Relationship issues? is this it?

[pisces25]

You keep saying the porn on the phone makes you uncomfortable, do you know why? Most phones are like computers now anyway so what part of the whole phone thing makes you uncomfortable?

Also it could seem this issue you are having is a sign of something deeper ie such as him not respecting your feelings in general so maybe examine those other times he hasn't considered your feelings and see if they make you have the same reaction as the porn thing.

As for whether he keeps his promise to keep porn off his phone or not well we can't tell you what decision to make if you do decide to snoop and find it there. Snooping isn't healthy in a relationship either. Definitely indicates distrust. Be careful too coz if you tell people what to do (or what NOT to do) it forces them to become more secretive, in fear of them hurting you. Keeping things as open and honest as possible is the key. If you feel your feelings aren't being respected, whether its the porn or other issues, then you need to decide if you deserve that or not.

Good luck.

[MerryH]

You keep saying the porn on the phone makes you uncomfortable, do you know why? Most phones are like computers now anyway so what part of the whole phone thing makes you uncomfortable?

Yeah, this. ^ Seriously, why are you supposedly fine with him viewing pictures of naked ladies anywhere but his phone? You seem very concerned that the phone thing has never happened before and it's happening now. What do you think that implies? I'm trying to understand your logic here, but I'm just not getting it. Are you using the phone porn thing to prove a point about how he doesn't respect your feelings? You should probably pick a different issue, then, because your argument doesn't make a lot of sense in this case: "I don't have a problem with porn, I'm okay with him looking at it, just not on his phone, because...well, because I just don't like it, okay?!"

If someone came to me asking me to change something I do and the rationale they used didn't make any sense to me, I'd think they were just being ridiculous and would likely ignore it for the most part. Most people would, I think. You need to have good, solid reasons for asking someone to reconsider their own behavior. Prove your case, and all that.

[LdFilip]

hes is an idiot,no doubts...so you can try to do one thing...turn all your unconfidence,sadness,regret and everything you have into an anger(or courage) and tell him just one sentence and then go away,and dont say anything else until he will choose...

...say to him: "that does it,decide what you want...me or your damn porn!" (say it with very angry tone and then just go away) and after you will see,if hes worth of you or not...cos i personaly think,that you deserve something far better than he is,even if he will change himself,but thats only my opinion...but remember one thing, living in disrespect and pain is not a living...people are looking for love,to find someone who will respect them,love,worship and make them happy...and its not love if its something else

[LdFilip]

You keep saying the porn on the phone makes you uncomfortable, do you know why? Most phones are like computers now anyway so what part of the whole phone thing makes you uncomfortable?

Also it could seem this issue you are having is a sign of something deeper ie such as him not respecting your feelings in general so maybe examine those other times he hasn't considered your feelings and see if they make you have the same reaction as the porn thing.

As for whether he keeps his promise to keep porn off his phone or not well we can't tell you what decision to make if you do decide to snoop and find it there. Snooping isn't healthy in a relationship either. Definitely indicates distrust. Be careful too coz if you tell people what to do (or what NOT to do) it forces them to become more secretive, in fear of them hurting you. Keeping things as open and honest as possible is the key. If you feel your feelings aren't being respected, whether its the porn or other issues, then you need to decide if you deserve that or not.

Good luck.

no...dont do what most of men do...dont turn snooping into fault of gfs...the primary mistake is not the snooping itself,but the reason for snooping....

i dont know if you are male or female,but you surely wont be happy if your bf/gf will keep looking at pics of other men/women in phone and so...comparing them with you,thinking about everything you arent and when you try to do something about it,you are the bad one...why?...cos you are not like them?...ask yourself

what is uncomfortable about porn in phones?...ill tell you...normally you have porn in pc to look at it from time to time and so...but phone is more private,you have it always with you and you have to have porn in that too?(you are on a date with your girl and you need to go to the oilet for eg....thats a bit much,dont you think?cos it means that something is really wrong...and i cant tell if hes somehow addicted to porn,or is disrespecting her or hes just a total idiot...i would say a total idiot

[pisces25]

no...dont do what most of men do...dont turn snooping into fault of gfs...the primary mistake is not the snooping itself,but the reason for snooping....

i dont know if you are male or female,but you surely wont be happy if your bf/gf will keep looking at pics of other men/women in phone and so...comparing them with you,thinking about everything you arent and when you try to do something about it,you are the bad one...why?...cos you are not like them?...ask yourself

what is uncomfortable about porn in phones?...ill tell you...normally you have porn in pc to look at it from time to time and so...but phone is more private,you have it always with you and you have to have porn in that too?(you are on a date with your girl and you need to go to the oilet for eg....thats a bit much,dont you think?cos it means that something is really wrong...and i cant tell if hes somehow addicted to porn,or is disrespecting her or hes just a total idiot...i would say a total idiot

I'm female and I have been in a relationship where my ex preferred porn over me. So I kinda know a thing or two about these kind of issues as I dealt with it for 11 months. I decided I was worth more and walked away.

