Looking for some insight..

[poe]

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years--we have gone through high school and college together, and throughout our entire relationship, we have lived with our parents. However, during the last 3 years, my boyfriend has essentially "moved in" to my house with the rest of my family. This has worked out perfectly fine until recently. There are just way too many people in this house which leads to major family drama. We are both wearing thin, and want to get out of here as soon as possible, but I have some reservations.

We have a great relationship, and have both graduated from college and both have jobs. However, my boyfriend has an in-between job, because he wants to be a police officer. To be able to get onto the force sooner, he has to move into the actual city that he took the exam for within the next two months. Even though I don't like the area, I will live there if it means he is one step closer to his career. I am okay with all of this, but I have been having some major internal issues lately. He knows that I would love to get out of my house, move in with him, start our life together and be a "big girl," but I am hesitant to move into him before we are at least engaged. I just wish we could do this a little more traditionally....get engaged, set a wedding date, move in together, etc. I know that he wants to marry me, and that is his planning on proposing to me as soon as he can, but I know that he will not do this before we move out. I feel pressured, because time is running out--if we're going to do this it has to be as soon as possible. He's the type of guy that wants to buy me the best diamond and refuses to just ask me to marry him without one, or even with a teeny one. Of course I would love a big diamond (what girl wouldn't?!) but being with him is way more important to me, and I have told him I don't want anything big or extravagant--but he basically ignores me when I bring this up.

He has said to me that we can't afford to get engaged or married, but then how can we afford to move out and have even more responsibilities together than we do now? I think he just wants to give me the best of everything, and he doesn't think that he can do that right now. He doesn't understand that all I want is him! I don't need a big wedding or ring or anything like that. Basically, I am torn between sucking it up and moving in with him so that he can start his career quicker (he'll make more money, we'll be able to get married, buy a house, etc), or not agreeing to move out until we are at least engaged. I have never been the type of girlfriend to make an ultimatum, and I really don't want to be now. I just want some sort of commitment. He cannot afford to move out on his own: rentals in the area he needs to move to are ridiculously expensive, and we live in the northeast, so the heat bills will be through the roof. He just can't afford it. I am willing to make this sacrifice for him, but I can't make my own reservations go away, and it's driving me insane! Should I ignore my own concerns because I know that us moving out now would be better for the both of us since he will get his job a year or two sooner than he would if we stayed at home?

[poe]

.......bump......

[bulrush]

Why is his word (instead of a ring) not good enough for a committment? You have been going out for 3+ years, don't you think he is committed enough to save money for the ring he wants to get you?

I think you just want a ring so all your friends will "ooo" and "aaah" over it. That's why you are conflicted. If you don't believe he is committed to you after 3 years, neither I nor he can help you "get it".

[poe]

First of all, did you not read my post? I said I don't want a ring. So, before you go and call me stupid, I think you should read posts a little more carefully. Even so, your "brutal honesty" is nasty. I truly feel sorry for someone who has such nastiness in them. Thanks for your "help," but no thanks.

[bluesummer]

Poe, relax. People are going to say things to you on here that aren't always 'nice'.

Look......being engaged doesn't mean committed. You said you know he wants to marry you, you've been together three years, why can't you move out together? Is it a moral thing for you? Do you think it will upset your parents? It's going to do your relationship more harm than good insisting that you stay living with your parents until you get engaged.

Moving in together, the way I see it, is a very important first step to marriage. You get to see what it's like to live as a couple....ALONE...how you handle your responsibilities together and how you build your lives together. I really believe that this guy probably does want to get engaged to you, but I think maybe you should bend just a little. I als think you need to be out from under your parent's roof, you're right in that it will only cause family drama in the long run and may ultimately spell the end of your relationship.

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, if you know he wants to marry you, if you know he is commited and you don't necessarily want a ring what exactly do you think you need? Would a promise ring suffice?

I do understand that there is a difference between being a gf and being a fiance. I don't think pushing him into asking you to marry him will help.