Does he still love his ex?

[dior01]

From past experience I must say that I have never been able to share my heart between 2 people...It has always been just one person at a time.. but I know that not everyone is the same. That being said...

I was dating this guy for a little over 2 months.. I know it seems short but we progressed very very quickly.. I met his family...we were inseparable and we spent every day together... we also texted each other all day long and had talks about kids, marriage and moving to South America together. Obviously these things take time but I thought he was the one. I was engaged before him...and this is the first time since my ex I have been able to love again and open myself up to someone.. didn't even think that was possible while I was still getting over my ex in the past... but it happened and I couldn't have been happier.

So he's got this ex girlfriend of his that he says is a bit psychotic. When we first had the ex talk he seemed over her...he said she dumped him through text 6 months prior..and it was hard for him at first..but then she came back into his life and lied about being pregnant and harassed him for a while...and he got so turned off he was able to move on despite the lack of closure... they hadn't talked since with the exception of her calling him about a month before him and I met to see how he was doing.. he thought maybe one day they would be friends but he didn't care if it happened or not.

This guy never ever gave me a reason to worry. My ex fiancee had cheated on me so, since I have been through the experience, I can honestly say that I never felt a single thing wrong... that's until we changed our relationship statuses on FB.

I know his ex's name so I know she was never on his friend list when we were together. However, he told me he blocked her on FB and I don't think he did. Because right after we changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with ..." he began to get crank calls from a blocked number. He told me he was positive it was his ex because she had a habit of doing that in the past. (something he never mentioned before but I guess he had no reason to) And he was positive it had to do with his relationship status being changed on FB although "he had no idea how she found out" ...shortly after the calls started her and her immature friends tried to add me on FB! I told him about it and blocked them all.. he told me not to worry. (btw she's younger than me.. she's 23, I'm 25, he's 30)

Ok...what I'm about to say next..please don't judge me. I have no reason to lie on here since it's anonymous so I need to be as frank as possible to get an honest response...

I looked through her photos when she tried to add me...This girl was average looking at BEST. I am sooo much prettier than her! The only thing her and I have in common is our dark features...she's Persian, I'm Spanish. However, she looks like she comes from a lot of money..(Gucci, Prada etc) And all her photos were party photos at high-end clubs...with champagne bottles and diamonds and blah blah I don't know if that's what he is attracted to but her and I are total opposites... I don't party. I'm naturally beautiful..no make up, no fancy clothes. I come from a poor immigrant family that had to work very hard...and I'm very family oriented. And even though I'm only 25, I want to get married and have kids. I'm ready for it. I was ready for it with my ex too but he cheated. I cook she doesn't...he used to always tell me that he had to do everything while she whined all the time. I'm very fit..I dance Salsa professionally.. she drinks like a fish, she smokes.. and she eats a lot of chocolate (all things he has told me)

Now a bit about him.. he works out a lot..he's very fit. But he used to be really overweight so he has insecurity issues.. (I wonder if this played a factor in him being so hurt that she dumped him through text..did that make her more attractive to him?) He smokes too..so I guess they have that in common...I think he hated the fact that I didn't like the smell...He is also old school European and very family oriented.. he used to always tell me that he loved that about me..and how I'm the perfect woman..etc Him and I seemed like a much better match from everything he said.. but he also once told me that he is attracted to b***** ...and although I can be very stubborn and stern and dead set in my morals and values... I'm not a b****...in fact when I'm in love, I am over-the-top sweet (I also think that I need to change that about myself) Ok now that you know the background... this is what happened:

THe crank calls change his attitude,.. the last time we saw each other before the calls started.. he told me he had this urge to get me pregnant (we are both mature adults and we would never follow through without being married first) We made love like 20 times in one night and I felt so connected with him... literally DAYS later...he disappeared..didn't answer my calls..and started giving me excuses every day why he was too busy to talk... being cheated on before.. my gut was in overdrive.. I knew something was up.. a few days later he sent me a text basically telling me that his ex has been parked in front of his house for 3 days crying hysterically so he agreed to talk to her...and somehow they KISSED! And now he's confused and needs time to think...then he shuts off his phone for 3 days...I cried so hard..it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! I called him hundreds of times..nothing..no answer..then 3 days passed and I gave up... painfully trying to get through my days...it's been 4 weeks since then.

