Did I do the right thing?

[shymaira]

My father 's health is deteriorating from Cancer, and I've been spending the last few weeks in the hospital. I was in a long distance relationship, and it bothered me that in the past couple weeks, my bf rarely texted me or called me first, to see how I was coping. He only responded if I texted him or called him first. Three nights in a row, when my dad's health got really bad, I was feeling really sad about my father, and I texted him and told him how I was feeling and that I would like to talk. He texted back on all three times that he was busy at the moment, either with work friends, or his parents, or with his friend. He offered to call me back later, but due to the time difference ( 3 hours) it always got too late for me by the time he was available.

I understand he's busy and has a life, but I figured if he cared, he would pick up the phone and just call me for a few minutes. This is what I would expect a normal guy genuinely cares to do. I would understand if he was in a workl meeting or appointment, he wouldn't be able to drop everything, but he was just hanging out with friends or colleagues. Anyway, I brought up how I felt, and told him I'd appreciate it if he'd be more supportive and just text me more throughout the day, or call me on his own, without always waiting for me to initiate. I said it would mean a lot to me, and it would show that he cares. The next day, I expected him to text me more, but I didn't hear from him at all. I ended up calling him, and he admitted that he doesn't like being told what to do. We got into a huge fight, and he said some really hurtful things out of anger (that I'm being selfish, don't understand men, etc), and then basically he wanted to just pick things up tomorrow. But, I'm the type who likes to solve things right away, or at least before I sleep, because my feelings of resent tend to grow overnight. I said nevermind and we ended our relationship.

Anyway, its over between us, but I want to know for my future relationships, am I expecting too much?

[GiovanniByron]

First, I'd like to say sorry to hear what's happening with your father. I can understand how you would be feeling very sad and lonely and in need of some support.

That being said, no, I don't think you were/are asking too much. Your post pretty much says it all when you wrote "Anyway, I brought up how I felt, and told him I'd appreciate it if he'd be more supportive and just text me more throughout the day, or call me on his own, without always waiting for me to initiate. I said it would mean a lot to me, and it would show that he cares" and he didn't try to reach you. That would indicate that he doesn't care so you were right.

IMHO, if a guy cares about a woman and the woman is in need of some sort, he should be there for her or at least try. If he can't be there physically, then the least he can do is call or text letting the woman know she's not alone and has someone to come "home" to whether that be a physical home or an emotional home.

I wish you the best.

[shymaira]

Thank you, GiovanniByron, for taking the time to respond. It helps me be more positive that I did the right thing.

I did do something too, that made my ex bf mad, which I didn't include in my previous entry.I told my ex-bf that another man, "George" ,(who is interested in me) is texting me a lot and showing his support and asking how my dad is. And my ex bf burst out angry, saying how can you compare me to another man, you are so selfish and don't understand men. I told him that George knows well that I had a boyfriend, and he was just reaching out to me, cause his father died of cancer too a few years ago. Which is the truth, cause I told him just a couple weeks ago I wasn't currently interested.

Do you think I should have apologized?

[searock]

Not at all. You were just telling him about a person in your life who is helping you get through this horrible period. He should have felt lucky and appreciative for you being so open and honest as to tell him something which other partners might have chosen to keep hidden. If your ex had cared at all, he would have been there for you, and you probably wouldn't have texted George so much. So if he wants to blame someone (although of course you did nothing wrong), he should only blame himself.

You definitely did the right thing breaking up with him.

[Saya]

His very selfish and self centered.

I don't think you should apologize to him.

You definitely did the right thing by breaking up with him though.

Just don't contact him and move on.

[shymaira]

Thanks Saya and Searock...you've both made me more confident in my decision

[GiovanniByron]

Thank you, GiovanniByron, for taking the time to respond. It helps me be more positive that I did the right thing.

I did do something too, that made my ex bf mad, which I didn't include in my previous entry.I told my ex-bf that another man, "George" ,(who is interested in me) is texting me a lot and showing his support and asking how my dad is. And my ex bf burst out angry, saying how can you compare me to another man, you are so selfish and don't understand men. I told him that George knows well that I had a boyfriend, and he was just reaching out to me, cause his father died of cancer too a few years ago. Which is the truth, cause I told him just a couple weeks ago I wasn't currently interested.

Do you think I should have apologized?

Well, I can see how/why he might have been upset, but once he cooled down, he should have come to the realization that the mature thing to do is put his personal feelings aside and give you the support you needed. Being able to put emotion aside and doing what's right is very important in a long term relationship. The right thing for him would have been to call, ask how your Dad was doing, and see how you were feeling. I still think you did the right thing in breaking up with him.

IMHO, a person should put their partners needs first (note I wrote needs and not wants) and you needed to know you weren't alone and had someone to talk to. He should have been there for you. If you would have stayed with him, you would have been very lonely. That wouldn't make for a very loving relationship. More of a partnership than a marriage or what have you.