Distraught after breakup. Need help

[carol82]

Hi. I find some posts very difficult to read, so will try to break it up and be concise. I really appreciate any and all opinions.

Met partner 4 years ago

Long distance for 3 years

Living together for 1 year (I moved with my 2 kids...he has kids also but could not move)

Has been a very tough year. He has broken up with me multiple times, but gotten back together within 1-7 days.

Two months ago I realised I have abandonement, trust and other issues related to abusive upbringing and have been seeing counsellor every week

He tried to be supportive, but in truth, he is just so fed up.

1 week ago he broke up with, told me it is over, not to call him, or come up and see him (I moved to granny flat downstairs on that day). He feels cold about us. Three days before this we made love and he held me and told me how much he loves me. I am currently looking for rental, but living in granny flat under his house--fully self-contained so we don't see each other.

I was going to move back home. But I have realised I love this man (whom I am totally opposite to in many ways.) I can't let go. For personal reasons related to my kids, I either have to move home in 2 months, or have to stay here for 2 years (it doesn't matter why, that is how it is- related to schooling) Home is 3000km away.

I even feel that if he didn't take me back, I would be happy just living in the same city as him, so I felt close.

Am I crazy? I feel he is my soulmate, and if I hold him just close enough, one day he will feel warmth again. He still loves me. It is not all my fault though, he is so stubborn, judgemental, drives me f**** nuts. Unfortunately I am completely in love with him.

Even if he wanted me back tomorrow, I will still find rental, as I think this is where we went wrong in first place.

Ok

Haven't seen him at all in 1 week. When do I initiate contact? Do I tell him how I feel, that I am staying here in the hope I can be with him? Do I even tell him I'm staying here, or just let him find out on his own accord. I just want to start fresh, I know it will be slow, I know it won't be easy. Is there a time when its ok to contact him and ask to have lunch, should I do it by email, so he doesn't feel pressured. What if he ignores email, then do I send flowers. I'm not going to give up, but I don't want to do the wrong thing either.
I just watched crazy in love...I'm Robbie.

I'm going away for work for three weeks in two weeks time. Should I find rental immediately, or wait till I get back

[workingman78]

If he is fed up , he is fed up. Send him a email if you must, but I would say if you have respect for him at all, then respect his wishes otherwise he is going to end up resentful.

[carol82]

Actually, he said if I was to contact him it should be by email.

So I should never contact him again? He can never get over this and it is over? I have heard of lots of people getting through a breakup.

I don't need to contact him. I want to give him space. I also want to let him know that I would like to catch up if he is willing, but don't want to do this during the period of time he needs space. And I don't know how long this is. 1 week? 1 month? 1 year? I'm sure there is a too short a time and a too long a time.

Resentful is not good, but we're there already.