Ok..so the first 3 weeks.. he would text me randomly every few days and tell me he misses me and he doesn't know how to face me and he would do anything to get me back and he's so sorry blah blah.. so I would meet him, we would talk..we would hug and squeeze each other hard..then a few days later again he would disappear! Then he would have a slew of excuses..and tell me he doesn't know how to get her out of his life, but that I'm the one he wants to be with..he seemed so sincere.... I would cuss him out... he would promise me that it won't happen again..we'd be ok for a few days ..then again the same BS. One time he was supposed to come over to talk...and he blew me off! Never showed up..then again so many excuses.. he told me that she was threatening to kill herself and telling him she wants to marry him and that she won't go away and that he understands if I want nothing to do with him.. so I told him fine I'm done... then a few days would pass.. and either me, or him, would text and we'd end up right in each other's arms again..

About a week ago..he missed my salsa performance..it was huge and I had a ticket for him and I ended up sitting at the couples table alone and performed without him there...it hurt so bad. He missed it because we were fighting so much with all this BS happening that he says "he didn't know if he was still invited" so he never booked the day off work and couldn't get his shift covered. I got drunk that night and cried in the bathroom and texted him a whole bunch of stuff..how I was falling in love with him but I can't go on like this with her in the picture and how I'm gonna find myself a good Spanish boy and let him go.. Well, let me tell you, that must have sparked something in him because the next morning I woke up with a million msgs... saying how he was falling in love with me too..and he's so sorry about everything and he needs to see me.. I gotta say, this was the most effort I had seen in him in the past 4 weeks since this happened..so I agreed to meet him..this was a week ago... he picked me up..we talked for hours...at one point his voice started to break when he told me there's a reason he keeps coming back to me.. then he turned away and lit up a smoke. We made out for hours in his car..omg it felt just like old times.. I thought everything would go back to normal.. the next few days he started texting me every few hours again.. everything felt normal again. He also told me that the ex agreed FINALLY to leave him alone.. because he told her they could be friends.

So his b day was a few days ago..and I told him I was gonna book us a hotel room. (this was only a few days after we decided to work things out) He was acting a bit strange.. I went ahead and booked it anyway not thinking much of it... then the disappearing started again!! We didn't talk for 2 days...just text..and there was only excuses..he said he was feeling sick and he had to go to the doctors..and he was falling asleep early at night (I've heard this before) so I snapped. I told him I'm canceling the hotel cuz I think he's full of it..and cussed him out..through text. He never responded..and we never talked since!!!!! I told him he had to earn my trust back and he couldn't act strange or give me stories anymore..and the fact of the matter is..HE NEVER BOTHERED TO DEFEND HIMSELF or contact me again after that!!!! what ...the....heck....

So the wknd goes by.. I never wished him a happy birthday or anything.. I am friends with his sis on FB...2 nights ago.. (the night of his b day) his sister commented on his mom's picture (I don't have his mom on FB but her profile is open to the public) This is what his sister wrote: !!!!!!! :0 !!!!!!!! (as if she was shocked about something)

When I clicked to see what the picture was.......... IT WAS A PHOTO OF HIM AND HIS EX GIRLFRIEND!! ON HIS PARENTS COUCH (he still lives at home and so does the sister) and he was holding a cake and she was holding balloons!!!!!!!!!!! His face looked miserable... he had an annoyed smile... but then again maybe it's because he didn't want his mom to take a photo...who knows.

His sister and him are best friends..so clearly she didn't know about this because she wouldn't have been so shocked!!! I'm assuming she wasn't there when the ex was there.,. his sister goes away on wknds a lot.

