Saying Goodbye....

[johnfisher]

Today I said goodbye to that special lady in my life because no matter how hard we would try certain things would not fall into place.

I am not here for advice as such because we've ultimately made the decision however difficult it is and we've got to live with it. However I just want to let out steam to someone, since I don't speak about these things to anyone else.

For the first time in my life, I wept (normally not an emotional guy) and wept for almost an hour and I'm still in a state of complete emptiness. It was extremely painful as we both acknowledged our love but also that circumstances are so difficult for both of us that we cannot be together.

The goodbye is so painful that I'm thinking I wish I never met her to end up in this state of complete sadness. I know everyone deals with heartbreak/loss differently, but since this is the first time for me, I don't know what or how I'll cope. Soon enough we'll both be exceptionally busy in our lives. Soon enough the chaotic routines of everyday life will start to take over this constant thinking about each other, but until then I feel so empty. It's almost like death is easier than this, but God forbid that should happen.

My GF was the most wonderful girl, she was able to find even my most lamest jokes funny, she was interested even after all that time together, the little nonsense that occurs in my daily life and most importantly, she showed a love and care for me that can only be matched by my mother.

I've said goodbye to her and she to me, we've both got our closure (is that what you call it in this scenario?) and it's extremely painful, but I guess life can be so cruel sometimes that you've no choice but to take the hit and move on.

Sorry if this is all mumbo jumbo, I just needed to release my thoughts to someone or anyone.

[devonbrown]

Breaking up does hurt. You just have to accept it and understand that it dissipates with time, no matter how it may feel right now. Actually, I suggest embracing the pain and hurt and emptiness you feel right now. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to wallow. Be miserable for a little while. You will bounce back from it. And it will give you a better understanding to the depths of your emotions.

It sounds like you broke up because of logical reasons. That will help you in the long term get over things. But emotions don't follow logic. Your heart is hurting even though your mind knows it was right. That is why I suggest allowing your heeart to have its moment here. Your mind is going to guide you forward, but you don't want to become a machine. You need that balance in life.

It is important to remember good times. And you can ease yourself a little by realizing that the person you are now and the person you will be going forward has been shaped by this relationship. Allow that to provide some comfort to you, because in a way, you will be who you are because of her and she because of you.

Good luck.

[jen91]

I know that pain you're feeling...the emptiness inside, I'm going through it now for the first time too. I've had break ups in the past but I never felt like this before. I guess I can't give you any advice since I've been struggling for 3 months now but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. It helps to know that others go through the same thing and they do survive. It is much like mourning the death of someone. That person is on your mind 24/7 no matter what you try to do and there is an emptiness inside that nobody else can fill. I can't sleep and have to force myself to even eat...I've lost 20 lbs so far. Everyone will tell you it gets easier...I pray to God that it happens soon. Best of luck to you and if you find a short cut through it....please let me in on it! Just know you're not alone.

[johnfisher]

Breaking up does hurt. You just have to accept it and understand that it dissipates with time, no matter how it may feel right now. Actually, I suggest embracing the pain and hurt and emptiness you feel right now. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to wallow. Be miserable for a little while. You will bounce back from it. And it will give you a better understanding to the depths of your emotions.

It sounds like you broke up because of logical reasons. That will help you in the long term get over things. But emotions don't follow logic. Your heart is hurting even though your mind knows it was right. That is why I suggest allowing your heeart to have its moment here. Your mind is going to guide you forward, but you don't want to become a machine. You need that balance in life.

It is important to remember good times. And you can ease yourself a little by realizing that the person you are now and the person you will be going forward has been shaped by this relationship. Allow that to provide some comfort to you, because in a way, you will be who you are because of her and she because of you.

Good luck.

Thank you devon for the nice response.

I've bolded 2 parts which I never thought about before but I realise that is one way of looking at it. I will do as you've suggested follow my heart for once and embrace this sorrow.

I'm sure in a few weeks I'll start to be able to move forward. Yes it was ended due to logical reasons, neither of us hates or dislikes each other, we still love each other. However logic said it must end and finally we plucked up the courage to do that. I must now deal with the pain that comes with it.

[johnfisher]

I know that pain you're feeling...the emptiness inside, I'm going through it now for the first time too.

Just know you're not alone.

Jen91 I guess we're both on the same boat aren't we? I agree with everything you've said and I couldn't not have said it any better myself. I just hope both of us, find peace sooner rather than later. But as DevonBrown hinted, because my relationship ended due to logical and not emotional reasons, I may find myself in a better state soon than most would. Thank you for the comfort and again I'll remember you in my prayers, that God helps you find peace very soon.

[oldskool83]

in time you will smile and it wont bother you. in the mean time focusing your thoughts to somthing else can help take your mind off it slowly each day. Sometimes people join gyms or start new hobbies to cure the mind from wondering so much. It seems you have come to grips with accepting there is nothing you can do anymore, and thats the best 1st major step i feel. You said a goodbye and its a brave move not everyone can face. +1 for you my friend.