Met a really wonderful guy but i dont know if im over my ex

[Zoya]

So i was with my ex for 5 yrs...long time..and then we broke up and a very short time later he started going out with my best friend and lied to me abt it for 3-4 months until i finally basically told him that he's not even worth thinking about. The problem is that as much as i hate my ex i still have feelings for him. Forgetting those 5 yrs is close to impossible... but im trying and i've made progress no doubt. We've been broken up for around 6 mths and i still think abt him pretty often. Now i want to move on, but i know if i rush into sum its just going to be a rebound..so i actually kept myself away from becoming to close with guys...except i have this guy who is a rlly good friend.. and he knows everything that i've been through..and he bascially told me he liked me.
He's a good guy but im scared to be with him for many reasons
1) How do i know forsure that he is trustworthy, my ex was with me for 5 yrs and the minute we broke up he went dating my best friend. Not only screwing her but they're in an actual relationship..he called her his wifey..While he proposed to me this january!!! but thats a whole other story..My ex is a douchebag i realise that now. But how do i know this guy isnt...whats the garantee
2) Ok i know ima have to take the chance if i ever wanna be in any relationship, but this guy is prettty much my best friend and if things between us dnt work out then we wont ever be the same friends ever again. Is it really worth risking
3) I admit i have feelings for him, and i told him that. but i also told him that i dnt know if they are real or just there because im vulnerable...so i told him i need time to figure that out...I also told him that i still love my ex and probably always will but right now i still think of him all the time so i need time to get over him first.

Afer all that this is what he had to say
" you're the type of girl any guy would die for. If time is what you need, then take all of it. I'll always be here waiting here for you."
Exactly that!
Now that just made my heart melt! And i just said thanks, ur friendship right now means everything to me...just give me time to think and ill get back to u on this..

This happened a week ago, surprisingly things havent been awkward at all between us...

Any suggestions? What shud i do? Are my feelings for this guy real?

[IndiReloaded]

You are still grieving your ex, so no you shouldn't start dating your friend. Your instincts are right, IMO: you are vulnerable. Your decision making isn't the best right now. Sort yourself out before getting into something that is likely to be emotionally heavy (friend relationships tend to move faster than dating a stranger). In fact, it might not be a bad idea to casually date. Just to find your feet, it doesn't have to be more than a coffee or lunch.

[searock]

I agree, don't get into a new relationship until you are completely over your ex. It would be just painful for the both of you.

[bulrush]

If you don't know if you are over your ex, you aren't over your ex.

1) How do i know forsure that he is trustworthy, my ex was with me for 5 yrs and the minute we broke up he went dating my best friend. Not only screwing her but they're in an actual relationship..he called her his wifey..While he proposed to me this january!!! but thats a whole other story..My ex is a douchebag i realise that now. But how do i know this guy isnt...whats the garantee

You were in the same spot when I first got married. So, my comment is, there is not guarentee, but you can influence things in your favor, by choosing good men. Watch to make sure their actions are honorable, and ignore what they say. This will tell you loads of information.

2) Ok i know ima have to take the chance if i ever wanna be in any relationship, but this guy is prettty much my best friend and if things between us dnt work out then we wont ever be the same friends ever again. Is it really worth risking

Depends how bad you want to date him. Do you want to date him because he is good dating material, or because you are lonely? Don't date just because you are lonely. But DO get out and look for that great guy. You must date at least 10 people before you find a really good match.

3) I admit i have feelings for him, and i told him that. but i also told him that i dnt know if they are real or just there because im vulnerable...so i told him i need time to figure that out...I also told him that i still love my ex and probably always will but right now i still think of him all the time so i need time to get over him first.

Many of us have a little space in their heart for one or more of their ex's. We spent time together, we were close, but in the end, it didn't work out. Try to open your heart to make room for more people. To do that, you have to let the anger and sadness go, if any.

My ex wife was a mean shell of a person. So there is no love lost with her. But one of my ex girlfriends was a very nice, giving person. Her actions spoke volumes. But we were not compatible for a long-term thing. I still have a tiny place in my heart for her, and I will always remember her with fondness. As she was the one who gave me hope that there is someone out there for me.

One more thing. If you want to date him later, say in a few months, TELL HIM THAT! Just tell him you are not ready now. Don't keep him in the dark! That's the worst thing you could do.

[Zoya]

Thanks soo much for all the replies...I actually spoke to him about it quite openly and he was really understanding...He said however long it takes for u to get over him and figure out if im the guy u want...But thanks a lot..Yea i usually have strong hatefull feelings for my ex but the emotions kick in sometimes. So i think ima stay friends with him and take it slow... but i will definitely not rush into things with him. And i know hes a good guy becuz he has liked me for awhile and i know the girls he's been with and he seems decent. But for now i guess its great to have someone to laugh with.
But thanks agaainn eveyrone

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