The worst part about it is that he was wearing house clothes and the ex was wearing a track suit..her hair was up and she had very little makeup.. but she had her watch and jewelery on... I'm obviously writing all the details because I'm trying to figure out if she had spent the night there (his bday was on a Sunday and we were supposed to go party the Saturday night) .. plus he always told me his mom hated her and so did the sister...why would his mom post a friggin photo of them together!!!!! His mom doesn't even have her on her friend list!!! Neither does the sis!

I know his ex is psychotic and since she was parked in front of his house for 3 days when she knew he had a girlfriend... I know it's possible she showed up there with a gift and balloons.. but why would she be wearing a tracksuit! Plus why would she assume I wasn't at the house if that's the case...Omg I'm freaking out!

We haven't talked in a week.. and he even admitted to me a few weeks ago.. that when I told him off the last time..he called his ex to talk.. could the same thing have happened again and now they're back together!! People.. we are talking DAYS here since him and I were making out in my driveway!!! How could he tell me all those things and feel all those things..and just days later she's at his house!! Omg did they have sex?? If only you were a fly in his car last wknd to have seen the way he was kissing me and holding me in his car... and now bounces to her!?! Is this what it looks like?? He friggin told me the last time I saw him that he had no feelings left for her...and that he cares about me a lot. ..... sigh...what is happening?

I know I didn't wish him happy bday...but he left things unresolved between us and I had to cancel the hotel room and loose money on my credit card! I was pissed. And I'm actually happy I didn't text him on his b day..cuz guess what..she was at his effin house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Btw... since all of this has been happening...his facebook has been down and he still hasn't put it back up... one last thing..that Saturday before his bday.. I got a bunch of calls from private number..early morning like 10am..and late at night like midnight... no one calls me from private number...noone even has my new cell phone number.... I thought it might have been her but he has a password lock on his phone so how would she get my number.. I also thought it could have been him.. I never answered because I was sleeping..and I haven't had any blocked calls since...

I know when I was still in love with my ex..after we broke up.. I was not able to talk about kids and marriage with anyone new..nor bring a new guy around my family..it hurt too much... plus him and her never lived together ... and they had been broken up for a while... am I just blind here??? What's going on...

Someone pls be brutally honest with me about all of this... I'm SO HURT. (and no..contacting him is not an option after all this...I have my dignity too)

[malteser]

I don't think he knows what he wants. He says she's psychotic yet he phoned her afew weeks back to 'talk'. It seems like he's playing you both. You should tell yourself you're worth more than that and try to move on rather than analysing everything that has gone on over the past couple of months and causing yourself more hurt. He might not necessarily be in love with her but there could be strong feelings there. It might be that he thought he was over her, and had genuine reasons to suggest things like marriage etc with you, but in doing so it made him realise that he's not over her yet. Maybe you tried rushing things and he got scared? Whatever it is I think you need to move on.

[greentea82]

I think you should be happy you were together only 2 months and this happened, not like a year or so. You sound like a smart girl honestly, who doesn't really need to go through the same ordeal twice. I think if I were you, I would just move on from it. I know it's very hard to move on from someone you're very attached too (i've been there) but time does heal all wounds - and obviously if you agree to go back to him and forgive him for all his excuses and lying that he's been doing, he's just going to resort back to this ex girlfriend and play both fields because he can't make up his mind.

Be smart and forget him. I think the best revenge would be to let him know you're seeing someone else and you're happy if he tries to contact you again. Let him see how it feels, even if you're really not seeing anyone. You don't deserve that type of treatment - no one does!

[Cerby]

You were a rebound, and you're so naive to still to not see that now. I'm going to be frank with you, the fact you didn't see that when he started talking about marriage after two months shows that you simply do not understand how to interpret early warning signs. Saying to yourself "its ok, things are progressing quickly because he is the one" is just trying to convince yourself that its ok. Its not.

If you're normally a secure person and something seems like its wrong, then it probably is, and you need to learn to trust your gut.

