marriage -.-

**dontkno** · 11-12-11, 06:26 PM

hello new to the forum but i joined it for a specific reason. so any ways here it goes

my current fiance whom i do love. she seems to be in a hurry to get married and for a long time so was i she was married previously and just now got her devorce so shes excited and now has her hopes up and all. my problem is that i am confused on if im scared or just plain and simply not ready for this like i said i love her but we have trust issues mostly from me to her i dont trust her because of past actions on her part. another thing that is bothering me is that when i think of our future its not entirely what i want my self you know? if any one can give me input or what ever i just need a 3rd person looking in the window in stead of being in the room you know? i apologize for my grammar ahead of time any way.

p.s. if you feel like i need to break it off with her please help me know how. when i met my fiance she was in a bad place in her life and ive done all i can to help her get back on good ground she has a little daughter whom i love also im attached to her. i just worry if we break up what will happen to my fiance and her kiddo. her ex husband is in prison as of right now and probably will be for the next 4 or 5 years so its not him im worried about its just i have so many trust issues with her. grrrrrr this is driving me mad thank you all

**steviej** · 11-12-11, 07:44 PM

Don't be pushed or rushed into something you're not ready for. Why is she so keen on marriage?
It definitely sounds like there are serious problems in the relationship that need sorting before marriage is even considered.

How old are you both?

**bcgirl** · 12-12-11, 12:16 AM

DO NOT marry her if you aren't don't 100% see yourself being with her forever. She wants to get married ASAP because she will have the security to know that you are hers forever! You can't just leave her so easily because you don't trust her....you two are bound by marriage together! You two need to clear up the trust issues before you take the step of marriage. In the end, it is YOUR life. I know you worry about her and her child....but, what about you and what YOU want?

**bulrush** · 12-12-11, 04:57 AM

DO NOT marry her if she is rushing things. There's a reason she is rushing things. It is very likely she has ulterior motives. Or she craves stability, in a dysfunctional way. People like this make me a bit nervous, because once you get married, they almost always take take take and never give anything to the relationship. BE CAUTIOUS. It's your life, and you have the right to say "no".

**dontkno** · 12-12-11, 03:52 PM

im 24 fixing to be 25 and she is 25 i agree with what you all are saying especially after the first year of our relationship its been a hard time but i love her.

how would i go about breaking up with her im just not good at that part when they cry i just dont want to hurt her i know she has her hopes up and thats all my fault because im not hard enough to just tell her how it is cause of my feelings but any suggestions

**bluesummer** · 12-12-11, 04:11 PM

I don't think it speaks much to her suitability as a partner if she's just gotten a divorce and is already setting her sights on her next marriage.

She needs time to learn from her first one.

**dontkno** · 12-12-11, 04:14 PM

she was only married to him for about a year before he went to prison hes already been in for 2 or 3 years already shes had alot of time its just taken her a long time to pay for the lawyers and stuff cause her ex is a sycopath and refused to sign the papers.

**bluesummer** · 12-12-11, 04:16 PM

Ok, well she married a psychopath that went to prison. You should be wondering what attracted her to a man of that type in the first place. I just see red flags all over the place here.

**steviej** · 12-12-11, 05:48 PM

How to break up? Take a 'man the f#ck up' pill an hour beforehand. Do you live together?

You just have to be straight to the point, say what needs saying, don't back down then get out of there asap! Don't hang around, she'll need time to get her head round it.

Its hard, but as soon as you've done it it'll get easier very quickly. Its the build up to doing it that's the worst!

**dontkno** · 12-12-11, 06:12 PM

@steve haha yea i know bro its just hard after being with her a year and shit we've been through and her lil girl is like mine i have basically raised this girl since i have known her but anyways i wont argue i know i needa man up or what ever but yea i dont know honestly what else to say i just hate this f##$%in feeling or what ever

**whenweawake** · 12-12-11, 11:44 PM

They all said don't marry her yet no one said you needed to break up. If you guys can talk about these issues and work it out maybe you won't have to. Maybe try conciling but if u truly can't see a life with her then yea break up. Just don't keep leading her on, maybe you both can sit down with the little girl and explain what's gunna happen. If she can handle it well enough

**Wakeup** · 13-12-11, 12:25 AM

Why would she even introduce you to her daughter yet? If you and the daughter are that attached then she must have had you hanging around her way to soon. She sounds totally incapable of making a sound decision in her's or her daughter's young life. It's sad that she didn't think because now her daughter has to go through the withdrawl of not being with her daddy figure. Had she not introduced you until she was sure you were a keeper (and willing to be kept) then the little girl would be none the wiser about you and therefore unhurt about a breakup between her mother and her bf.

Just tell your gf outright, calmly and to the point that its over and that you wish her the best. Then leave her the **** alone so she can get over you. None of this "letting her down easy" by being her half assed friend and giving her false hopes and the inability to move on because she hopes you'll come back because you enver really leave.

**steviej** · 13-12-11, 04:17 PM

You know what you have to do, let us know how it goes!

Good luck.

**HeartIsAching** · 14-12-11, 12:13 AM

Oh hell no... if you've got doubts now, you need to not do it. Frankly I think you should probably just walk.

And yeah, take a "Man The Hell Up" pill and just do it.

**cheekxs** · 30-07-12, 10:44 PM

How long did she get out of the divorce?
and i think if you have doupt the best and only thing is to talk about it. and if it not work out, then dont marry . prospone the wedding.

Its anyway better to break a engagement and a relationship then a marriage.

And dont she need time to get herself together and heal from the divorce?
Why does she want to marry that fast?
And i think the kid would be better off with you 2 not married. then in a home with a lot of fight all the time and trust problems.
and end up in another divorce.

Its not okay for the kid to have to see so much divorce and fight. that woman should know better.
that as a mother she cant go around marry like a idiote with what ever men.
Adult put and hurt kids often. and wonder later why the kid ended as a criminal or with a bad guy.

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