Okay so this thread is mostly just me passively venting so I apologize if this annoys anyone. Some may remember a thread I posted a week or so ago about a woman who I am (was?) dating who is currently going through a lot of emotional stress related to a car accident and the finalization of her divorce. Due to her being depressed, stressed out from work and suddenly unsure of if I am the right one to be with we are hardly really seeing each other anymore and I am finding this a little difficult to deal with. Not incredibly difficult to the point it is interfering with my life but it certainly has me bummed out and floundering for things to do with all this free time I suddenly have.
You see, since we started seeing each other in June we spent every single day together. Her business closes at 6pm and by 6:30 she'd be at my door and by 7 we'd be somewhere to eat. By 8 or 9 we'd be back at my place watching television, playing chess, xbox and ending the night in very passionate, engaging sex. Five out of seven nights of the week she would end up sleeping over. To facilitate the ease of her staying over she had even begun to start leaving things here like contact lens solution, a toothbrush and other toiletries she would need for the morning.
It was a really good and healthy relationship right from the start. We had things to talk about, enjoyed doing things together even if it was doing almost nothing. And she was absolutely head over heels for me in every possible way. She would always tell me how I made her feel special and beautiful every single day and how she had never had a guy be so attentive and caring before. In the past few months I had done certain little things for her that really blew her away because they were things her ex-husband would never have even thought of doing like remembering her favorite music and surprising her with CDs of it (since he took all her CDs when he moved out), randomly giving her bouquets of her favorite flower (white daisies with yellow centers), even going so far as to remember a certain ice cream cake she fell in love with then having it there for her at a small surprise birthday party 3-4 months later. That and more and she loved all of it.
And then everything just STOPPED. No more good morning texts, no more stopping into my job on the way to work to have a cigarette with me, no more showing up at my door within an hour of work being done. When we do hang out (once or twice a week at most now) the conversation seems strained and she is constantly appearing preoccupied and on edge. She says she's depressed because she feels like her life has gone to sh*t. Mostly because of her divorce, she blames herself and is taking it all very hard even though she is the one who wanted it.
And yet she would still say she loves me. She would still hint at a long-term future for us yet she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore. I really don't get it. In the space of a month her whole demeanor has changed dramatically and I don't know if it's because of me or the stress and depression. And I certainly don't want to just give up and move on because I'll tell you all now I truly love this woman. This crazy, emotionally unstable, OCD woman. Since Day 1 I have felt a connection with her and I know she had felt one with me. And considering how emotionally detached and un-supportive her ex had been for so many years I can't just end up being like that to her as well. I'm willing to go the distance and wait until her life sorts itself out but I am sort of losing patience. Yea, she got hit by a car a month ago and that's scary but she walked away virtually unscathed. Yea, she just got divorced but it was from a man who stopped having sex with her years ago for no reason and treated her like a burdensome roommate and not a loving wife. Yea her business isn't making as much money as it used to but that's the economy in America right now and it's still doing well enough for her to live comfortably. And amidst it all she has me, a man who has shown he truly loves her and wants to take care of her. What I don't get is, why isn't that enough? Why can't she stop obsessing on the negative and focus on the positive?
I don't get it. If I walk away I'll be no better than her ex but it's been a few weeks now and I'm not sure if I have any other choice. She doesn't know what she wants. Her exact words last week were "I feel the best thing for me right now is to not have you in my life, but that's not what I want." She has blatantly said she cannot emotionally handle being a full time girlfriend right now but then this past Sunday she showed up wanting birthday sex. So which is it? Full time girlfriend or not? Have me in her life or not? I really don't know.