Also, the advice you gave in your previous post about getting angry and saying 'it's the porn or me' is the worst.advice.ever. There are issues, clearly, but getting angry and giving ultimatums is not the answer. That just leads to resentment and further issues. Perhaps if she decided to leave the r/ship he may realise what he is missing and change his ways but he won't change by having an ultimatum.

[LdFilip]

what do you purpose she should do?...i said that,cos it really seems as a lost case unless she will open his eyes with force...maybe the ultimatum will make him to think about it...or at least she will know,that porn is more for him and that will be the end of pain...she told that she doesnt like it and what has he done?nothing...

[missy1]

I don't agree with the way he comes back at you when your only trying to address your concerns, but I will say.. I'm a woman and I've saved porn to my phone before. It actually IS easier than going back through all the websites. Some men just like to look at it when they want to take a bathroom break at work to handle business. I noticed that my boyfriend was looking at both porn, and the real cam/adult/personal sites. I told him those seemed more real than porn, and I knew he'd never interact or exchange any words with a porn star rather than the cam/adult sites. He listened and strictly sticks to porn on his phone. (So I hope lol... hmm)

Just a bit of friendly advice. Men like porn, I'm not saying you SHOULD just accept it, but I'm saying I don't really think its that big of a deal. I think if you expressed the feelings of the cam sites, he might understand better. Or ask him to step in your shoes.

[LdFilip]

yea...watching porn is normal...

having pc full of porn is normal too...but having it in both?pc and phone?...thats a bit much...as i said,phone is a thing you have always with you and when he has to be with porn 25 hours per day,there is something wrong...dont you think?

[Togoru]

And that was my point. I don't mind if he has it elsewhere, but on his phone it's with him all the time. It seemed excessive! He never did that before. And before it was images and now he goes onto some site called "camscamscams" to look at girls strip or whatever. And this one dark haired girl in particular he seems to be into. I know he'd never love those girls and he loves me but the phone thing makes me uncomfortable because it never happened before and I don't know if this is becoming an issue or an obsession sort of. He says he loves to watch it but would never pick it over me. But he also said he stopped watching stuff likethat when we first started going out and then he said I guess he started again. Saving it on his phone had been a thing he's done apparently for a few months now. I don't understand why app the sudden if he stopped looking why he is again. We have a good sex life and I provide him sexy pics of myself and wear cute things and underwear and I haven't gained weight it anything.

[LdFilip]

and thats why i was talking about the ultimatum...maybe it really is not a good idea but say to him that you dont like it...normally say that and you will see if something will change...if not,i think its really time to start thinking about looking for some normal guy :/

cos this is not starting to be weird...it already is weird

[Togoru]

I told him last time that it made me really uncomfortable, te last time I saw him i said how it made me feel and he promised to keep his word about it but I don't know if he really will. And I have mixed feelings about it, porn is normal but the way he's been looking all the sudden made me uncomfortable. And in general it's not just the porn, just how he treats me sometimes and I've been starting to realize it's not been the best. And I told him this which he said he'd change.

[LdFilip]

well...if it would be only porn,it wont be so bad,even if its totally strange...but when he really treats you bad you should think whats best for you now...

[Togoru]

It's like just little things that happen... Like one time I was sick for days, wanted to see him that night since I was finally better and he was concerned about me being contagious, said he was helping his dad, and later that night went out with a friend instead. Then once he got so weird about how I kept winning in a game and said something about me winning and I said it wasn't a competition and he snapped and was all "OMG I WAS JUST KIDDING!" and he let my response of being mad at him for snapping get to him so much that whenthis happened a few months ago he thought we were "drifting apart" cause he couldn't see why I was mad for him yelling and he didn't think he was wrong. And then the porn thing, he knows how I feel about it now but before kept saying how it's normal and I should deal with it. But he knows how I feel about it now, and how I feel about what things have happened before regarding my feelings. He said he'd change so I can see if he does.

[LdFilip]

well...if you have so much of life-time to waste,why not...but i personaly think he wont change

[Togoru]

The thing is other times he can be sweet though, but after thinking about all that's happened etc. I don't know how to feel about it. I want to be optimistic but almost can't. I just feel weird about it all or not exactly the same about him in general, not just the porn thing. I don't know if I'll fall back to how I felt before, I still love him but feel odd at the same time. Does that make sense?