So in short, he missed his ex and found someone else to take the pain away, thats what a rebound is, just someone to screw around with while you're waiting for your ex to come back or until you're over them enough to properly be single again. You're not a victim because you let it happen, but you'll know better for next time.

As for this a**hole, delete everything about him, don't even give him an explanation of anything. When things go sour with his gf he WILL try to contact you again. Do not answer, do not reply, just clear this relationship right out of your life.



Addition** I know "How I Met Your Mother" is not a great way to learn anything real about relationships. But the "Relationship Time Continuum" rule is actually very smart. In a good relationship you should never speak any further in the future than the total time you've been together. For you, talking about marriage only 2 months in was a huge red flag unless you were planning on getting married in the next two months.

[dior01]

Thanks for the advice everyone... this has been hard for me after what I've been thru with my ex fiancee

Just wanted to add that him and his ex dated for a yr and a half..they did not live together and their families hadn't even met yet..he also told me that they broke up a million times that's why it never progressed to the next level.. until she finally dumped him through text.

It took me 6 months to get over my ex-fiancee of almost 3 yrs ...which I almost had a baby for and lived with and shared everything with (we even have tattoos)

I thought if I was able to do that..his ex would be no issue...especially since she dumped him and they had an off/on relationship.. I mean my ex begged me back after his affair which only made things harder...

Anyways I guess I was wrong.

And while I know the marriage baby talk was early... I had the same talks with my ex 2 months into meeting him and him and I ended up being together for a long time and getting engaged..so I guess I thought it was one of those situations again..because sometimes you can't put a timeline on things...but I guess I was wrong about that too ... I don't date much...and when I have, it usually turned into a long term relationship.. so this is all very foreign to me.. I was not even aware that I was THAT naive as seems to be the general consensus.

[Tanguerra]

Oh boy! First of all it's not unusual to have a really intense connection with someone for a couple of months or so - even talk about the future, getting married, etc. etc. It's pheromones - they're like a drug. They make you crazy (and dreamy and happy and dizzy). Then after a while, the pheromones settle down a bit and you 'sober up'. Usually the guy is the first one to get cold feet, but sometimes it's the girl too. It's terribly upsetting when this happens, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world, let alone the relationship. It's just like the 'hangover' after a great party. It passes.

When girls are upset they like to talk and talk and talk about it. Mostly guys prefer to work it through on their own for a while. This is one of the reasons they pull away. They might even say they want to break the 'whole thing' off. The thing to do when this happens is not to freak out, but just to wait patiently without hassling them until they work it through, start to miss you and come back to you all by themselves. They ALWAYS do (well, most of the time anyway, if they're any good). Where most women go wrong at this point in a new relationship is to panic, act all needy, get all upset and do something silly that will push the guy away, just when he's feeling a bit uncertain about the 'whole' thing. Crank phone calls, text message dumping, pretending to be pregnant, Facebook blocking, threatening suicide, all of that kind of stuff will not get a man back into your life, it will make him think you're 'psychotic' and push him away, but that doesn't seem to figure in the thinking of a 'freaked out' girlfriend.

It's also not unheard of for a guy to LIE about his relationship with his ex (or at least to exaggerate to make himself look good and her look bad). So, it may be that what happened with his ex is exactly what happened with you ... they were together for a certain amount of time, everything was wonderful, then he got all distant on her, she freaked out and started bugging him, stalking him, etc. to the point where they broke up (this is why he thought she was 'psychotic'). Then time worked its magic and he started to miss her again, the rose coloured glasses started to work as they do after a little while. ... That's what the 'breaking up a million times' thing is all about.

It's a magic merry-go-round between him and you two women. He feels attracted to both of you obviously, but then he feels the natural male urge to pull away every now and again when it all gets too 'heavy' and emotionally confusing. When he pulls away, whichever one of the women he's been seeing then freaks out (drunken text messaging, fighting, etc) and they break up. To console himself over the 'break up' he looks up the other one who he now misses because he hasn't seen her for a while - next thing you know it's back on again and round and round you go.

