Please help! My relationship is falling apart.

[Elis]

Hi,
My husband has big problem…
During sex he wants to look at me in order to ejaculate. He once told me that before marrying me he was addicted to pornography but since becoming a christian he has stopped looking at porn.
The thing is that I now feel that I have become his substitution for porn. He says that he loves looking at me and that brings him great satisfaction.
I feel disgusted by this and don’t want to show myself to him anymore.
He is able to perform normal sex and he even loves giving me oral sex. But none of this matters for me anymore. I don’t want to have sex with him because I can’t stand him looking at me.
He says that I’m wrong and that men are aroused through their eyes. He says that this is hurting him badly because he doesn’t want to look at other women or think about other women (because he is a christian).
I feel like I have married a person with sexual problems and that he doesn’t even know it.
For example: Once I agreed to use my hands in order for him to have an ejaculation but he said that he also wanted to look at me otherwise he must fantasize and he doesn’t want to do that.
I can’t stand his sexual problems and don’t really know what to do. He is a great and loving husband but this issue is destroying our marriage.
Please help…

[Cerby]

This can't be a serious thread...

You're upset because your husband is turned on by you and like you look at you when he gets off? Would you rather he close his eyes and fantasize about someone else? This doesn't sound like a sexual problem at all, and I think a lot of people would be flattered by it.

I'm either missing the meaning when you say he likes to "look" at you, or you both should go to couples therapy and get this sorted out before it becomes a problem. Its not just him. . .

[jen91]

What exactly does he want to look at?? I don't see the problem here! He wants to look at YOU...his wife and not anything else! Oh poor you...I dump him.

[gigigi]

yeah, if this post is serious, then it seems to be you who has sexual problems, not your husband.

[searock]

What exactly do you mean by "he wants to look at you"? He wants to watch while you touch yourself or something? Cause if it's only that he gets off by looking at YOU during sex, well that's perfectly normal! Personally I would find it a problem if it weren't so. Don't you get aroused by looking at him? Porn has nothing to do with it, it is true that men are very visual sexual beings (regardless of porn). You should be happy that he wants to look at you alone, and not think about some other fantasy woman. Would you rather he closed his eyes?