Could it be lurve?

[pixieland8]

Well, I just want some opinions... so I am putting it out to all of you.

I am 31, he is 37... I have been seeing my bf exclusively for 12months... we were previously in a "f@#k buddy" relationship for 9month til we both decided that there is more to it than that alone. Neither of us has said the 'Love' word. I am not to sure if he does or doesn't love me. He shows all the signs of wanting to be in a committed relationship. He has told me he sees us having a long future together but as I said he hasn't said those words.

I know I love him however I am not ready to share that in fear of not having it reciprocated and I don't want to pressure him into saying it if he isnt ready. What do you guys think? Do you think he does love me but not ready to tell me? Should I tell him how I feel and tell him I don't need him to tell me as I already know he wants to be with me? Grr... i'm such a typical female

[bulrush]

He shows all the signs of wanting to be in a committed relationship.

I don't do "signs". I ask the person directly. When one has clear communication, one gets a lot more of what one wants. My gf happens to like my no-games directness. And I like hers.

I know I love him however I am not ready to share that in fear of not having it reciprocated and I don't want to pressure him into saying it if he isnt ready.

If you risk nothing, you will get nothing in return. Take a risk, ask him how he would feel if you told him the "L" word. You might be surprised. He might be waiting for YOU because he doesn't want to pressure YOU. Talk about it directly. I did with my gf, and it worked for me.

Grr... i'm such a typical female

I disagree. I think you are simply inexperienced, even at your age.

Do you think he is marriage material? Is he that good, mature, dependable of a guy? If not, why waste your time on a long-term relationship? Do you want to get married, or just be life partners? I'm not judging, but more and more people are not getting married, they are just going to be life partners. And they are very happy that way.

[girl68]

at 12 months and over 30, I think you guys should be more than mature, willing and knowledgeable to have this conversation. Say it- you're a grown woman and if you know you love him tell him so. I see no reason why you should hide it unless you have good reason to think he doesn't. (which you don't.)

[Wakeup]

Well, I just want some opinions... so I am putting it out to all of you.

I am 31, he is 37... I have been seeing my bf exclusively for 12months... we were previously in a "f@#k buddy" relationship for 9month til we both decided that there is more to it than that alone. Neither of us has said the 'Love' word. I am not to sure if he does or doesn't love me. He shows all the signs of wanting to be in a committed relationship. He has told me he sees us having a long future together but as I said he hasn't said those words.

I know I love him however I am not ready to share that in fear of not having it reciprocated and I don't want to pressure him into saying it if he isnt ready. What do you guys think? Do you think he does love me but not ready to tell me? Should I tell him how I feel and tell him I don't need him to tell me as I already know he wants to be with me? Grr... i'm such a typical female

Why do you need to "set it up?" If you love him then tell him. If he doesn't say it back then bide your time and I'm sure he eventually will say it to you if he actually does. If he never says it then does he show it to you in actions that he loves you? Anyway, IMO if his actions are showing you love then tell him you love him and let the chips fall where they may. If his actions are'nt showing you he loves you then keep your confession to yourself because it doesn't matter if he knows you love him if he's not reciprocating in kind. Words are just words, it's the actions that tell you if you should or shouldn't tell him how you feel.

You might like the book The Five Love Languages. Perhaps he is telling you he loves you without actually saying the words.

[pixieland8]

Thanks for your replies. You have definitely given a few aspects to think about. We have always been straight forward and honest with each other, so something like this shouldn't be any different, especially when its been working for us so far. I am putting my question down to my own insecurities from a previous failed marriage (9 years + 1 child) and the fears that come with that.

If you risk nothing, you will get nothing in return. Take a risk, ask him how he would feel if you told him the "L" word. You might be surprised. He might be waiting for YOU because he doesn't want to pressure YOU. Talk about it directly. I did with my gf, and it worked for me.

I agree, I need to put it out there. Be honest with myself and take the risk. However, being my own devil's advocate, one of the questions I ask myself is if I raise the "L" word with him first and he reciprocates, how do I know he isn't just playing me or just telling me what he thinks I want to hear? I know, you going to tell me just to trust him and that in itself is my own work in progress.

Do you think he is marriage material? Is he that good, mature, dependable of a guy? If not, why waste your time on a long-term relationship? Do you want to get married, or just be life partners? I'm not judging, but more and more people are not getting married, they are just going to be life partners. And they are very happy that way.

He is one of those "good guys", mature and respectful. He has never pressured me into anything and we have been happy not to rush into anything until we have both been ready. Marriage material doesn't come into play in my life. I still believe in marriage however I do not need to be married. He is definitely, as you put it, "life partner" material and can envisage us being us being together when we are old.

You might like the book The Five Love Languages. Perhaps he is telling you he loves you without actually saying the words.

Thanks for the book referral, I'll check it out. If anything it can help me overcome my own issues.

Thanks again for your adivce