My mom does not approve of my relationship. What to do????

[HeartIsAching]

Yah but she's my mom! I don't wanna ignore her. But then again I don't wanna hear her beliefs when she can't even accept what I have to say. I just wish my mom was happy for me and could accept how things are

Note that nowhere in the word "Mother" does the word "Owner" appear.

[beyou]

When will she be ready to meet my bf? When we're already married? And then she'll miss the wedding and then blame me. When she was the one to blame first cause she doesn't want to meet him. Should I even keep her in the loop? I don't wanna bring my bf to Christmas without him being invited cause that would just create unnessary drama.

[beyou]

Thanks for the advice @ HeartIsAching

[Hookahmike]

Yah but she's my mom! I don't wanna ignore her. But then again I don't wanna hear her beliefs when she can't even accept what I have to say. I just wish my mom was happy for me and could accept how things are

You cant win with some ppl, even family. I find that christians seem to have issues accepting differing beliefs, if all else fails go biblicleol on her ass, god gave you free will yo fing your own path

[beyou]

Thanks @ Hookahmike!

[devonbrown]

I am not sure that your mom has a choice in this matter. If she is coming to visit you and your boyfriend lives with you, she is going to have to meet him. You can't really force him to leave his place of residence. You mom is going to have to accept that you are your own person and that just because you make decisions different than she would doesn't mean that you are a horrible person, or that she did a bad job of raising you.

Good luck.

[vashti]

Part of being a grown-up is accepting that other people may not agree with the choices you make in life, and accepting responsibility for those choices.

You knew your mother wouldn't approve of you living with someone before marriage, but you decided to do it anyway. That's fine - it IS your choice - but you need to accept that as a result, she is unhappy with you, and you don't have any right to impose your beliefs on HER anymore than she has to impose hers on you.

You each make your own choices, and you are each responsible for dealing with the consequence of that choice.

[MerryH]

I don't wanna bring my bf to Christmas without him being invited cause that would just create unnessary drama.

What do you mean "bring" him to Christmas? Is there a get-together at a relative's house that your mother will also be attending? It's up to the host/ess to invite him, then. If he's not invited, it would be rude to bring him. If he was, then your mom will just have to deal with it.

Invite her to have dinner at your place while she's in town. Of course your boyfriend will be there. If she refuses, at least you tried. You should keep her in the loop, though. She'll probably come around eventually.

[beyou]

Yes there is a get-together at my aunt's house. I told my mom I would like to bring my bf to the get-together and she said she is not ready to meet him. My mom is the one that is trying to un-invite him. Everyone of my family (aunts,uncles,brother) has met him except my mom. I accept what my mom has to say but I'm not going to do what she wants. Life is about living and learning. She said she'll never accept our relationship based on the circumstances. I just think she's a hypocrite. My brother lived with his ex for 4 years without being married and she was fine with it since it got him out of trouble. Is she just being tough on me cause I'm the daughter???

[Cerby]

Exactly, both oldskool and hookahmike didn't provide anything other than wasted space on the forum server. She is your mom, and he is your boyfriend, both aren't going anywhere.

You can't disown mom for standing up for her beliefs, but the answer is stated above: Tell her that you make your own choices. You're a grown up, and she needs to learn to accept you for whatever it is you choose to believe in. Hardcore oldschool Christians are stubborn in their beliefs, that they are carrying the word of god - its a hard thing to convince them otherwise. So perhaps the answer is in simply not having her meet your boyfriend. It may be important to you, but it may not be worth the hassle that it will cause. He is probably more modern, so you might just talk to him about going to see his family when she is around.

I'm more curious about the part where he takes care of you, makes sure you have food to eat, etc. . .elaborate?

[beyou]

I was stating that he's a good guy for me, what is there not to like...He has a full-time job, unlike many guys that I know. He is able to take care of me financially,physically, nutritionally, and emotionally. That's what matters most.

[vashti]

Has he been formally *invited* by whomever is hosting this family gathering? If he hasn't, he shouldn't go. Period.

Your relatives may like your boyfriend, and may not mind your living arrangement, but if you were MY sister's daughter, I would tell you not to bring him. My sister would be more important to me than your boyfriend (or even you). I would probably also be resentful that you were willing to put me on the spot by expecting me choose you and your boyfriend over my sister.