Girl Advice

[Noruego]

Hi there, my name is Ted and I'm 21 years old and I would love some advice on the situation with a girl I'm currently seeing. It's a bit of a long read, but I would really appreciate it as I am kind of messed up lately. Up until this august I have never been in a relationship, barely kissed a girl when I was 13 but that was just juvenile stuff that didn't mean anything. Never hooked up with anyone at a party or anything like that. Before you read on, please realize I am a pretty normal person and normally pretty good at keeping this stuff bottled up, but now I figured I'd take my chances here.

So this august I started at my new school, a film school in norway. The first day there was a social gathering for the new students and I met this girl. We hit it off really well, spent like 2-3 hours talking when we should be getting to know everyone in the school. The next day there were more social gatherings, (in Norway the first week is spent drinking and getting to know everyone basically). I started to get the impression that this girl kinda liked me, but due to my unsuccessful past I didn't let it get to my head. Then she made me come to the party she was going to that night, instead of going with my group. She was so cute, because she was so all over the place "I'll text him...I'll just go text him now" and ran to get her phone. Well that nigth we spent the entire party talking some more. She even apologized for talking to some other guy, when I had said nothing about it at all. Now I was becoming pretty sure that she liked me. When everyone at the party decided to hit the town, she suggested we go to her friends place, just me and her, for a while and chill before hitting the town aswell. Eventually we got to a nightclub and I don't like to dance so I kind of just sat down. She started dancing with some other guy from the school and I just thought to myself "**** no, I'm tired of this", wen't up to her and grabbed her towards me and we started dancing and eventually made out for a good while. We held hands on the way home and I got the feeling this was no one night thing. This happened a lot the rest of the social week. We drank, made out and had some awesome moments.

In the first week, she introduced me to some of her friends and her sister which made it seem as though she didn't mind being seen with me. We started walking to school together, hanging out sometimes after school. I was on my way to thinking we were becoming a couple. Then about a month later there was this party. She was having a few friends from her old school to visit, one of whom was a boy who she had briefly had something going on with at their old school. She explained to me that he just announced they were in a relationship and she wasn't into that and she ended it. She told me about an ex of hers way back that betrayed her big time, he slept with her best friend. So I get that she has trust issues, it has also come to my attention in the following month or so that she's been betrayed by a lot of people. She said to me once that she told her friend about me and used the words "cute, kind and there is nothing harmful about him", so I realize this was something that was on her mind from the very beginning. I told her that I had only kissed one girl before her and she said "Oh, then this might mean a lot more to you than to me?". I explained that I only told her so she would know that in case I'm too clingy or anything that it's probably because of that. Anyway, back to the party. The guy seemed ok, talked to him a bit. I asked her later if he was sleeping in her bed with her and she said yes, oh so casually. She explained to me that being betrayed that way, she could never do that to another human being. I believe that she didn't do anything with him, but there is still no ****ing reason why he should sleep in her bed when she has a sleeping sofa. I got upset and left, she tried to calm me down for about an hour. Trying to kiss me but I just left, she told me not to think about it. She also said some stuff about being really jealous whenever I would talk to this other girl in our class, which I had kind of noticed. I tried to bring it up the next day, but she got a kind of "back off" attitude about it and said it could never happen so there was no reason to talk about it. Fearing I might do some damage to us i let it go. After this incident we barely talked for about 3 weeks.

After those three weeks, of just seeing eachother at school but not doing anything together. She told me out of the blue that we should do something together this weekend, to make up lost time. That weekend we went out, got drunk and had sex. I told her at the club "I'm going home". "No wait, I have plans for you" she said. "What plans would that be?" i asked. "They are what you think they are." So we were lying in her bed, fooling around. She asked if I wanted to and I said maybe some other time since you're drunk and she said she wasn't that drunk and it happened. After that, things got steadily better. She started to open up to me more about things, we celebrated our birthdays together. We had never been happier. We haven't had sex again (which is no biggie for me), but we hang out from time to time and always cuddle and make out all the time. This is kind of where I am now, but there are a few problems that have recently turned me into an obsessive, stressed out, jealous freak.

We don't text, we do from time to time but she is so lousy at answering them that I stopped sending them. She has apologized for this a few times and I know it's not just me because I have to tell her to answer her best friend when I'm at her place. She's on facebook chat every so often, but isn't the person who sits around and chats with people. This makes it hard for me to talk to her outside of school. The biggest problem is that when we are at school, she doesn't like showing any affection to me. If we are out of sight of the other students we kiss, but she almost never touches me or acts affectionately towards me in front of other people. She hasn't seen my appartment yet, or met any of my friends. She's met my brother and brother in law, but none of my friends. To be fair I haven't invited her to meet my friends more than maybe once or twice, but I get the feeling she doesn't want to. But the appartment thing kinda bugs me, she lives like 10 minutes away and I constantly walk up to her place. She has said a few times things like "Oh I can't today, but yeh I should really see the place soon".

Now the problem for me is, shouldn't two people who meet and fall for eachother be acting like they really dig eachother? I mean this girl could probably go a week without talking to me and not be that bugged about it. Even today when I was saying goodbye to her and her best friend who I assume she tells everything, she doesn't want to kiss me in front of her. I get the feeling that she likes to hang out but doesn't want to be in a real relationship. I know she likes me, the way she looks at me and from time to time we have some amazing moments just the two of us. But she never tells me that she likes me, once I asked her. "Uhm, this might be stupid but do you like me?", she looked at me with a confused look and said "Of course I like you, what kind of dumb question is that?". Now I know that I'm a guy and men should be tough, but I feel about as insecure as a 14 year old girl going through puberty and I could really use the assertion. She talks about hanging out during christmas and it makes me happy, but she has these chilly moments and i freak out. When I see her online on facebook and she doesn't talk to me, I start obsessing over why she isn't talking to me. It's come to the point where I get a little sick feeling inside my stomach when I think about her, because I have really started to like this girl and I am terrified she doesn't like me as much back or that she doesn't want anything more.

My friends say I should talk to her, ask her point blank "What do you think about us? Do you see a relationship in the future? Do you have feelings for me?". In my mind I think that conversation is going to end it with us and it terrifies me. I thought I should get some perspective by some neutral people first. She has this way of acting that makes me think whenever somebody says "calm down she likes you", but why does she act that way? And when somebody says "She doesn't like you man, move on", I think why does she act that way? I am clueless guys and I could really use some help. I am desperate.

Sorry for rambling, hope it wasn't too long. Thanks for your input in advance.

[bulrush]

Sounds like she wants a casual relationship with you, not more. I've seen this before.

Have fun in Norway! My sister loves Norway and A-ha.

[Noruego]

Should I hang in there and hope that she might want some more one day, or give up?