8 Years and Now she's gone

[FermentedGrapes]

8 years and now she's gone
Hey everyone,

I'm new here. This is largely because I was in a fantastic relationship for the past 8 years of my life. I met my girlfriend in high school, and we've been together ever since, including many difficult years in college. We've lived together for the past 3 years, including a temporary move to California (from New England). Our relationship has had its challenging times like any other, but generally speaking, I was never more in love with her than this past year. I've struggled to find a job and a career path, and I think that really ended up bothering her. But most recently, a random girl that I met in a bar texted me. I responded, and we conversed back and forth a few times. The messages were absolutely nothing sexual, and I don't really know why I responded. She came up to me at the bar and started talking to me. My girlfriend wasn't there, so I just went along with it. She got my phone number from looking at my phone, and she initiated the texting.

Anyways, my girlfriend took my phone and read my texts. Within 4 days, she disappeared. Upon returning, she asked me to not be there. So I went to friend's house. The next morning I received a call letting me know she had moved out of our condo and ended our lease effective immediately. I had to vacate by 8pm (the landlord would later text me this). My friend and I packed up my stuff, and I went to my parents' house. The following day, she drained all of our joint bank accounts (over $30,000) and left me without a penny, and with a mountain of cable debt (I signed a 2 yr contract). She bought an iphone and changed her phone number. I only know this because it pops up on facebook.

I didn't contact her for a full 8 days. I sent her a brief message this morning over facebook asking to meet in person to discuss our matters. I was left with nothing. I love this girl so much. I feel incredibly blindsided by this. She and I had incredible chemistry, our conversations were deep, our sex was fantastic (even after 8 years). We spent time with our couples' friends all of the time. Other than my employment situation, life was great. I would have proposed to her had I had the money to buy an engagement ring. I'm just devastated and unsure how to proceed. I need help. Thanks.

[sssspanos]

Pretty bad situation...

1. I don't like that she didn't talk at all
2. I don't like she drained the accounts
3. I like you had good sex after 8 years

I think you two should talk... If she keeps on being like this, I guess she was not the one for you.

[Lolah]

Keep on chasing her. If she really matters to you that much, then don't just give up that easily. At the end of the day, if she comes back, then lucky you. If not, well atleast you've tried.

I've once chased my 4-yr ex-boyfriend, unfortunately, we didn't end up being together again. 8mos of tryna win him back was very hard, but there are things that are beyond my control. So, now, he pushed me away again and I can't do anything. The fact that he pushed me away twice for the same reason is enough for me to let go and move on.

[Saya]

I think that she was really upset and hurt by seeing that msg and decided to leave.

She also left because she probably was fed up with you for not getting a job.
Also, she probably got hurt because you were talking to some random girl at the bar and gave her your number.
(Personally, I think that if your in a committed relationship, I wouldn't give away my number to some random person I met at bar etc...your giving a wrong impression... )
One of my friend went to this restaurant to eat probably few times in a week for couple of month... he got friendly with this waitress and he decided to ask her number... she gave to him and he asked her out (Not really a date, but to hang out, have coffee) and she didn't reply back for like few days...he was upset, but then he later found out that she was married. I think that she shouldn't of gave my friend her number because it gave him wrong impression.

Since you were unemployed, she was the one who was paying for everything ?? Was the money for joint account, most of her money?

If you really love her then, I'm sure you know where she is right now...so why not go and visit her with something nice (Flower or something) and ask for her to talk to you and explain what happens.

[Cerby]

Just get your money back, forget the girl. Something is fishy here, you're either not telling us the entire story or she was looking for a reason to leave.

Take her to court for your half of the cash back, because theft is theft.

[E.T.]

Couple things have foul smell
1. You said you would have proposed to her had you had the money. What's with the 30 grand? Sounds like you had no share in it.
2. If she just walked out on you over those text messages (-unless they contained questionable material-) without leaving you a chance to offer an explanation
I think it means she had one foot out the door for some time and just waited for THE moment to make a move. (Making it look like it's your fault)
Anyone else has the feeling she had her cake and ate it too?

[whenweawake]

taking all your money, leaving you with no place to live and giving no explaination is a hurtful thing to do. Not someone who is in love and wants to work it out. on the other hand when us girls are put into a situation like that we do over react in crazy ways. try talking to her, give her time to relize what she is doing to you. If it comes to the point that the relationship is unfixable you should get some of your money back or have her help with the debt, even if it means court

[FermentedGrapes]

Thanks for the responses, guys. I tried to paint as honest a portrait of an 8 year relationship as I could. To answer your questions-

1) About $8-9,000 of the money was mine, so the majority of the money was hers, but not nearly all of it.

2) I promise that nothing I saw or knew about was going to lead to this. During my time being unemployed, I cleaned the house, made her dinner, and made sure her evenings were as relaxing as possible (wine, candles, music, etc.) We had an excellent relationship. Intellectual conversation, personal conversation,..heck, we even watched and laughed at Jersey Shore. We could make fun of each other. It was extremely laxed and comfortable.

3) I will say that her family never really liked me very much. She happened to visit them twice during our final week together. Over that time, she grew ever more angry. Things got worse, despite us having no conversations. Everything happened so quickly.

4) As an update, I have not heard from her. I emailed her to no response. I don't know her number, and I'm afraid to go to her house. I'm not even sure she's there. I'm not sure where she lives.

5) I've consulted all of my friends and their girlfriends who knew her best. Everyone is as shocked as me, and no one has heard from her. Even though she was pissed, she would/should/even could have ever done this. She was an immensely sweet girl. Something happened.

I just need advice on what I should do next. I'm at a complete loss. I'm about to default on my loans on the 6th of December.

[Journey2Virtue]

Maybe you're blinded by your emotions. But txts that weren't sexual, intimate, or suggestive would make a girl suspicious at most. It doesn't make her pack up and leave. If this is the whole truth of the situation then it looks like she was waiting to do that & took the first oppurtunity that presented itself. You should definitely take her to court. & try to be objective. If you love her, someone who really loved you back would try to work it out with you first

[E.T.]

I can only comment on the emotional side of your story. I would leave it alone bro.
For now anyways. Looks like she wants nothing to do with you.
You're right,something happened. But it wasn't the texting.
And don't feel bad about not seeing the signs. None of us ever do.

[babyberto]

Why would she react that way and that fast?
Doesn't she have issues on her own?

Too bad you've been caught texting a friend who is a girl.

[steviej]

Wow, what a situation!

You're left with no option really but to get in touch with her about the money. You might have to go to her parents house, explain the situation and see if they will at least pass a message on. Otherwise you'll need to judge judy style take her to court!

[dem862]

It seems the texting was the straw that broke the camel's back. Girls don't just break up overnight. She has been thinking about this for a long time. It is probably over for good. Good luck to you.