Question..

[inflorescence]

To keep it as basic as I can:

-I have a boyfriend of 2.5 years
-I'm in my mid twenties
-3rd year of university
-Classmate of mine in two classes and lab always sit together. Never discussed relationship statuses or any real personal details. Strictly school and the odd conversation about videogames/what we do on the weekends.
-Live near each other so have taken transit/car together
-The odd study session in the library together

The boyfriend works super late and I normally eat by myself. I suggested to classmate during study session we should grab a coffee/food (not abnormal in my opinion)...

Am I sending the wrong signal? Do you think he wants anything? Do I bring up that I have a boyfriend (even though we have been classmates for a whole semester... I think it would be bizzare to give personal information)

Thanks!

[smackie9]

Ya that's always a tough one. You have been keeping it casual, and he hasn't suggested any date like things to you, I guess you are ok. You know it all depends on the guy. Some are smart enough to know if a girl is into them or not, by reading body language,etc. There are others that a simple hello will make them think you want them bad, so it's a hit or miss. Asking someone to grab a bite after a study session isn't exactly hitting on them or leading them on, so go for it. If things seem like they are heading in the wrong direction then just tell him that you have a BF.

It's not bizzare to give out some personal information....if you are spending a lot of time with someone, especially outside of school or the library, then it's gonna have to come up sooner or later.

[inflorescence]

Hey thanks for your quick response last night, ended up grabbing food with them and it was super chill.. talked about football, you're definitely right about the body language, (the vibe is that we both don't want each other- more of a brother/sister vibe.) Even gave me a high five good bye. Im always skeptical of new male friendships but this one seems legit.

[bcgirl]

you should definately hint that you have a boyfriend. A quick...."oh, i think i hear my cell phone.... it was just my boyfriend texting me" This will at least let this guy know that you are not single, and not to get any crazy ideas.

[Wakeup]

you should definately hint that you have a boyfriend. A quick...."oh, i think i hear my cell phone.... it was just my boyfriend texting me" This will at least let this guy know that you are not single, and not to get any crazy ideas.

I agree: "This is called a relationship boundary cross block."

This is what people in exclusive relationships do when they are not wanting to give a member of the opposite sex "the wrong idea." If you're sincere in your assertion that you don't want to give him the wrong idea, then you will incorporated "relationship boundary cross blocks" whenever this new "friend" attempts to cross your relationship boundary(s).

Hopefully your bf would be doing the same thing when he interacts with members of the oppposite sex that he grabs a bite to eat with as well. It's how people who have promised exclusivity to one another avoid getting too emotionally involved with other people that we may find attractive. Blocks reinforce to him/her and more importantly YOU that you are in a relationship.

[TrustIssues]

I agree: "This is called a relationship boundary cross block."

This is what people in exclusive relationships do when they are not wanting to give a member of the opposite sex "the wrong idea." If you're sincere in your assertion that you don't want to give him the wrong idea, then you will incorporated "relationship boundary cross blocks" whenever this new "friend" attempts to cross your relationship boundary(s).

Hopefully your bf would be doing the same thing when he interacts with members of the oppposite sex that he grabs a bite to eat with as well. It's how people who have promised exclusivity to one another avoid getting too emotionally involved with other people that we may find attractive. Blocks reinforce to him/her and more importantly YOU that you are in a relationship.

That's some expert advice right there. I'll be sure to keep this in mind for my next official relationship

[inflorescence]

I agree: "This is called a relationship boundary cross block."
Hopefully your bf would be doing the same thing when he interacts with members of the oppposite sex that he grabs a bite to eat with as well. It's how people who have promised exclusivity to one another avoid getting too emotionally involved with other people that we may find attractive. Blocks reinforce to him/her and more importantly YOU that you are in a relationship.

My bf is at a new job and has gone for lunch/coffee with co-workers of the opposite sex and they don't know about me and I'm not questioning him being interested in them. I trust him and am secure about us.

I really like this idea of casually bringing it up to my classmate with a relationship cross block, no situation has come up allowing me to do it though because it has been so platonic/non personal details and I tend not to be on the phone during the day (the bf has little to no time for calls/texts) so not sure how I can casually bring it up if Im not on the phone with him. If we grab another drink/bite after studying in a public place for hours I will somehow make a hint towards it. The more I have talked about it on here the less concerned I am! Thanks for your help!

[smackie9]

Well at least you had some concern over it....it means you really respect this guy and don't want anything to happen that would turn into something ugly needlessly. We all know too well the attention whores out there that play stupid, so our boards get full of posts from confused guys, that end up all messed up and hurt.

[Wakeup]

My bf is at a new job and has gone for lunch/coffee with co-workers of the opposite sex and they don't know about me and I'm not questioning him being interested in them. I trust him and am secure about us.

Well that's good however trust is secondary when it comes to attraction, and spending lots of time with the person you are attracted to. The more time you (the general you) spend time together the higher the odds are that you will catch feelings for that person if you don't use blocks during overt flirting or whenever necessary. It's human nature to gravitate towards those that make us feel good, make us laugh, boost our egos etc. You add physical attraction to that with no relationship boundaries in place and thats when infidelities through physcial and/or emotional affairs sneek up on people who had absolutely no intentions of going there.

How many married/living together/exclusively committed people have you read about that start out their post on cheating with "I had no intentions of falling in love/going to bed with them, it just happened." If your boyfriend has no RBBT's in place either, then it would be good to read about them and leave the material out for him to read as well. At least talk about the concept with one another over a glass of wine one evening.

*You use blocks and as Smackie alluded to, you'll not be giving the other the wrong idea about your date-like or one-on-one activities with your friends of the opposite sex as well.