I think I love him... but the things he does really annoys me.

[kitt]

I am 20 years old, I have been dating this boy a few years older for about a year and a half now. until just about a couple months ago, I loved him so much and could not imagine being with anyone else, and then all of a sudden, I lost interest in him. The things he does has really started to annoy me, and I cannot keep them in anymore.
I wish he would take showers more, clean the kitchen, just be cleaner, smell nicer, stop talking politics all the time, not be so out of it all the time (including being high). I hate it when he is drunk or high, and the fact that he can't stop smoking ciggarettes has really been annoying to me recently.

I have even started having crushes on other men. It hurts because I kind of want to kiss someone else. Maybe that will make me want to be with my boyfriend more.

The other problem is sex... I'm just not that into it anymore. I recently started using a different method of birth control, I'm not sure if that has had any influence on it.

I realize that it is my problem that I get annoyed so easily, but I just don't know what to do about it.
Should I break up with him and look for another boyfriend, one that I can be happy with? Or is it my problem that I am not happy with him.. Should I break up with him because he might be happier?
I don't enjoy being so mean to him, but I'm not really sure if I want to break up with him.

Can I try to kiss someone else just to see how it feels? So confused, so sad, and upset because I just don't know what to do with myself...

[searock]

You are no longer in love with him. Break up as soon as you can - it will be painful, but believe me it will only get more painful the longer you wait.

[smackie9]

Dear you have reached the end of what is called the "Honeymoon" stage of your relationship. The Honeymoon stage is the infatuation period of a relationship which lasts anywhere from 6 months to a year and a half. What causes it is an abundance of chemicals such as dopamine being released in the brain....makes you feel good, in love. After awhile tho it slows down, and once off that love high it's like you just took off those rose colored glasses and see what is actually there....and not always pretty, which you have discovered. This happens naturally. Why it happens? It's because you didn't have a deep enough connection. How do you get this connection? It's called compatibility. You need a lot of compatibility to make a relationship last for the long haul. Having things in common, stimulates you intellectually and keeps you connected with each other long after the honeymoon stage has ended.

Also you are at a stage in your life ....you are an adult now. We tend to out grow things when we hit our early twenties...new freedoms, responsibilities, our priorities change....I say you are too young to be locked into a long term relationship. You should be enjoying your youth, travel, be independent, meet new people, enjoy new experiences....have fun. Marriage is not the end all be all ...it's no picnic that's for sure.

Anyways if you don't have a deep connection, the relationship will run out of steam, and expire...fall out of love. You can't regain what is lost. It's time to move on....it's not a bad thing, it's just life.

[kitt]

Dear you have reached the end of what is called the "Honeymoon" stage of your relationship. The Honeymoon stage is the infatuation period of a relationship which lasts anywhere from 6 months to a year and a half. What causes it is an abundance of chemicals such as dopamine being released in the brain....makes you feel good, in love. After awhile tho it slows down, and once off that love high it's like you just took off those rose colored glasses and see what is actually there....and not always pretty, which you have discovered. This happens naturally. Why it happens? It's because you didn't have a deep enough connection. How do you get this connection? It's called compatibility. You need a lot of compatibility to make a relationship last for the long haul. Having things in common, stimulates you intellectually and keeps you connected with each other long after the honeymoon stage has ended.

Also you are at a stage in your life ....you are an adult now. We tend to out grow things when we hit our early twenties...new freedoms, responsibilities, our priorities change....I say you are too young to be locked into a long term relationship. You should be enjoying your youth, travel, be independent, meet new people, enjoy new experiences....have fun. Marriage is not the end all be all ...it's no picnic that's for sure.

Anyways if you don't have a deep connection, the relationship will run out of steam, and expire...fall out of love. You can't regain what is lost. It's time to move on....it's not a bad thing, it's just life.

Thanks for the advise, painful, but helpful..

[smackie9]

Maybe you two are just spending too much time together. Having a life outside the relationship to go do your own thing without them, have some "me" time, some space can help keep things fresh. You two could also try doing new things together, like hiking, or take salsa dance lessons....whatever you two may take an interest in.

[kitt]

Maybe you two are just spending too much time together. Having a life outside the relationship to go do your own thing without them, have some "me" time, some space can help keep things fresh. You two could also try doing new things together, like hiking, or take salsa dance lessons....whatever you two may take an interest in.

I like that better. I got into a fight with him today, and in the end we decided that he would work harder to keep clean and I would work harder to not let the dirtiness bother me so much.. Unfortunately I live with him so it is difficult to not notice the dirty things and not see him all the time.
The more I see my friends, the more I feel like I enjoy having a friendship more than a relationship... Maybe it is that I take advantage of living with him so I don't make any extra time to go out with him on dates and things.
Thank you for your advice again, it is really helpful to get an opinion of someone who can look at things objectively.

[smackie9]

It's something to work on, BUT if you still find yourself trapped, resenting him, and you feel you are just spinning your wheels (meaning going nowhere with him)....it's time to part ways, and find happiness else where.