How to stop loving someone?

[ladyluck]

Hi guys.
My story is i met a guy when i was in the USA (i am Australian) I went back to see him in May, things didnt work out so i flew home, after months of him ignoring me he started talking to me again, we got back together and i flew back over in October only to have him treat me badly, so i decided to leave and i regret it.
He has ignored me ever since. This is my first time i have been in love (i am 28) and i just dont know how you "get over someone" and just move on. Sure i have gone NC, but i still think about him everyday, all day.
How do you just stop loving someone?

[Saya]

Don't talk to him, ignore him if he talks you.
Become more active by doing something. Go to gym, work hard with work.
Go out with your friends more.
Meet more new people and get to know them.
If your mind is busy with other things, most likely you'll get over him since you won't be thinking about him often.
Good thing about this is that, he lives in US and your in AU...so it's hard to see each other.
If you two lived in the same city then most likely you'll end up bumping into each other at the shops or something.

[Wakeup]

Lady, getting over a someone is a process that you have to go through. It's certainly not something that we wake up from the next day and all is well. First step is to accept that who you left is not someone that you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.

so i decided to leave and i regret it.

You regret it? Really? He treated you poorly and he took advantage of your generosity. He was a slovenly hack who you were addicted to. You've shared nothing that indicated that he showed you any loving actions (sex does not count as a loving action if that's the only thing good about being with him).

Get the book The Five Stages Of Grief. It will help you to work through the process when you know the stages. In the meantime, do things for YOU. Keep busy with friends and family and doing things you've always wanted to do but have not yet done. Change your thoughts of him the min. they come into your head. Do not contact him and DO NOT let him contact you because if he does, he will just set you back to square one. Don't allow his emotional abuse in any way.

You're currently going through cold turkey withdrawl from your drug of choice known as "badboyfriend" and your experiencing withdrawl symptoms that with time will totally dissipate.

*You certainly don't regret leaving an apathetic user like him. You're just not used to being without your drug, being in rehab and badboyfriend withdrawl is all.

Look after yourself and do the steps you need to do. First is to let go of your thoughts of being with him. He's not a good man.

[Vegemite]

Cold turkey. Don't contact him, don't let him contact you. Don't ask about him if you have mutual friends. Until you get over him he needs to become dead to you... you can be friends later if you want but you need to get him properly out of your life first.

Apart from that, don't allow yourself to dwell on what was good in your relationship with him. When you catch yourself thinking about it, remind yourself of the bad things - why you left him...

Take care of yourself physically - eat right and especially do some exercise. Lack of these can turn a bad mood to an awful mood.

Keep yourself busy with friends, family, work, hobbies... anything. If you have something else in your life already that you're passionate about, throw yourself into that. Or did you ever want to learn a language or travel or take up a new sport or anything? Now is the time.

Say yes to anything your friends invite you to do. Try new things, have new experiences.

[devonbrown]

You are going to feel some pain and there is not much you can do about it. You are doing the right thing by going no contact. The next step is to just try to keep yourself busy. I am sure you have heard the cliche that time heals all wounds, and that is true. Be a little selfish. Do things you enjoy. Keep your mind occupied so that your heart doesn't sneak in with thoughts that make you sad.

But understand that what you are going through is normal and embrace that.

Good luck.

[bcgirl]

You were in love with someone who doesn't exist. You are in love with the person you've imagined and painted him to be in your mind. When you actually flew to visit him, he was totally not the same guy you've grown to "know"....he was cold, treated you poorly, and just not bf material. Best way to get over someone is to be happier with yourself, go out more and enjoy life....you will soon realize he wasn't worth your time and you can do so much better.

[greentea11]

It never really goes away 100%, once you care for someone. I have let go of boyfriends or friends that were hurting me and a part of me will still think of them from time to time or things remind me but you just have to realize its for the best. You are happier not being hurt and let down. Remind yourself of all the bad things they did. Plus once you meet someone new someday you will see even more how much of a fool you might have been in the past for putting up with the things you did. Time really is the answer, I know it sucks. You want a quick fix but the more you let yourself process your feelings the faster they will go away. Thats why people who drink away their problems for example, still drink and drink because they are stunting their emotional growth. You have to feel it and do whatever, cry or box a pillow haha. I always feel better when I let myself cry about something I have been holding in. Good luck and you sound like a good person who deserved much better.

[IndiReloaded]

It never really goes away 100%, once you care for someone.

This^. I've never understood why you would want to stop caring for someone. Unless the experience was a horrible one, in which case why would you remain attached? In those cases, I don't think its really 'love' for the person, more grieving for 'what might have been' if they had met your expectations.

[findlove]

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