Should I be worried...or was it the drink talking?

[slantedhalo20]

I have a lot of male friends, mainly because I have had bad experiences with female friends in the past. I had a close friend called Jake throughout school, but we drifted a part through college, and now we are back in touch and instantly gone back to being really close. I have a boyfriend of 5 years, we are going through a rough patch, but nothing I cant handle. And Jake has a girlfriend.

Anyway, we went out about a month ago, for our friends birthday. Me and Jake have the same interests so we spent a lot of time on the way there talking, as we always do. Then we got to the pub, and kind of went our seperate ways talking to different people. My best female friend (who I have known for years) Catherine, was out with us too, and shes very very single so I was her wing woman for the night. Lets just say I was a very good wind woman, as she found someone (a guy I knew from College) and I left her to it, I bumped into Jake and we were talking again. And a random guy came over to me and started trying to chat me up, (Im 23, he was around 50ish ) and I told him I had a boyfriend. And the guy replied "Well I cant see no ring" and grabbed my hands. Jake then stepped in and got a bit protective (as some men do) and grabbed my hand and said "Sorry mate, shes taken". The guy then walked off but stood opposite us looking for a while. So Jake whispered in my ear saying "Im not letting go of your hand until that guy goes". I said ok, cus the guy kind of freaked me out a bit, the way he spoke and looked at me made me feel uncomfortable. The guy wasnt moving, he just kept staring at us, so Jake let go of my hand and put his arm around me whilst we were talking to our friends. Jake was getting really annoyed at this man and kept whispering in my ear saying he was going to say something to him in a minute (hes not normally like this - he was drunk). I told him to leave it, and that it didnt matter. Jakes hand started to move from around my shoulders to my waist. So I made my excuses and said I needed the toilet and left. I got back, and the guy was nowhere to be seen, so we headed onto the club.

I was reunited with Catherine, and we went and danced, and continued to drink lol Catherine smokes so I went to the smoking area with her, and a couple of our friends were there, including Jake. Catherine sat down, an I remained standing because there werent any seats. Jake signalled for me to come sit on his lap, which in hindsight perhaps I shouldnt have done, but I was very drunk, and it was all innocent at the time. The music in the club was awful, so me, jake, and a few others decided to go get food then head to the mini bus. We sat in the Pizza place (baring in mind it was early November) and I was freezing, so Jake put his arm around me, and his hands inside my sleeves of my cardigan to keep his arms warm. Once we had something to eat we headed to the taxi, I was wearing high heels (which I cant reall walk in) and my heel got stuck in a drain pipe so I had to go back and put it back on (lol) Jake waited whilst the others headed to the taxi. He held my hand to give me balance, and then just didnt let go, I did keep wandering off because it was only 1:30am and the taxi wasnt due to pick us up til 2:15am, so I didnt want to be waiting outside in the cold. I could have took my hand away, and I have no idea why I didnt, but I didnt and I cant change that now. We got in the taxi, and I walked in before Jake and sat near the window, he sat next to me. He was still holding my hand, we were talking about stuff we usually talked about, then he asked me a question, which I cant quite remember what he said. It was something like "You're not going to let me kiss you are you?" and I shook my head and said no. I fell asleep on him, and he put his arm round me. Catherine looked round when she got in the taxi and said he kept stroking my hair and kissing my head. I dont remember this, because I was fast asleep. I woke up when it was my stop and got out the taxi. I went to bed and fell straight asleep. I woke up in the morning to a text off him saying "I still think you should have let me stay at yours, would have been much more convenient". Then one after that saying "Or go to sleep, you massive butt face, night xx" I text back in the morning completely ignoring the sleep at yours comment, and focussing on the insults.

Now - Im worried, Im hoping it didnt mean anything, and we can be back to being friends, I dont want to jeaprodise our friendship, or our relationships with our partners. Help! Do you think he was just like it cus he was drunk?

[Petit Papillon]

This is why you shouldn't party without your bf. If you cant control yourself while drunk and with guys, you shouldn't do it. It was extremely innapropriate. If I saw my gf/bf doing things like that with other boy/girl I would make him suffer for a long time . And there wouldn't be any contact with that person ever again . Seriously? Grabbing, whispering, holding, smsing things like this. Very inapropriate while in relationship.

[slantedhalo20]

Ive told my boyfriend everything that happened - I am very honest in my relationship, and yes I feel bad, but I wouldnt say I was out of control. I am an affectionate person with my friends anyway, and my boyfriend knows that and he is ok with it, I would never kiss or sleep with anyone else. My boyfriend was ok with it. Most of the grabbing/whispering was because of the 50 year old guy chatting me up, who was being very forceful and scary I might add. So my boyfriend was actually thankful for that. I didnt tell him about the SMS. Because I really dont know how to take it myself yet, when I have discussed it with Jake, I will let my boyfriend know. I dont want to cause unnecessary trouble.


"This is why you shouldn't party without your bf. If you cant control yourself while drunk and with guys" - We clearly have a different view of controlling ourselves whilst drunk. In mine (and my boyfriends) eyes I haven't done any "cheating". Ok, the sitting on the lap thing was a bit much, but I explained the situation to my boyfriend, and he was ok with it.

[Petit Papillon]

I bet your bf will not be so understanding as soon you show him the sms. It changes the whole situation. And no, it's not different if the guy wrote it sober or drunk. It shows his true intentions.
Of course now when you ask him he will say it was nothing which is BS, but now he's sober so he can control his reactions.

About the 50ish guy, I would tell him to **** off or he'll end up with a bottle on his head, I wouldn't need other guy to pretend to be my bf, wtf? If guy creeps you out, you go to the club/bar security and you tell them that this man is creeping you out.

I also have bought a small pepper gas spray, for the winter time. It's so small that I could easily have it in any party bag i take with me. You don't need other guy to protect you, especially this way.

So I have the impression that you're looking for excuses.

[slantedhalo20]

Im not looking for excuses, because as far as Im concerned I have done nothing wrong, and my boyfriend feels the same. I will tell him about the text message tonight. I was stupid to not tell him about that.

I wish I had the confidence you had to deal with men like that, Im not that confident, I was attacked at a young age, which I dont want to go into. So I have a fear of those situations. I agree, I do need to become stronger when dealing with men chatting me up, there was no pub security though.