Difficulty Adjusting to a Change in Relationship Status

[Cerby]

I'm with backup, this is pathetic, both the way she is acting and the way you're handling it. You're acting like a 16 year old who was just dumped for the first time.

you had a great 6 months, and the relationship ended. Most relationships do at some point or another, and many end in a lie because one of the people doesn't have the balls to tell the truth, which inevitably is "I don't want to be with you anymore". All the letters and actions point to this, she has told you "I don't want to be with you anymore", in a 4 page letter, and through body language. The worst words you've heard are "...right now", those are universal cop-out words to let someone down easy, but cowardly in the way they leave hope where there is none.

My ex told me the same stupid crap, we dated for about 10 months and she broke it off saying "I still love you but I'm not ready for this relationship RIGHT NOW". She called and wanted to talk for weeks, then one day she was with someone else. There was another member here "DarkHelmet82" who went through the same heartache. He dated a girl for a couple of months, then she said she couldn't be with him right now, and he waited and waited, and she started seeing someone else. It destroyed him - don't let yourself become that person.

Time to move forward and stop wallowing in self-pity and telling yourself things you only want to hear. Game Over, if she comes back to you, then cool, and if not, then move on.

[Tanguerra]

I would give it time. There is obviously feeling on both sides and this is obviously a very difficult time for her. If she's really as great as you say she is, it's worth persevering. It's not so easy to find someone that you really care about, admire, and can talk to. Just walking away is always a last resort in my view.

Getting divorced is a horrible experience. Time alone is usually a really healing thing. In fact, it's extremely important. The worst thing anyone can do is jump straight out of one relationship into another one without taking a bit of a breather. Just give it time. I know it's hard, hurtful and horrible. Try to use this time to work on your own independence and build your own character. Just be there and be supportive and try not to be too demanding of her while she's going through all this. It's hard enough without all that. At the same time don't indulge her too much by participating too strongly in the 'drama' of it all. Just 'be there' for her.

[ChristianonLI]

I like Tanguerra's reply better than the most previous two. I am being there as best I can and not asking anything of her. I believe if she we're truly done anyway she wouldn't keep reaching out to me.

[bcgirl]

to get over her divorce and be happy again and ready to be in a relationship may take a very long times....years even. Are you willing to wait for her that long?

[ChristianonLI]

Yep.

I get the feeling it won't be years though. All the indications out of her is that she is already starting to come out of her funk and is thinking about the relationship we had and what I have come to mean for her. Just tonight she called me up and wanted to hang out to tell me all about the new apartment she would be moving into in January (thereby leaving the one she shared with her soon to be ex-husband). A couple of brief comments pertaining to "us" tells me she's started thinking about how much better of a guy I am than her ex.

So in spite of the negativity a few have spewed in the last few posts I am going to remain positive that she is who I have come to believe she is and that she just needs time to get over things. Everything I've come to know about her in the time we spent tells me she's worth waiting for. Forever though? No. A few months? Sure. After all, what's a few months?

[alwaystryin]

Even if she did change her mind and come to u tomorrow, at this point, and at this time u would only b a rebound. I say keep it movin.

[teacup711]

I know its been a few months but keen to know how things have panned out? Were you the rebound guy? Just a thought as no-one appears to have brought this up.
They say - and Ive been here myself- if someone's getting over someone, and a knight or damn fine looking lass appears they plunge headfirst. But around 6 months, things start to wane, add the divorce etc. and the result is not a healthy cocktail for you my friend.
If you believe in karma please learn from this, perhaps make it a rule not to date people who are going through a divorce (am guessing she told you this early in the piece?), its tough especially when you genuinely had feelings for her, and invested so much of yourself. Be brave.