Some stuck up feeling about probaly nothing...

[Alphyn]

Hey all! I've had some trouble with my gf but we worked it out in the end and we're back together. Today when I was cycling home I thought of when I asked her (I should have NEVER asked her that...) if she had sex with a guy she didn't love, and she did it once. I can't help but feel like I'm dating a slut... she did it one month before we met and I just have such a hard time dealing with this stupid feeling.

I mean, how does that happen? It was a friend even... no feelings involved at all. She doesn't see or speak him anymore though. I just feel really horrible about it, I know it's silly but I can't help it.

Could I have some views and advice on this? I honestly don't get why you would have sex with someone you don't even love...

[oldskool83]

because you wanted sum, love takes awhile, some people dont have sex until they feel they are in love to safe guard themselves. honestly it was a dumb question to ask. its not the 1940s anymore

[Dune]

On the contrary, it's a very real issue to some. It all depends on your views about sex.

The way you feel about it is quite natural I would say. If I were to imagine myself in your situation, I'd ask myself the same questions and probably feel a little like you.

But what's important is that she did not cheat on you and respects the bond of a relationship. If it makes you feel better, maybe you can find out why she did it to silence those ghosts. Tread lightly though..

[Alphyn]

That's not an excuse to me... I think sex is something special and it should stay special.

[Dune]

Sex may be special to you, but there are people who take sex lightly too. No point trying to change that. Some people treat it like something special, some people don't.

[Alphyn]

Thanks Dune. She didn't cheat on me no, but I just don't know what to do with these feelings. If I try to talk to her about it she goes insane...

[Alphyn]

Then maybe this is not the girl for me Dune, she's my first though and it's hard to let go.

[oldskool83]

was she the 1st girl you had sex with? Your going to have to deal and if thats a huge dealbreaker for you then you need to let her go and find someone who shared your values. its really cut and dry. i think your more so obsessive with a image of some guy being naked with your g/f before she met you, and its oddly just unhealthy for your brain to think like that.

[bcgirl]

i understand how you'd like to think of your girlfriend as a "good" girl and having sex with another guy without love may damage her character. But the fact is that most people in this society and generation will have loveless sex at least once in their lives. I'm sure you've fantasized about having meaningless sex with a hot girl before. Just turn on your tv and you will see endless amounts of shows of couples having loveless sex. This generation is more scared to be a 16 yr old virgin than having sex with someone you love for the first time. If you love your girlfriend, you should let this one slide. When your single again and out in the real world, you'll realize that there are more people than you think that's experienced no strings attached sex.

[Dune]

I guess if you really cannot deal with it then you just have to let her go. Best get someone who shares your values than live with someone who don't.

This is your decision to make, and I trust you know what's best for yourself. Good luck.

[Alphyn]

I think so too old skool, part of the way I think is like that yes. But I honestly think my 1940's mindset won't ever change, lol. And she's the first one I've had sex with yeah, and the first time was very good. I won't ever forget it.

I'll see how this turns out, Dune, thanks.

And bcgirl, you're right. But I'll try to keep myself from ever doing that tbh, I'll feel like a slut myself. :o

[Cerby]

I've never been with someone who HASN'T had an NSA encounter at least once, and I've had a few myself, it doesn't make me feel any less for the people I date. When I'm single, I like to party and find girls who like the same. Society has changed so much that sex isn't about love anymore, its about desire. But it does feel different (in a good way) to sleep with someone you love.

Plus, judging someone for their past is a huge problem as people can't change what they've done. Everyone you ever date will have a past, moreso the older you get.

[devonbrown]

OP, it is simple a matter of your opinions and worldview not jiving with hers. It sounds like it is a dealbreaker for you, so if you can't get past it, you just have to end the relationship and find someone who shares the same views that you do.

Good luck.