how do i break up with someone who has hurt me a lot without being hurtful either ?

[peggysue]

ive written already about my circumstances in love forum about my 3yr relationship with a person 35 who has been emotionally abusive for a few months now ,ive really just noticed it more i suppose due to other issues in my life, i still love him but it hurts me to stay with him as its just not good for me any more but i dont want to be a bitch as we have had many good times but there is no future that he will compromise on so it has to end which im finding it so hard to come to terms with. last time we spoke was last week, i started off chatting normal about how was his day etc ,,,and somehow he ended up going mental on me on the phone ,shouting , calling me names etc so hurtful i cant eat nor sleep.i send him a text after (probably a bad idea) about how he had hurt and disrespected me over nothing .ive heard nothing at all from him since. he never apologises it always seems like i call back to break the silence and things just carry on but im sick of it now and have held out with no contact.his lack of contact is making me think he wants me to break it off ,its his controlling manner.i just need to know should i leave it and continue not contacting him, its near xmas and feel its a vulnerable time for him too as i think he has a bit of depression but he is strong enough not to care about my feelings. or should i just arrange to meet him to break it off. im clueless on how to end things or what to say ,where to say it and definitley dont want to be making a fool of myself once again as he always seems to have a way to twist and make me out to be the blame for everything so even though im trying to keep strong and keep thoughts of good times away i need it to end as im just a bag of nerves,upset all the time and feel sick inside,almost afraid of his reaction ...this has been the only major relationship in my life and i dont want it to end too badly but am i just being silly and naive again. a friend has told me to wait to see if he calls and then just say its over because he knows deep down he has behaved badly but cant admit it.
I need to breath and just want to grieve and cry and be done with it and have some closure.
thanks

[bcgirl]

seems like you care too much about his feelings while he doesn't give a damn about yours. Just txt him "i'm breaking up with you, Merry Christmas"

End of story

[Noslen09]

at least have the decency to do it in person. But definitely leave him. You deserve someone who actually cares about and respects you.

[Wakeup]

at least have the decency to do it in person. But definitely leave him. You deserve someone who actually cares about and respects you.

Op; You say he always twist and turns things on you so why would you put yourself in that position again by breaking up with him in person? Doing that is not in YOUR best interests so don't do it. As polite and politically correct that would be, this douche has lost his right to get any further decency and kindness from you.

Just text him: "Since it's obvious that this relationship has run it's course and we've already broken up without saying the actual words.. I'm getting my closure by telling you it's over. Be well." Then do not respond to him again. If you have a habit of letting him keep you around to abuse and use then you'd be best off going zero contact so he can't swindle you into anything further.

Know without a doubt that you're doing the best thing for yourself by ending this and going zero contact because without a doubt you are.

[HeartIsAching]

Why call him or talk to him at all? If he's playing the "silent treatment" game, let him. When he finally gives in and calls you just ask "What do you want?"

[smackie9]

NO CONTACT. Turn to your family for support and to encourage you to stay away from him.....all this hurt and confusion will pass......give it about 2 weeks, and you will start to feel you are reaching the surface, that you can come up for air.