Leave my social group in order to mentally grow?

[MOCAMBO]

I'm going to try to word this as compressed as possible as it is a few years I'm going to try to sum up in a paragraph or so.
Few years ago my best friend got into a relationship with this girl who I liked a lot as well. About a year or so passed of me and him just having a silent feud, not speaking to each other and all that nonsense, all that while it was probably the most emo, emotionally horrific time of my life.

Years pass, we finally slowly start to get over our differences and start talking and hanging out with each other, but you know, we were never really ourselves, we always spoke as if we were walking on cracked glass ,we were never ourselves. I also still stayed friends with his gf(of 4.5 years as of now), we spoke a lot and even though she knew the feelings I had for her, she felt as if I had moved passed them, I hadn't, not one bit, I just got that better at wearing a mask.
So recently, they just had a rough patch in their relationship, and she came to me for advice, so for this time I decided to put my feelings and pain aside to help her through this tough time. But now it seems as if they are probably going to get back together, and even if they don't I can't do this anymore.

I'm thinking of speaking my mind to both of them. Telling my best friend that we can't keep going like this, we're never ourselves around each other and its not fair to the both of us. Also I want to tell his gf/ex-gf that I can't continue being there, its just too difficult to me. I've tried everything, writing journals, asking people for advice in the same position as me, but when she's there everyday, its basically impossible to get over.
The only option which I believe I have left is to stop seeing/speaking to them both, this basically means I have to stop seeing all my friends as well because we are all part of the same social group. I feel I've been carrying this weight too long, I need time to grow mentally and I feel I can't do this with them around. Although all you people reading may think I'm being irrational, remember this has been carrying over me for almost 5 years now, I really feel as if I owe to myself to let go.

If you were able to read through all that, I sincerely thank you, because none of my friends would even understand.

[MerryH]

You should definitely stop talking to her and avoid her socially. It shouldn't mean that you'll have to stop seeing all your friends. That's a bit melodramatic. You can just excuse yourself if she shows up, or if you know she's going to be somewhere you can go somewhere else. It's workable, if you want it to be.

Do you have to stop talking to him? Seems like kind of a waste of a friendship over something you probably could have gotten over years ago that maybe shouldn't have even come between you in the first place. Maybe you can find it in yourself to apologize for any weirdness and tell him that you're getting over anything that happened in the past and would just like to be friends again. And you know, the awkwardness with him might fix itself once you stop pining for his girlfriend.

But, by all means, if you think your current friends are holding you back, then of course, let them go.

[alwaystryin]

Absolutely! Leave your social group. It doesn't have to be forever. Find new friends, find yourself, expand your social life in new directions. There's no reason to not be polite should you come in contact with these people, but you have to do for you. No reason to sit around wasting time being conflicted. It's the kind of thing that will stop your own life from progressing because you're clogged up with something you can't control. Sounds like it's time for a little house cleaning

[MOCAMBO]

You should definitely stop talking to her and avoid her socially. It shouldn't mean that you'll have to stop seeing all your friends. That's a bit melodramatic. You can just excuse yourself if she shows up, or if you know she's going to be somewhere you can go somewhere else. It's workable, if you want it to be.

Do you have to stop talking to him? Seems like kind of a waste of a friendship over something you probably could have gotten over years ago that maybe shouldn't have even come between you in the first place. Maybe you can find it in yourself to apologize for any weirdness and tell him that you're getting over anything that happened in the past and would just like to be friends again. And you know, the awkwardness with him might fix itself once you stop pining for his girlfriend.

But, by all means, if you think your current friends are holding you back, then of course, let them go.

Well the problem is that these two people are part of my main friend-core, so there is almost no way I can just avoid them both without having my friends having to start to pick sides either. The reason I have to stop seeing him is because I don't beleive its fair that we have to be so fake around each other, we do have skeletons in our closet, and we really can't continue doing this, its not fair to both of us. The awkwardness will always remain really because of the fact that I was pinning for his gf, all those years where we had our silent feud will always remain in both our minds.

Absolutely! Leave your social group. It doesn't have to be forever. Find new friends, find yourself, expand your social life in new directions. There's no reason to not be polite should you come in contact with these people, but you have to do for you. No reason to sit around wasting time being conflicted. It's the kind of thing that will stop your own life from progressing because you're clogged up with something you can't control. Sounds like it's time for a little house cleaning

Yea, I wasn't planning on doing it forever, just however long it took for me to be "healthy" in a sense. It's time I start to think about myself for once in a change.

[Hayden10]

I would not be friends with either of them at all. It is coming to the expense if your self-esteem and emotional health being. You have been trying to put your differences aside for years and where has that gotten you? I also always put my feelings on the back burner just so everyone can be happy, but once in a while you have to do it for yourself. Find a new life you deserve to be happy.

[teacup711]

Re your last post its good to hear that youve begun to focus on yourself for a change-- very positive step. It takes stages in our lives to make breaks from social or work related groups. What you discover is later, if you choose to return, or if by chance you come across someone else in the group, you'll most probably unearth other people within the clique who were planning to jump ship as well!
Sounds like you have made a wise choice.