So what to do? The only thing to do in this situation is to remain calm, rational and as poised as possible and take a BIG step back from the whole business. Let him know (very rationally and politely) that this is doing your head in and you need time alone to work out how you feel about him and decide if you really want to keep seeing him or not (he will totally get this, because this is how men operate).

Then absolutely, totally, leave him alone. No stalking, no spying, no texting, no Facebooking, no nothing. Just get on with your life. (Don't hook up with someone else in the meantime!). Give it at least a couple of months (yes really). During that time you need to have a long and serious think about whether you really like this guy all that much after all. You need to decide if this guy has enough emotional maturity to build a proper relationship with in the long term. Ask yourself, do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Really? You need to decide if it's really love or just pheromones at work here. You need to be sure you know how to be happy in yourself with or without this guy in your life. When he sorts himself out and only when he sorts himself out, then you will have some chance of starting over again and having something approaching a mature relationship that will be good for both (or either) of you.

[dior01]

Oh boy! First of all it's not unusual to have a really intense connection with someone for a couple of months or so - even talk about the future, getting married, etc. etc. It's pheromones - they're like a drug. They make you crazy (and dreamy and happy and dizzy). Then after a while, the pheromones settle down a bit and you 'sober up'. Usually the guy is the first one to get cold feet, but sometimes it's the girl too. It's terribly upsetting when this happens, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world, let alone the relationship. It's just like the 'hangover' after a great party. It passes.

When girls are upset they like to talk and talk and talk about it. Mostly guys prefer to work it through on their own for a while. This is one of the reasons they pull away. They might even say they want to break the 'whole thing' off. The thing to do when this happens is not to freak out, but just to wait patiently without hassling them until they work it through, start to miss you and come back to you all by themselves. They ALWAYS do (well, most of the time anyway, if they're any good). Where most women go wrong at this point in a new relationship is to panic, act all needy, get all upset and do something silly that will push the guy away, just when he's feeling a bit uncertain about the 'whole' thing. Crank phone calls, text message dumping, pretending to be pregnant, Facebook blocking, threatening suicide, all of that kind of stuff will not get a man back into your life, it will make him think you're 'psychotic' and push him away, but that doesn't seem to figure in the thinking of a 'freaked out' girlfriend.

It's also not unheard of for a guy to LIE about his relationship with his ex (or at least to exaggerate to make himself look good and her look bad). So, it may be that what happened with his ex is exactly what happened with you ... they were together for a certain amount of time, everything was wonderful, then he got all distant on her, she freaked out and started bugging him, stalking him, etc. to the point where they broke up (this is why he thought she was 'psychotic'). Then time worked its magic and he started to miss her again, the rose coloured glasses started to work as they do after a little while. ... That's what the 'breaking up a million times' thing is all about.

It's a magic merry-go-round between him and you two women. He feels attracted to both of you obviously, but then he feels the natural male urge to pull away every now and again when it all gets too 'heavy' and emotionally confusing. When he pulls away, whichever one of the women he's been seeing then freaks out (drunken text messaging, fighting, etc) and they break up. To console himself over the 'break up' he looks up the other one who he now misses because he hasn't seen her for a while - next thing you know it's back on again and round and round you go.

So what to do? The only thing to do in this situation is to remain calm, rational and as poised as possible and take a BIG step back from the whole business. Let him know (very rationally and politely) that this is doing your head in and you need time alone to work out how you feel about him and decide if you really want to keep seeing him or not (he will totally get this, because this is how men operate).

Then absolutely, totally, leave him alone. No stalking, no spying, no texting, no Facebooking, no nothing. Just get on with your life. (Don't hook up with someone else in the meantime!). Give it at least a couple of months (yes really). During that time you need to have a long and serious think about whether you really like this guy all that much after all. You need to decide if this guy has enough emotional maturity to build a proper relationship with in the long term. Ask yourself, do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Really? You need to decide if it's really love or just pheromones at work here. You need to be sure you know how to be happy in yourself with or without this guy in your life. When he sorts himself out and only when he sorts himself out, then you will have some chance of starting over again and having something approaching a mature relationship that will be good for both (or either) of you.

