my gf likes to hang with other guys

[slickspoon]

me and my gf have been dating for 2 yrs. about 6 months ago we started hanging out with a gay guy and his straight roomate. my gf really grew attached to these guys for some reason and spending alot of time at there house. she would go over for coffee in the am and go over to their place a lot. the gay roomate works and the straight one doesnt.my gf is a nurse and works 3 12hr shifts a week. about 3 months ago on her days off she would hang out at their house until to gay one would leave for work. her and the straight guy would spend time alone over there or they would come to our place and hang out. they would go shopping together, to the beach, lunch and other activities many of which me and her use to do together. everyday shes off she hangs out with him constantly. its the the point that i dont even want to come home from work bc i know hes at the house. ive began to become a lil withdrawn in our relationship bc i cnt stand her hanging out with this guy all the time. she'll say shes going to the store and stop by to see them or pick up the guy and take him with her. we have oto make alone time bc i work full time and im going to school. our time together is usually rushed or she trys to invite this guy to come with us. i feel like the third wheel in my own relationship. they make descisions about the our house without me knowing and its become a burdan to my relationship. weve gotten in numerous fights about it and its almost broken us up. she claims im trying to change and control her and im not letting her be herself. she also says shes a tom boy(which she sorta is) and that she just preffers guy friends and theres nothing for me to worry about. ive told her i dnt mind them hanging out but asked her to limit her time with him and be respectful and considerate about my feeling in the situation. i dnt know what to do. ive even talked to the guy about it and he really doesnt do anyting. i need some advice on what to do. i am almost certain theres nothing sexual going on, although my imagination is led to wonder while im at work, but the amount of attention this guy gets over me makes me uncomfortable. im just looking for some input on the situation

[IncognitoSir]

Regardless of what she "says'. Look at what she's doing. She is quite literally replacing you with this other guy. Her actions show that she doesn't respect the relationship much. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're already losing her, so the question is will you continue to allow her to disrespect you within the relationship or will you put your foot down. She's kinda manipulating the situation with the "im a tomboy" bit, that doesn't matter. So what she has guy friends, that doesn't exempt her from respecting her boyfriend and spending time with you. You know that their is something she's NOT telling you though right? If she has dropped you for another guy she "hangs out" with and the guy himself won't back off after you've spoken with him.......open your eyes my friend.

[oldskool83]

An ex did this with me, month later the guy came to my house and asked her out while i was there. Somthing is wrong, a sudden change like that is never good. She is doing what she wants and not caring about how it might be affecting you. If you were doing this with 2 girls you can certainly be asured to be read the riot act. Watch if she gaurds her cell more, or is up texting him late at night, i can garentee she is. She could of even told the guy your just a roomate...dont put it past her, one ex did it with me.

I would voice your concern and tell her how its making you feel, like a 3rd wheel. If she values you she will stop or tone down on the haning out. If she chooses not to, i think your writing is on the wall. I just see a huge fight that is gonna start over this very quickly due to it sounding alot like a situation i was in.

Do they go places and does she even invite you? if that answer is a no...you need to tell her to leave now, im 90% sure she will pack her bags right then and there and not put up the im sorry card.

[Dune]

That sucks and I can imagine how you feel. Like what IncognitoSir said, don't bother what she's saying. Rather, take an honest look at what she is DOING. Do you want that? Would you like that kind of treatment in a partner? More so if it's long term? A partner has to respect the needs of each other and compromise from time to time.

Honestly, she just sounds like she wants to jump ship, or have two boyfriends at the same time under the guise of a friendship.

If you have a bf/gf, obviously the natural urge would be to spend as much time as you can with your partner because you WANT to. She likes spending time with him more than you.. WTH?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Time to end this one. Don't waste any more time her. She's playing you, whether she's cheating or not. She's using you for the security, that's all. Either start going after other girls and just use your g/f for sex, or just break up with her and tell her you'll only reconsider the relationship if she severs contact with him.

[Starkiller]

Yeah, the pretty much exactly happened to me. G/F was hanging all the time w/ a co-worker who had no idea she had a boyfriend. I was "jealous" and all that bs, we broke up, they ended up dating. Signs are on the wall her. You only move now should be to put your foot down and say him or me, but I'm afraid she's going to be that girl to just go with him because you're giving her that ultimatim ya know.

[devonbrown]

Ignoring the fact of the other guy (because, frankly, would you have ANY issue with this if this was one of her girlfriends), the fact that you and your girlfriend can not communicate effectively enough to resolve this tells me that things are heading downhill for you here. It doesn't even sound like you argue effectively. You can have differences of opinion, but if you are living together, you should be at a greater level of commitment and respect for each other. If she doesn't have that respect for you or you for her, then I don't know how this relationship can go on much longer.

Good luck.

[girl68]

A girl perspective:

Agree with all of the boys. I've done this too and I can tell you it was more than just chiling with a friend. Even if I wasn't having relations with him, I wanted to, thought about it and wayyy over enjoyed the attention. If she hasn't already she's falling for this other guy she may or may not have acted on it but it's done she wants him.

Tell her enough is enough.

[sadie_genie]

Maybe she isn't getting enough attention from you?

[bcgirl]

Spending this much time with someone is more than just friends when it comes to being opposite sex. Unless she looks like a troll, most likely he is hanging out with her this much because he has a crush on her. Wouldn't a single straight guy much rather hang out with his other single guy friends, grab beers, talk about girls, go party and then hook up with girls? Back in highschool i used to be naive. I've had 4 guy friends and I genuinely thought that they just wanted to be my "friend", I hung out with them as "friends".....but it turned out that they had their own agendas and wanted to be more than just friends. Good looking girls are not "just friends" material to guys....but rather their wet dream. Sorry buddy, you need to step in and give your girlfriend an ultimatum. I'll give you a scenario. Sandra Bullock wants to be your friend, she is funny, you guys have a lot in common and she's a tomboy (every guy's fantasy girl is a chick who is hot, not afraid to eat and drink beer, play video games and know how to throw a football without worrying about breaking a nail), it will be no time before you pop a boner in your trousers the first time you two hang out alone together. Miss Congeniality anyone?