Please read this scenario that happened to me. I am the woman in this story.

[gregandsol]

Here is a little short story. Read this story carefully. This is what happened to me.

There is a family that recently started living together. First, the woman, who is the homeowner, who has no children of her own, works in a professional fulltime job within a large agency. She makes good money, forced to travel for her job, disciplines herself to keep a forced savings and a retirement accounts for years and maintains the house she owns in a good and safe condition.
Second, the man, who has 2 children. He has minimal part time employment ( 1 day a week just a few hours that day) and is also collecting assistance money from the Govt for the welfare of his children and herself. He probably could better his employment, but seems somewhat comfortable the way it is.
The man and woman decide to have a relationship. The man moves into the woman’s house. There are some differences in life experience and philosophies, but that is expected in any relationship. For the most part, all is well. The woman continually tries to teach the man how to be frugal with his money to make it go further so he could have more for future needs rather than being broke at the end of every week, basically avoiding the scenario of living from paycheck to paycheck. She also tries to prepare her children for adulthood which the man admittedly says that it was not taught to them. It seems to be an ongoing struggle, but slow progress is being made.
Over the years, they traveled on several vacations, with the woman paying for all the expenses for both of them on the vacations which included the plane fares, hotel costs, transportation costs, meals, etc. She paid off all existing credit card debt the man had when the relationship started too. She supplied the man and her children with cars, computers, cell phones, etc and all the necessities to have a good life. Basically, they needed nothing more.
The woman made some financial decisions that would benefit the family in the long term financially but would cost them a onetime increased tax liability for the following 2 years. Knowing this, the woman needed to save extra money in anticipation of paying off this tax liability come April 15th of the following year. During this year, the woman and man became engaged and she incurred more expenses that go with an engagement.
Late in the year, an invitation came from the man’s parents that they wanted to meet this woman. For this to happen, since they live so far away, it would involve an expensive airfare and the usual travel fees that go with it. The man had his own plane ticket already said he also had enough money to take one of his kids with him on this trip also. The woman, however, due to the increased savings that is needed to pay the tax liability next year, said that she could not really afford it at this time, even though she would like to go. However, she suggested that he not have one of his children go, and help pay for her ticket instead to see his parents, as that was the original request from his parents. This would then make it possible then for the woman to go.
The man refuses to help her with the money. He said he will just travel there alone without her. He says she makes plenty of money and should not have to pay or help pay for her ticket. The woman then says she has been paying for all their tickets and expenses in the past on all their trips. The man counters and states that she makes more money than he does and it is basically absurd to even ask for help.

What are your thoughts about this story? Each person thinks they are correct in this scenario.

[malteser]

You have made life far too comfortable for him and he took it for granted that you would be able to pay to go visit his parents, since you have always paid for everything so he doesn't see why this should be any different. In my opinion relationships like this don't work out longer term because eventually the partner who earns the most ends up resenting the fact that they are paying for everything whilst the other person takes them for granted. This relationship is massively imbalanced.

[devonbrown]

You chose to get into this situation from the start. It isn't like you started dating him and all of a sudden he started taking advantage of your generosity. It is an unbalanced relationship, but part of the blame for that falls to you as well.

Here is my take - this situation (the trip to his parents') has just brought up an issue that has been around for a long time. Also, reading your story, you sound like you think that you are "better" than him in some way. That you are being so great in buying him things and teaching his children and so forth. This is the bed you've made.

It seems like there are two scenarios from here. Either you decide that money doesn't matter and find a way to go on the trip or you decide your fiscal life is more important than your relationship.

p.s. - I think your suggestion to have him not take one of his children to go see their grandparents is very uncool.