My girlfriend has turned from wildcat to frigid and it`s destroying our relationship

[missy1]

Maybe she needs a little space. I know personally when I realize my man isn't paying me as much attention, I start to feel a little more needy. Maybe she feels that sex is all that is important to you right now, and is just a little annoyed by it. Maybe you hsould try to distance yourself a little but not in the sense that she will feel that you are not into her anymore. I mean things like, don't mention sex for a few weeks. Ask a couple of your friends to go out a little more often to grab a beer or coffee. I'm really not saying neglect her, but give yourself a healthy distance. Its worth a try, she might notice.. Hey whats up with him.. and do a little something to show that you that she appreciates you. If you show her that there ARE more important things in your life then just sex, she might loosen up a little.

Also, what specific things did she do when you first got together that made you think she was a firecracker? If you had it your way, what exactly could she do to get back to that stage with you?

[4dvz]

smackie9 I honestly don`t know.. I love her but I`m extremely fed up and I feel like being more and more fed up every day.

missy1 that might be a good idea, to stop giving her attention at all and then see how she reacts... Tried it a few times tough but I was eventually always too weak to carry it on. Now that I think about it again, that might be the best thing for me to do but I need to be stronger than earlier. To start doing more stuff with my friends etc, wait a few weeks just as you said.
What did she initially do to make me think she`s a firecracker (in bed I presume)? Well she wanted sex a lot, she had a nasty mind, did a lot of initiatives you know, I really enjoyed her.

Anyways so far that might be the best thing to do I quess, to let her have more space for a while and just stop trying anything completely..

[searock]

Yes I agree, you should stop pushing for sex. But stay close to her (if you love her) and support her through this difficult time. She sounds quite depressed and you should be there for her, if you care about her. Prove to her that you will stay close to her no matter what (if it's the truth).

[missy1]

smackie9 I honestly don`t know.. I love her but I`m extremely fed up and I feel like being more and more fed up every day.

missy1 that might be a good idea, to stop giving her attention at all and then see how she reacts... Tried it a few times tough but I was eventually always too weak to carry it on. Now that I think about it again, that might be the best thing for me to do but I need to be stronger than earlier. To start doing more stuff with my friends etc, wait a few weeks just as you said.
What did she initially do to make me think she`s a firecracker (in bed I presume)? Well she wanted sex a lot, she had a nasty mind, did a lot of initiatives you know, I really enjoyed her.

Anyways so far that might be the best thing to do I quess, to let her have more space for a while and just stop trying anything completely..

Well like I said, don't ignore her. There is a fine line between a healthy distance and her thinking your not into her anymore. I have gone through the same thing with one of my ex's (we ended it because he wouldn't man up, not because of the sex issue.. we eventually fixed that) We went through a stage where he just wouldnt want to have sex, always some excuse and in turn, I got extremely needy, as I think you are feeling now. I was like that creepy stalker girl who likes you always following you home, except I was on his ass 24/7 about sex and why he didn't want it. And I could tell that annoyed him.

I honestly suggest you do this and stick with it. Trust me, there are times my man hasn't come onto me as much, and as much as I want to play a little game of hard to get, I can never stick it through. Its important that you do, or your not gonna see the results you want.

Keep in mind though, in reading other's posts, men have tried this to no avail

I suggest you start by taking the stress off of her for a day. I'm not sure your every day situation, but if she has chores that she normally tends to around the house after work, do them for her. Let her come home to a clean living room and kitchen, and have dinner cooked. Try to spark up a conversation with her about something that will make the 2 of you laugh. I mean really have a NICE time with her. Clean up after dinner, get your shower, give her a kiss goodnight and go to bed, tell her you'll see her in the morning, and you love her.

The next day, ask if she minds if you go out with your friends for a few after work. I find if you live together its better than just saying. IM GOING OUT. If she doesn't mind, go out have some fun with friends, come home, ask her how her day was, and give her a kiss, I love you, and go to bed.

