Need help with jealousy

[tmc92ic]

Don't know how to deal with this, so I could use some advice please.

I finally met a girl I really liked and we started dating about 3-4 months. I love her and don't want to lose her.

Recently at her job, they got a bunch of new hires, one of who is Jeff. She's been texting Jeff a lot. So I decided to peek at a few of the messages when she left her phone around.

- He texted her saying that he wanted to buy her dinner and movie. She went along with it. When I talked to her about she told me that they were just friends and that they were just hanging out and it was not a date. This is the first text I read... 3-4 days before the others.
- He texted her "Morning", I don't know if he does this every morning or if it was just that one time. He seemed pretty comfortable so I assume its a normal thing now.
- He texted her saying that she was "cute" and some other stuff before that.
- He texted her to come visit her from work one time when I was with her, her sister, and her sisters boyfriend at a restaurant across the street saying "will you come visit me?". And she left us to go visit him.


A week or two before any of this... Back when I first just learned about Jeff, while drugged up on some sort of allergy medicine, I asked her who Jeff was and she replied with something like this... "Jeff is so cool, he is so nice. Like honestly I would have probably dated Jeff if me and you weren't together."

Today I finally got fed up with it. I confronted her about it and it broke out into a big fight, LIKE ALWAYS she then turned the argument into somehow it being my fault. At one point in the arguing she told me that Jeff is exactly like me personality wise. Which did not comfort me at all. My thought is that if she liked me so much, she MUST like him as well on the same level.

She told me that I am worried about us breaking up over Jeff but in reality I am the one breaking us up with this jealousy. What she said kind of made sense to me. I don't know anymore if I am in the right or if I should just let it go. All her friends are guy friends btw.


How do I deal with jealousy? Please, some advice
I really want to be with her and I feel like I am losing her with these arguments like she said.

[MerryH]

In this case, you have a right to be jealous, because your girlfriend is doing some stupid/terrible things, like telling you she would have dated Jeff if she wasn't with you. That is something else. So it's not that you're just feeling unreasonable jealousy, she's actually being inappropriate with another guy.

She should be allowed to text him and to hang out with him, but she needs to draw some boundaries, like not allowing him to call her "cute" or going to visit him when she's out with you. And "dinner and a movie" is so very clearly a date, and she should not have agreed to it. So tell her these things calmly, and if she doesn't agree to put an end to those behaviors or if she somehow makes it your fault again, you should break up with her because she obviously doesn't care to make you feel secure in your relationship.

[Wakeup]

I agree with Merry.

Son, You need to be strong enough here to tell her that she is crossing some very fundamental relationship boundaries and is being disrespectful to you and to your relationship. She is going on date like, one on one activities with him and she's putting you down when you tell her that doing stuff like that with other men is a deal breaker for you. It is a deal breaker for you or you'd not be so upset about it.

I think you should break up with her too. Woman who have mostly male friends don't make very good romantic partners it seems. Afterall, there is a thread like yours every other day on this board.

[bulrush]

She is the one who is wrong. And you have a reason to be concerned. She should not be disrespecting you by going on dates with other guys. Are you sure you two are dating exclusively? Maybe because you two didn't talk about it, she assumes she can date other people. But her going out to dinner and a movie, that's a typical date in western society.