Amazing advice...

Thanks a million

[Wakeup]

am I just blind here???

Yes you are. Any guy that was in love with You would not go days and days without contacting you.

What's going on...

You know the answer to that.

again the same BS.

Yes, do yourself a favor and don't have anything more to do with his bullsh*t should he happen to call you again and want to bs you more. He'll just screw you 20 more times ~ And, Not in the good way.

Seriously... it doesn't matter what you do strategy wise to try and manipulate this in your favor. He is playing the both of you and chances are high that he will just keep breaking your heart and screwing with your mind if you let him.

This is a very new relationship and you have been each other's rebound. Google "Rebound Relationship" and educate yourself about that dynamic.

When he sorts himself out and only when he sorts himself out, then you will have some chance of starting over again and having something approaching a mature relationship that will be good for both (or either) of you.

Do you really want a guy back that would go weeks without talking to you, then coming back just long enough to have sex with you and then bolting again?. You've been doing that with this man and not paying any attentions to his miserable actions with you. Great sex does not mean love.

Someone pls be brutally honest with me about all of this...

He plays you like a fiddle.

And while I know the marriage baby talk was early... I had the same talks with my ex 2 months into meeting him

Dial it back a bit or you're going to find yourself repeating this parttern over and over again. Forget their words until they show you that their actions match. If the actions don't match then as you said.. it's BS.

Stay away from him. Zero contact, he dumped you to go back to her (once again they're on after being off) He's not going to give up the addiction to her anytime soon.

[Tanguerra]

Amazing advice...

Thanks a million

You're welcome. Hope it helps.

[bulrush]

Ok...what I'm about to say next..please don't judge me. I have no reason to lie on here since it's anonymous so I need to be as frank as possible to get an honest response...

You're right you have to be honest. I won't judge, but I will give an opinion if I see the potential for you to get really hurt later on.

his ex has been parked in front of his house for 3 days crying hysterically so he agreed to talk to her...and somehow they KISSED!

He had a prior relationship with her, and she messed with his emotions. It's partially his fault, but I don't think this is entirely his fault. Now he might feel very guilty, which is why he cannot talk to you.

Then he would have a slew of excuses..and tell me he doesn't know how to get her out of his life, but that I'm the one he wants to be with.

He sounds weak. Be warned, I think this is one of the cheating types. He may not mean to cheat, but he just gets sucked in easily to emotional manipulation.

he told me that she was threatening to kill herself and telling him she wants to marry him and that she won't go away and that he understands if I want nothing to do with him.

She only wants to marry him out of desperation, not because they are compatible. And he feels guilty, because she is manipulating him. I think he really needs your stern help to get away from her.

he missed my salsa performance..it was huge and I had a ticket for him and I ended up sitting at the couples table alone and performed without him there.

Wait. I took salsa dancing classes, and it takes 2 people! WTH?

He also told me that the ex agreed FINALLY to leave him alone.. because he told her they could be friends.

This is another sign of his weakness, something you should watch out for. He should NOT be friends with his ex. He should cut off all communication. He recognizes she is psychotic (I agree) yet he wants to be friends with her?? That's crazy.

Whether he is playing games with you, or is just plain weak and being manipulated by his ex, is not important. His actions are hurting you and you should get away from him. I do not think a weak man is something you want anyway. Even if he would give you a baby.

[dior01]

You're right you have to be honest. I won't judge, but I will give an opinion if I see the potential for you to get really hurt later on.



He had a prior relationship with her, and she messed with his emotions. It's partially his fault, but I don't think this is entirely his fault. Now he might feel very guilty, which is why he cannot talk to you.


He sounds weak. Be warned, I think this is one of the cheating types. He may not mean to cheat, but he just gets sucked in easily to emotional manipulation.


