have just taken the easy way out and cheated on her then she would have had a reason to dump him. But he was a man and admitted his feelings - he shouldn't feel bad about that.

As for the comment she made to you. Yes it was rude, but i wouldn't dwell on it, cause frankly she needs to get over it! If she is with someone else then she shouldn't dwell on the past. Yes it's understandable that she would be upset about it, she obviously had feelings for him. But like i said, she is with someone else and if she isn't 'happy' with this new person in her life then that is her problem not yours, or his.

So i wouldn't worry about it hun, you two just live your life and enjoy being in love x

[jschenone]

You're all right, thanks for the support!

[Ea Scarlet]

Don't worry about it too much.

[a-brainwavelove]

It surely is her problem, not yours - but you really are very sensitive. This is a good thing in a way, and also shows that you are a sincere person, who cares about moral principles and honesty, but try not to take other people's rudeness so deeply. Later on in your life this could really affect you emotionally - people being rude means they have a problem and you should not take it personally and let it affect you so much.

[mrFrog]

You know... one of the secrets of a happy life is do not make others' emotional problems become yours, especially if they're from the guys who have no relations with you. Smile.

[lylufy]

Actually, If I was her, I also angry with you even rude to you, I can. Because, try to put you on her position!
Before you came, they had been happy together. May be there was some trouble, but still can repair it.
If you did not occur between them, may be they were not hold off. She did think so, surely ! That why she hate you!
But, she could not understand that : Love can not forced ! Love can only come from 2 sides : he and she.
In addition, there is a true that: Love can change ! from this girl to that girl or vice versa about boys.
These are totally rational ! Because she did not understand this, so she hate you.
But, that is obviously her problem ! The wrong her thought, her view, her feeling are from misunderstood of her.
So, why you must pay attention to much to it?
You will get more situations like this. You will alway blame yourself?
You must learn the way to protect your feeling with this.
That's also to be mature !