going about getting closure

[valmont]

read a thread below about this but didn't want to hi-jack.

i was seeing a girl...first time i opened up in a long time...and she broke my heart...it was only a month and a half sort of thing but the way it ended just blew my mind...couldn't understand it.

she said she was getting nervous we were moving so fast...last thing she wants is a relationship. (complete opposite of how she was acting)...we tried talking...i was hurt so i was a little distant...she invited me out twice and plans fell through last minute...so i ignored her for a while and then deleted her off fb...we discussed just being friends with benefits...i told her i wasn't comfortable doing that if we were going to be sleeping with other people. anyways after a while of not speaking...i added her back to fb...we talked on chat for a while...she asked me how my weekend was..i discribed how shitty it was to her.

she asks me "did you get any atleast" i said no but i did bring condoms (because i never had them with her)...i asked "so did you get any?" and she signs off...

2 days later i like one of her statuses and she deletes me...i asked her why and she said "because you're weird"

i sent her a text back and she never responded...

i was in a really great place a few months ago before this girl...i keep trying to snap out of it..it bothers me more than anything that there is so much i do not know and that i feel like i can't even find out now...

there's other things in my life i wish i could focus this much thought on...i think a part of me would like some closure on the matter...or to talk to her and for her to tell me the truth.

i'm telling you guys this...she went from an angel to a devil in a heartbeat...i did play my part in acting like a boy instead of a man though...

if someone has dealt with something similar please tell me what you did...

[Wakeup]

You don't need to get closure from her, Val. Closure comes from within through your own logical conclusion(s).

People come and go in our lives and if we "needed" closure from all of them we'd cease to function happily and wholly. Just accept that she came into your life to fill a need and now she's gone. Perhaps it was just to make you grow and choose more wisely in the future?

Once you accept that you were'nt meant to be in each other's lives for a life-time then the closure you need will just arrive without fanfare and off you'll go to live the rest of your life without her in it and you'll not much care.

You're fighting your logical brain and hanging onto your emotional response to her leaving, that's why you've not accepted just yet and gotten your own closure.

[valmont]

not sure why you quoted needed...never said that. the purpose for this girl coming into my life? i honestly don't know...my mind/heart still haven't worked that out.

well...actually. this girl "cared" about me...she worried about me...checked in with me...took care of me when i was sick.
haven't had that in a while...maybe i just want someone to care about me.

my brain says...you definitely ****ed up by caring too much which pushed her away...and my heart says...i really care about this girl and she hurt me so **** her.

my brain blames me, my heart blames her...

[Wakeup]

Your title: "Going about getting closure." I put need in quotes because you didn't say you "needed" it but you implied that you did. The rest of my post went on to show you reasons why you get closure from within and not from someone else.

One thing you can be thankful for, she taught you that you should take your time getting to know someone and what their dating goals are, make sure you're both on the same page as far as the dynamic of the relationship goes before you allow yourself to become emotionally vulnerable to them. She didn't want anything serious, even went as far as to suggest you be fk buddies. You, you wanted something more solid and committed. You were at opposite ends of the dating spectrum.

Good luck, learn the lesson and let it go. There is someone out there that wants what you want and now you're that much more dating savvy so the odds are you're more likely to find the right one next go round.

[LdFilip]

"did you get any" was the question and you answered that you brought condoms?...why do i have a feeling that she was still feeliing for you and you killed it with your answer?maybe she still thought that you were together somehow and you just admited that you were looking for some other fun?...it really seems like that,cos she asked it once again and then dissapeared...some sort of farewell

[jen91]

It would be nice to get "closure" from someone after ending a relationship but I'm finding out (now actually) that there really is no such thing. Will you ever get the response that you need to feel comfortable with someone ending a relationship that you didn't want to end? I don't think so. No matter what the other person says, it won't make me feel any better if I feel that I put all of my trust in him and loved him with all of my heart. There is absolutely nothing that he could say that would make me feel satisfied with why it ended....soooo I think there's a time when you finally realize this and put it behind you. To me...that is closure.

[Wakeup]

"did you get any" was the question and you answered that you brought condoms?...why do i have a feeling that she was still feeliing for you and you killed it with your answer?maybe she still thought that you were together somehow and you just admited that you were looking for some other fun?...it really seems like that,cos she asked it once again and then dissapeared...some sort of farewell

Op: That conclusion is silly and so Don't even consider blaming yourself for her bullshit. She didn't want to be in a committed relationship with you and you were'nt happy not being exclusive and in a FWB situ with her so you did the right thing to not agree with doing that. You guys were not on the same page and that is why the relationship ended. You didn't do anything wrong. You only did right by not settling for something you didn't want just so you could be with her.

[oldskool83]

Clouser is pointless, from what i have read i dont even know if id consider it a relationship, seemed like more talk then anything. closure comes from yourself i find out when you can say sorry to yourself and accept what it is and its done. ive had 2 people say sorry somthing was over in my life, 1 of them bought me dinner lol.

[valmont]

thanks fellas...i don't blame myself but i do see i messed up in areas with her...things ending and being left are two things that really get to me...like i'm sure they do for a lot of others.

it's getting better..barely thought about her all day...but now it's 430am...just got done talking with another girl...get home and she's on my mind.

everyday it get's a little better

to the previous poster...i'm 24 dude and i know this wasn't a relationship...that's what's so funny...can't believe it myself...i feel nuts that i fell so hard so fast...never happened before

[MerryH]

my brain says...you definitely ****ed up by caring too much which pushed her away...and my heart says...i really care about this girl and she hurt me so **** her.

Your heart is being kind of an asshole, then. She is completely allowed to decide at any time that it wasn't going to work out with you. It sucks for you, and you can be angry about it for a second, but then you've got to get over it and understand that sometimes these things just don't work out, regardless of how things seemed at one point. Maybe she liked you at first, but not now. It's okay.

Don't seek closure, don't seek for her to tell you the "truth." Just move on.

And btw, you did kind of **** up in your last interaction with her. I'll explain it if you want.

[valmont]

i messed up...nothing to say about that...i felt attacked/hurt by her behavior and retaliated...in the end it cost her being in my life.

but thank you for pointing that stuff out.

[richy]

Every one has their own view about closure but in my point of view Clouser is pointless, from what i have read i dont even know if id consider it a relationship, seemed like more talk then anything. closure comes from yourself i find out when you can say sorry to yourself and accept what it is and its done. ive had 2 people say sorry somthing was over in my life, 1 of them bought me dinner lol.