She only wants to marry him out of desperation, not because they are compatible. And he feels guilty, because she is manipulating him. I think he really needs your stern help to get away from her.


Wait. I took salsa dancing classes, and it takes 2 people! WTH?


This is another sign of his weakness, something you should watch out for. He should NOT be friends with his ex. He should cut off all communication. He recognizes she is psychotic (I agree) yet he wants to be friends with her?? That's crazy.

Whether he is playing games with you, or is just plain weak and being manipulated by his ex, is not important. His actions are hurting you and you should get away from him. I do not think a weak man is something you want anyway. Even if he would give you a baby.

Thanks for the advice...but what do you make of the fact that we haven't talked in over a week now.. (longest break since this all happened) and she was at his house on his b day... he was wearing house clothes in the photo..and her a tracksuit. Did they have sex?

You're right I don't want an emotionally weak man who is easily manipulated by his ex, a woman who's got absolutely nothing on me except their history...

So how do I let him go...

This never gets any easier I swear

[dior01]

Oh and about the salsa..

He doesn't dance. I'm part of a professional performance team..and my partner on that team is happily married. I have never given this guy a reason to worry.. although he was a bit jealous at the beginning because I hit the salsa clubs a lot... but i have been doing that even before I became a pro dancer and he has always been invited to come.. after a while it was no longer an issue..and he INSISTED that I get him tickets to all of my shows (5 shows in December) so I did.. and told my choreographer and team that my boyfriend will be attending..so imagine the embarassment.

[dior01]

RE: This is another sign of his weakness, something you should watch out for. He should NOT be friends with his ex. He should cut off all communication. He recognizes she is psychotic (I agree) yet he wants to be friends with her?? That's crazy.

I honestly think he\s getting off at the fact that he's got her groveling after she dumped him thru text in the past.. somehow that high sucked him back in.... I don't see HOW else a man (no matter how weak he is) would let someone from his past ruin what he has with someone he really likes unless he likes what is happening and likes having the upper hand..either that or he still loves her and he blantely lied to my face for over 2 months..

[bcgirl]

He has two girlfriends. His persian girl is girlfriend number 1. And you are girlfriend number 2. Yes....you are number 2. The important times like his birthday.....he chooses to spend it with his primary girlfriend. The hidden make-out sessions in the car and the phone calls when he is alone....he chooses to do it with you. Yes, it sucks....but he isn't a good guy for you. You are a good girl, you need to find a good guy. He is obviously very confused and although he may have said all these negative stuff about his ex...the bottom line is he is attractive to the gucci wearing, booze drinking, party goer. Some people find drama of a person to be exciting and thrilling....maybe this is why he is attracted to a "bitch" personality type. He may think you are sweet and would be a perfect wife and mother....but he is still drawn to a "wild" girl. It's the same way a girl are attracted to "bad boys".

His facebook being down also means that he has something to hide. He is probably telling his persian girlfriend that she is the only woman in his life and that he is changing his relationship status....then he blocked you. Try making up a new fb account and search his name.... see if he pops up.

Also, why not show up at his house and see if he is with her....try showing up on like a saturday evening or friday evening....

Even better..... just forget about him. Dump his azz and don't waste your time.

It's sad because you take his crap every single time. He is with his persian girlfriend for days. You can't reach him by phone because he doesn't pick up your phone calls because he is with his girlfriend. Then when he is not with his girlfriend....he calls you back and makes up some elaborate story of why he couldn't pick up your calls. A fight with his "ex" will last for a few hours MAX! (Then he has time to call you.) Having a good time, cuddling, hanging out, fighting, having make-up sex will last for days.(he won't have time to call you until his "ex" leaves his house which may be in a couple days)

To answer your question about wearing a track suit on his bday on the couch and whether they had sex or not..... well, it's a very very high chance that they probably had sex more than once in this whole time she came back into the picture. You do not put two people who's had emotional and sexual history not too long ago, alone together and not expect them to do anything. If your boyfriend didn't have feelings for his ex, he would simply tell her to F*** off! If she threatens him, and tries to tell him BS about suicide...he picks up the phone and dials 911. It's quite simple and you shouldn't find justifications for his actions and give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely, if you were to talk to his "ex" directly (one-on-one), you may hear a much different story than the one your boyfriend portrayed. There is always two sides of every story.