Things like this. Its not a game of showing her up. Please don't see it as "Whatever bitch, you don't want me? I dont want you either then!" Its not like that. Just keep a healthy distance, SHOW HER there ARE more important things to you than sex, show her that you will listen to whatever she needs, etc and just give her some space. In the mean time, save redtube to your favorites, and buy a big bottle of lotion. Just try your BEST not to mention sex at all. Give it 2 weeks, and let me know what happens?

And if you find yourself not able to hold back mentioning it as I have been there before, recognize what your doing. Tell yourself as soon as you even think about saying something: I know you want to, but seriously, lets see where this goes. Go read a book, jump on facebook, watch the tv episode you've been meaning to watch, just keep occupied

[smackie9]

smackie9 I honestly don`t know.. I love her but I`m extremely fed up and I feel like being more and more fed up every day.

..

Well maybe it's time for you to tell her this. Maybe it is time to tell her that it's over if there isn't going to be any changes.

[steviej]

Good advice missy, i hope we get an update from 4dvz!

[LdFilip]

Yes I agree, you should stop pushing for sex. But stay close to her (if you love her) and support her through this difficult time. She sounds quite depressed and you should be there for her, if you care about her. Prove to her that you will stay close to her no matter what (if it's the truth).

this is a good advice...

[alwaystryin]

It could be that she's falling/ fallen out of love with you. Often times not wanting sex is one of the first issues that arise when this happens. It could be that she feels guilty because you treat her well and doesn't know how to tell you of her change in feelings without crushing you. Or her not being ready or knowing how to deal with you being crushed. Maybe you should take the initiative and tell her you want to take a break because you feel she has some things she obviously needs to work out for herself.

[smackie9]

I suggested that twice....that doesn't seem to be the option he wants to use.

[alwaystryin]

Lol can't say I blame him. If approaching relationships logically was easy, none of us would be here. Well, carry on then.. though not for too long. We'll be here to say we told ya so Good luck.

[bcgirl]

Why not show her this very post that you just wrote. It's a cry out for help and it shows her how you exactly feel because she won't talk to you and will not last one minute listening to your concerns about the sex life. She will read it and see how you exactly feel about this situation. She may either get pissed off at you about the way you feel or she may finally sit down with you and discuss with you how she feels. You two must communicate about this situation. It's very normal for a couple to have sex die down a bit after years together....but you two have to fix what is going on now before it becomes a sex-less marriage or a break-up that you could have fixed. This is one of the main reasons married men cheat on their wives.....they don't get enough intimacy at home, get scared talking about it to their wives due to her reaction....so they have to find sex elsewhere.... very sad.

[4dvz]

Just tought to give this thread of mine an update; I broke up with her quite soon after my last post before this one because I just couldn`t take it.. Tried to talk to her, tried to just give her space, tried to be romantic without even wanting sex. In the end I just exploded and let it all out from me.. Still have to live with her for the time being tough, until one of us find a new flat. I feel really bad that I have to do this, since apparently she would still like us to continue together.

After we had broken up and talked about it, she told me that she values different things than me but it didn`t bother her so much. She said that she values working hard, keeping things together, saving money to have vacations, stuff like that while I want to live in a romance. She doesn`t need romance in her every day life, that`s what she said, and that`s why we have holidays etc. It made me feel bad about her not telling this to me earlier because I have been going through serious symptoms for a long time because of this.. She definitely wasn`t my type to begin with.

[vashti]

You want to "live in a romance"? Yeah, it sounds like you may need to do a bit more growing up before you are a good candidate for a serious relationship.

[4dvz]

vashti: That`s what she said, not me. I just wanted to feel the sparkle and have an active sex life. And btw that`s really untoughtful thing from you to say that I`m not a "good candidate" for relationship, made me shake my head really. I don`t know what made you say I need to grow, are you one of those people who think that relationships are made of grey everyday life where you are just friends with your partner? I believe there are relationships where the sparkle stays alive forever, if there are not then I quess I`m unique.

[smackie9]

Relationships will come and go in your life...this one ended and probably the next, and so on.......it does make us grow because we learn something from each experience....and ya there will be moments in a relationship when things are not so good......it's just part of life. And that spark does wear off, but what should be left is a deeper love for one another.