What happend

[pattyx7]

Hi this is my story...

I have been with this girl for nearly 4 years now. Starting from the beginning we met online and had a long distance relationship for about 2 years. Then we moved in together right away. We were like soul mates. We obviously had ups and downs, and we went through a lot together, where i couldve just walked away. She cheated, I cheated - but no sex, and that was before we met for the first time. Anyway we live together for 2 years now. Things got really bad a couple times and i almost left her a couple times. But then things got better before the summer. We went on great trips and had a lot of fun. I then went back home for a month. When i came back we had a great time but i slowly felt she was pushing me away. Later i found out on facebook that she is cheating (sex and everything else) on me and is still seeing the guy. She also admitted that she cheated on me with another guy in the summer when i was gone. Its been about 2 months since i found out, and shes still seeing him. We still live together but im out of the country right now. I broke up with her, for seeing him again. She said she will be moving out before i get back. I dont want that to happen I love her so much I dont know what to do anymore. She also has a tendancy to turn things around on me, like its always my fault somehow. She told me that she knows its her fault though. She doesnt like to see me cry but yet she gets annoyed with me being depressed all the time. She tells me if its ment to be we will find each other again in the future. I know that we need time but its so hard, im lost. I think shes with him because he is a hard ass and im not, im a nice guy. She tells me i changed her from being a rebel to being all innocent now, and that she didnt want me to change her. She tells me now she needs time for herself, but why is she seeing him then? and lies about it. Over and over i have to find out over facebook that she saw him again. Im trying to be friends with her now, I told her to stop seeing him to work on our friendship and she agreed, but she already saw him again. She tells me i stress her out, but I dont even know what I did to deserve all this. I wanted to propose to her this month =[. Everyone tells me to get rid of her, but I dont want to. I dont know why. What do I do? How do I get her back? I want her back. I dont want her to move out. She is the perfect girl, shes everything i look for in a girl, and i never met anyone like her before. Im devastated. Could anyone please give me some advise please.

[stuckies]

what do you want to hear? Stay with a cheater/Leave a cheater.

They are your only choices.

[pattyx7]

how do I get her back?

[stuckies]

you can't force someone, they have to want to. Would you want her back knowing she's lied to you? How do you like the thought of her with this man? How will you trust her again?

I KNOW it's hard when you have feelings for someone - as many people have said, what would you advise a friend to do?

[smackie9]

She cheats on you and lies to you because you won't let her go. You are a cling-on....even now when you know she is still seeing this guy, you refuse to let go.... she doesn't care anymore, she will just lie to you to keep you off her back. She will keep seeing him regardless of your love for her.

Things fell apart because internet relationships are 20% reality and the other 80% is fantasy spun from your imagination. Being together irl is way different than over the net. You really can't possibly know someone until you actually spend time together. Your first mistake was living together. You should have just continued dating for like 6 months to a year before making the choice to live together. During your time living together she found out you were not the guy she thought you were...you turned out to be clingy, and needy...a real drippy wimpass. Dude she wanted out so bad....but there you are all crying, looking like a fool.....BIG TURN OFF! to any female. You need a slap to the face, to knock some frickin sense in to you....IT"S OVER SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU! Just let her go, and seek out some therapy, because you are just loosin it.

[stuckies]

well. that's one way to put it.

[smackie9]

Everyone tells me to get rid of her.

Listen to "everyone"....

[pattyx7]

I agree we shouldnt have moved in together, but that was the only way we couldve been together.

During your time living together she found out you were not the guy she thought you were...you turned out to be clingy, and needy...a real drippy wimpass. Dude she wanted out so bad....but there you are all crying, looking like a fool.....BIG TURN OFF! to any female. You need a slap to the face, to knock some frickin sense in to you....IT"S OVER SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU! Just let her go, and seek out some therapy, because you are just loosin it.

and we actually had the best time of our lives together for the most part, and we got along great irl. so that couldnt have been it.

[pattyx7]

you can't force someone, they have to want to. Would you want her back knowing she's lied to you? How do you like the thought of her with this man? How will you trust her again?

I KNOW it's hard when you have feelings for someone - as many people have said, what would you advise a friend to do?

Its hard to trust her again, but im very trusting, i dont think that will be an issue in the long run. I would be able to trust her again i think. One night stand, okay fine. But a relationship with him behind my back and shes still in it. It makes me sick, angry and much more.

[smackie9]

If you got along great, it was short lived bc the honeymoon phase ended and she saw what she actually ended up with. Plus people can put on a mask of happiness while they are actually disappointed or someone else on the side is making them smile.

She obviously wants out so stop trying to force her other wise...like I said, it's over.

[smackie9]

At the beginning of her cheating ya you have every right to be angry.....but now you only have yourself to blame for your hurt.

[pattyx7]

im not forcing anything. im trying to get advice how i can get her back. i know she was happy with me - dont tell me she wasnt because i think i know better. I really just want advise, not directions.

[pattyx7]

I wrote this about 2 months ago, but i never posted it. But here you go:

Alright let me start at the beginning.
I was 18 years old and never felt real love before. I also never had sex before. I lived in germany at the time. One day i met this really nice girl ( from the states) online on facebook through a dating app. We got a long perfectly. We were soulmates. She tried visiting me in germany but got arrested for running away from home, i almost got arrested for 'child pornopraphy' because my girl was under 18 and i was 19. We went through good and bad. We went through a lot together. I never even saw her in person before. Then i flew to the states a year later to go to college. 3 months into college she turned 18 and flew straight to me(from utah to georgia) to see me and move in with me on the same day. Things were really good. Slowly we got into more fights togetger but it was just a up and down thing, more or less. She brought a car from utah last summer and we just moved into another apartment. This summer i met her family in utah and we had a great time. They are just in the middle of a divorce. I flew back to germany to see my family and then we returned to live together in georgia. I completly trusted her. But then came the time when she would never come home anymore and party with her friends all the time. So i finally asked her on saturday if she was cheating on me. She said yes and i asked: sex? And she said yes. I broke down. And later she told me she did it before in the summer, just a couple weeks ago. Today she admitted to 4 times with the guy here and 3 with the one in the summer in utah. I even found the condoms i had bought in her bag, used. I really love her. She almost left this morning but i couldnt let her go. I love her so much. I dont know what to do. I really thought id marry this girl. She was the one. I really want it to work but i dont know how i can trust her again. I have been crying so much and getting anxiety attacks i dont even know what to anymore. I have a past with suicidal thoughts and cutting myself. I hope i can resist cause i know better. I cant sleep. Ive always been really skinny and i think im eating less too now, even though i usaally eat a lot. I have low blood pressure. Im a mess right now. I dont know what to do.
Thers more details to the above its just not in there.

[pattyx7]

they should make a movie about this, its ridiculous.

[Wakeup]

they should make a movie about this, its ridiculous.

Op: You should seek counceling to learn why you so badly want someone that disrespects you so. No one in their right mind would give you advice on how to get a woman like her back.

Or: Call your doctor and ask her/him how you can get her back. He'll hook you up with a therapist who will help you to understand why you're better off without her.

i know she was happy with me

Start your journey with paying attention to the past-tense in that statement.


Good luck with your self-enlightenment.