[dior01]

He has two girlfriends. His persian girl is girlfriend number 1. And you are girlfriend number 2. Yes....you are number 2. The important times like his birthday.....he chooses to spend it with his primary girlfriend. The hidden make-out sessions in the car and the phone calls when he is alone....he chooses to do it with you. Yes, it sucks....but he isn't a good guy for you. You are a good girl, you need to find a good guy. He is obviously very confused and although he may have said all these negative stuff about his ex...the bottom line is he is attractive to the gucci wearing, booze drinking, party goer. Some people find drama of a person to be exciting and thrilling....maybe this is why he is attracted to a "bitch" personality type. He may think you are sweet and would be a perfect wife and mother....but he is still drawn to a "wild" girl. It's the same way a girl are attracted to "bad boys".

His facebook being down also means that he has something to hide. He is probably telling his persian girlfriend that she is the only woman in his life and that he is changing his relationship status....then he blocked you. Try making up a new fb account and search his name.... see if he pops up.

Also, why not show up at his house and see if he is with her....try showing up on like a saturday evening or friday evening....

Even better..... just forget about him. Dump his azz and don't waste your time.

It's sad because you take his crap every single time. He is with his persian girlfriend for days. You can't reach him by phone because he doesn't pick up your phone calls because he is with his girlfriend. Then when he is not with his girlfriend....he calls you back and makes up some elaborate story of why he couldn't pick up your calls. A fight with his "ex" will last for a few hours MAX! (Then he has time to call you.) Having a good time, cuddling, hanging out, fighting, having make-up sex will last for days.(he won't have time to call you until his "ex" leaves his house which may be in a couple days)

To answer your question about wearing a track suit on his bday on the couch and whether they had sex or not..... well, it's a very very high chance that they probably had sex more than once in this whole time she came back into the picture. You do not put two people who's had emotional and sexual history not too long ago, alone together and not expect them to do anything. If your boyfriend didn't have feelings for his ex, he would simply tell her to F*** off! If she threatens him, and tries to tell him BS about suicide...he picks up the phone and dials 911. It's quite simple and you shouldn't find justifications for his actions and give him the benefit of the doubt. Most likely, if you were to talk to his "ex" directly (one-on-one), you may hear a much different story than the one your boyfriend portrayed. There is always two sides of every story.

About the facebook.. I always check from my friend's account (she's friends with his sister so she always checks his sis's friend list to see if he pops up..because I thought about whether or not he blocked me already) ...so I know it's down.. he reactivated it the last time we tried to work things out and posted some hip hop video that basically had the msg: "I found someone better than you".. I thought to myself..why would he post that when she can't see it but whatever..when we fought again...he deactivated his FB again and I've checked since (not from my own profile) and it's not back up...

I guess you're right about the "wild girl b****" thing... in which case there is nothing I can do about it..and I'm not gonna change the way I am either...because there is NOTHING about this girl that makes me even remotely jealous.. I look at ther and I feel like the whole thing is a joke...

I guess ur right about them having sex... I should stop being so naive... just thought that since he lives at home and I've been around his family recently..he'd be more discrete or careful about it..but who's to say he hasn't gone over to her place to do the deed...

Lastly... you're right...I don't know about dialing 911 because I don't think I'd ever be able to be that cold towards my ex either... but if he really wanted to, he would have gotten rid of her when it got out of hand... I know my ex would have never been able to get in between us.. and that's because I have a much stronger character than this guy..when I made the decision to walk away for good... it really was for good.. I was giving him the same credit.... but I guess he's not me and he's not a real man or an honest man for that matter