Best Friends "The One?"

[MeLewis]

Hello all, I have a situation that I would like some feedback on.
I am not looking for a "Cure-all" but rather would just appreciate your opinion, good or otherwise.

Growing up as a young lad, my mother would take me on weekend vacations to some family friends a couple hours away. It was about 14 years ago when I met one of the most interesting people in my life. Lets call her D, and our families go way back. Her father and my father used to be best friends growing up, and our families have been intertwined ever since. I know now that there was a period in our friendship when she had feelings for me, but sadly this was when I though girls were gross and had cooties. When I lost a brother to suicide, her family moved out closer to us to make sure we were okay, and that was when I knew I had feelings for D. That was about 6 years ago, and ever since then I haven't been able to look at my best friend the same. I am young and stupid (Pushing 20), but there is something about her that stirs up emotions I have never felt before. I admit that I am still a slave to my hormones, but this is nothing like I have felt for any of the other girls in my life.
I know that I love her, and I very well may be in love with her. I am pretty sure she is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know that is a dangerous road to travel, and I know that I shouldn't put all my eggs into one basket (and trust me I wouldn't, if I wasn't so sure of how I felt), but she means the world to me. I have a marvelous friendship with her and her family, and I wouldn't want to change that for the world.

Last year she had a freak soccer accident that left her with a concussion and a bout of amnesia. She lost minor functions of her brain, and is sensitive to bright lights and loud sounds. I visited her and her family for a week after my finals ended, and she is back up to 75% where she was before the accident. I am very thankful that she could pull through when there are many others out there that can't.

Every year on the 4th of July, there is a camp that our families go to. The only thing I look forward to is seeing her (her family moved back to their hometown about 4 years ago). We usually keep pretty well in touch, and two years ago, I was sure that I was going to let her know how I felt towards her. I get to camp, eager and excited, only to find out that she when to a vacation to Washington D.C. I was bummed, to say the least, and told myself that it was a sign that we were supposed to stay friends. This last year, I got this girlfriend, and I invited her to stay at my house during the 4th of July because I didn't want to get disappointing at camp again. Granted, I have not spoke with D since the year before, and didn't know that she got in a freak soccer accident. My mother comes back from camp and tells me that there is bad news she needed to tell me, so I sent my girlfriend on her way and braced myself for the bad news.
My mother told me of D's accident, and for the first time since my brother died, I fell to my knees sobbing and I didn't even know why. It was a instant reaction to hearing the news, it was like losing someone close to me all over again.

My mother told me that she was experiencing a little amnesia and couldn't remember a lot of people, but when my mom got to camp, D was standing in our usual camping spot, waiting for me to get out of the car. This again, sent me into a torrent of tears. My best friend needed me to be there for her, but I was too selfish to see it.
I broke things off with my girlfriend because I knew right there that she was not the girl for me. And set off to college (which is only an hour away from D), promising to visit her until she is 100% better.

After finals, I was getting ready to check out of my dorm room, only to find out that there was a major snow storm that left over a foot of snow over night, and the mountain passes to drive home were all blocked until further notice. So I called them up and asked if I could stay with them until the reads cleared up. I check out of my dorm, and set out to there house, and find my usual spot in their guest room. D decides that she wants to attempt to make chicken cordon bleu. I offer to help and I am put on salad duty. Dinner was amazing (the salad was the best part in my opinion), and we all sit around the television as the intro to Ghostbusters plays. D offers to make hot cocoa for everyone and sets off to the kitchen once again. About 5 minutes later, she comes back with a platter and several mugs sitting on top. She hands them out one by one, but then something happens that makes my heart jump. She hands out Christmas mugs to everyone and even herself, but I get a mug covered in hearts and it said "Somebody loves you" along to rim. I thought to myself, "this has to be a coincidence, she probably didn't have enough Christmas mugs for everyone."

The next night she makes hot tea for everyone, and everyone gets a different mug. This time I got a pink mug... covered in hearts, and in the middle of each heart was the words, "Love is forever". I don't know what to think at this point, but I can most likely rule it out as a coincidence.

The next night I get back to their place after helping her dad at work, only to walk in as she is walking out to go on a date. I felt very crappy. I was thinking about the mugs all day, only to get back to find her going on a date with someone. "What do the mugs mean?" I asked myself over and over again while i was eagerly waiting for her to get back from the date.

I truly have strong feelings for her, and I will always love her as my best friend. I didn't know what this feeling was before, but I am pretty sure that it is love.

Thank you all who have read this far, I am sorry it took so long to get my story out there. But if you could please leave your feedback, opinions, or thoughts on my situation, or if you have further questions; please ask - It would be most appreciated.

Sincerely,
MeLewis

[IndiReloaded]

Not really a sad story, just a beginning. If you want. Ask her out on a date, especially if she is going out on other ones. Faint heart never won fair maiden, and all that.

How crappy will you feel if you had a shot and missed it through your indecision? Just ask her already, Tiger. The fact she is dating means nothing. Good luck.

[MeLewis]

That is exactly what I wanted to hear. I am tired of living my life in the "what if" and tired of using the excuse "i don't want to ruin the friendship". I know I love her and my indecision is not fair to the both of us.

[bulrush]

but I get a mug covered in hearts and it said "Somebody loves you" along to rim.

Hinty hint hint. She likes you! This was no coincidence. So what are you waiting for? Take a chance, it could be really wonderful. Date her and get to know her. Keep in mind that brain damage can change a person's personality a bit. So you want to make sure you are still attracted to her.

[Miss_winter]

Yes, you should ask her out on a date. I was in a similar situation, falling in love with my best friend of 7 years. I took that chance, and now we're together. So, good luck!

[HeartIsAching]

She's not exactly throwing herself at you, and it appears she's not exactly fantastic at communication... but it's pretty clear she likes you.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh? Go for it.

Oh... and being with your best friend as a partner as well can be amazing. My wife isn't just my wife, she's my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my other half.

[MeLewis]

In response to bulrush,

I have known her for close to 14 years, and I have had strong feelings for her for 6 of them. I thank you for your input, but these feelings I am having are not solely directed by my teenage hormones. Yes, I am attracted to her - that is important in any relationship. But that is not why I fell in love with her. Her having a brain injury did not change the way she acted around me, and it seemed when she forgot most of her friends, I was one of the friends that she remembered. It tugs at my heart to think that she might like me, but it terrifies me because I am afraid of not having her in my life if she does not feel the same. I would not allow that to happen, I would rather have her in my life as a friend that not in my life at all.
Thank you for your concern,
MeLewis

[BackUpOrGetStng]

"...it terrifies me because I am afraid of not having her in my life if she does not feel the same. I would not allow that to happen, I would rather have her in my life as a friend that not in my life at all."

The words of a doormat, if I've ever heard them. You would not rather have her as a friend than not at all, you just don't know it yet. If she doesn't return your feelings, and doesn't want to remain friends(who gives a shit, at that point), then what's the big loss? Sure she seems like an okay friend, but it doesn't seem like she adds very much to your life. Sounds like you're just hung up on her. Ask her out, and if she says no stop talking to her for a few months, start going after other girls, and see if you still want to talk to her again after living life without her.

[MaidenMinx]

Ask her out! Do it! Do it!! DO IT!!!!!