Sounds to me like he is definitely not interested.

[JannaT]

So in light of my not-so-recent realization that I need to get out there and start dating again, I am in need of some advice from a guy's perspective!

Over the summer, I met a guy while out with friends. He's fantastic - smart, handsome, funny, and respectful. He got my number and we texted on and off for a while but I knew it just wasn't even close to time for me to start dating again so I put him off and eventually stopped talking to him altogether. Recently I contacted him just to wish him a happy birthday, and we started talking again. He called several times to ask me out, and we finally worked in a plan that was supposed to be a couple weeks ago. The day of the date came, and I hadn't heard from him for several days, so a few hours prior I sent him a text just to confirm that we were still on for the night. I heard nothing back, so when it got later I went out with friends instead. He didn't call me until about 11pm, apologizing profusely because he had left with his family a day early for his brother's wedding. Which is fine... that's an important occasion, but I felt a little disrespected that he didn't let me know. But anyhow... when he called to apologize he said "I swear I'm going to make this up to you when I get home, please let me do that. I'll call you when I get back to set something up, I promise you".

He's been home for about a week and he still hasn't called. To me, that means he's not interested (even though HE was the one who asked me out) and I'm not going to demean myself by contacting him... that seems so desperate to me. But my friends are giving me a pretty hard time about it, saying that I give up too easily and that if I want something I need to put myself out there and go for it. I just don't want somebody to go out with me because they feel sorry for me, I want it to be because they really want to. And I obviously am not even on his mind, or he's trying to avoid the situation altogether.

Am I giving up too easily or am I right to just leave it be?

[oldskool83]

i think its a blow off. 1st off never beleive a promiss, they always get broken. if he was into you he'd text or call back before a week. do what i do, just flat out say u interested or not. he will either shit ot get off the pot

[JannaT]

So do you think that it is worth it to say something to him though and giving him one more opportunity? I wouldn't know how to say it without sounding either desperate or bitchy. :/

[oldskool83]

i still think its a blow off, you sent thim a text saying are we still on. if you set the date up a few days before he should of remebered or reschedule right away. this is a huge deal in my book, no show, no call, blow me off, your peaced. at this point your allowed to be the bitch and i would call him out on it, he is either gonna have the balls to make it right or make it sound good to give you some home and slide away.

honestly i think he slide away, he knows he messed up.

[Cerby]

/agree with oldskool. It sounds like you're being blown off. Not showing the respect of canceling the date, not calling when he got home even though he said he would. You're right, don't demean yourself and just let it go. If he calls again tell him you're busy and you'll call back tomorrow, then don't call back at all.

[Wakeup]

not going to demean myself by contacting him... that seems so desperate to me. But my friends are giving me a pretty hard time about it, saying that I give up too easily and that if I want something I need to put myself out there and go for it.

Don't listen to your friends. In fact buy them all a copy of He's Just Not That Into You and highlight the part where it says "If He's Not Calling You, Then He's Just Not Into You"

I say: Don't chase him. (not even a little) because he's not showing you he wants to be chased (not even a little). File him under "A" for asshole and call it a day.

[all alone]

Well its always possible that he has been busy right, the grand scheme of things, 1 week isn't THAT long.. i'd say wait until the end of this week and he hasn't contacted you, then move on.. but if you just give up right here, then i'd probably agree with your friends. Almost sounds like you are trying to find an excuse to not put yourself out there.. i have a buddy who does the same thing. In the end, you are just depriving yourself of a chance at being happy right? I'm not saying that you should go out of your way to contract him and go out, just wait a another week for him to contact you. Nothing desperate on your end since you are simply wait and the ball is clearly in his court.

[Wakeup]

Well its always possible that he has been busy right

I guess you forgot the part where he promised to call her when he got back. He's been back a week. No one is that busy that they can't take five mins to say hi. If they actually are that busy then their schedule won't open up enough to nurture any sort of decent relationship so best to bin now rather than later when every crappy thing he does steals her joy and self-worth one crappy thing at a time.

[all alone]

I guess you forgot the part where he promised to call her when he got back. He's been back a week. No one is that busy that they can't take five mins to say hi. If they actually are that busy then their schedule won't open up enough to nurture any sort of decent relationship so best to bin now rather than later when every crappy thing he does steals her joy and self-worth one crappy thing at a time.

I'm not sure exactly what he said, just because he doesn't call the exact minute minute he is home doesn't meant he isn't interested.. you know some people do have full time jobs and other commitments. The point is we don't know since we arn't privy to the whole situation, so I am just playing devil's advocate. Just going from experience, people tend to freak out a little and only consider the potential negatives in an outcome. It could very well be that this guy doesn't contact her this week, but he just might as well. It doesn't sound like she is in any rush either, right..

[oldskool83]

people are only as busy for the people that they dont want to talk to. remeber that. and its always an easy out for the word ignore, because they are ignorant.

[Boisdevie]

People these days have a wonderful device called a mobile phone. He could have called or texted you to say he couldn't make the date. He did not do this = he's not interested. If he was serious about you he would have got in touch.

[JannaT]

Thanks for all the input you guys! I decided to make one last effort just for the hell of it and just texted him a simple "hey, what's up?"... and the guy sends me a picture of him laying in bed. No explanation or answer, just the picture. So needless to say, I kinda just left it at that lol.

[surfhb]

Thanks for all the input you guys! I decided to make one last effort just for the hell of it and just texted him a simple "hey, what's up?"... and the guy sends me a picture of him laying in bed. No explanation or answer, just the picture. So needless to say, I kinda just left it at that lol.

OMG! That hilarious !!! Lol!!!!

[bulrush]

He may be a nice guy, but he might also have really poor organizational skills. Almost everyone has a cell phone with a calendar and alarm on it these days, so there is no excuse for not calling/texting you.

So do you think that it is worth it to say something to him though and giving him one more opportunity? I wouldn't know how to say it without sounding either desperate or bitchy. :/

Just say "You said you would call back but I didn't hear from you for a week. You just don't sound interested."

[JustNotCricket]

Regardless of how attractive he is in your eyes, he clearly doesnt value you enough to make the effort. And you deserve someone who will make an effort for you.