Boyfriend doesn't want to spend New Year's Eve with me?

[Michipichi]

Me and my bf have been together for 2 years. He is the type of guy who is very independent and has a lot of friends and likes to have fun and cares more about his friends than about me..
When I asked him a couple of weeks ago where are we going to spend NY eve, he said he doesn't know.. I asked him again..the same.. then a few days ago he admited that he doesnt want to spend it with me and that he wants to go somewhere with his friends and be with them and drink and have fun. Last year we spent it together, so I was surprised to hear that.
I told him I wish we would spend it together and that I would like to come too, but he said no, that I should spend it with my friends.
I know he's not cheating because at the party there will be some people I know and he knows that they would tell me if he were with someone else, so I dont think there is another girl. He just wants to drink and have fun without me.. I love him so much and I dont want to break up with him but it's just sad for me to see that he doesnt want me there
Do you think that this is normal? What would you do?
Thanks a lot!

[Tanguerra]

I would just say 'Fine. No problem! See you next year.' If he wants some space, give it to him. If everything else is otherwise OK between you, let him have this if he wants it. What did you guys do last year? Maybe he was bored? Maybe he has no desire to repeat the experience? If he did what you wanted last year, why not let him do what he wants this year? That's fair, isn't it?

You have to have an independent life anyway and be able to go out with your friends and have a good time now and again. Being clingy, emotionally dependent and demanding is very unattractive and is a total turn off for men. Men need some space sometimes and need to be able to 'blow off steam' now and again without female company otherwise they go 'nuts'. It's a guy thing. It's OK.

[pisces25]

has a lot of friends and likes to have fun and cares more about his friends than about me..

I would be upset if my BF didn't want to spend NYE with me. And if there are going to be people at that party that you both know, why on earth does he not want you there?

Sounds like he just uses you for when it is convenient for him. I wouldn't be with someone like that.

[bcgirl]

Men need some space sometimes and need to be able to 'blow off steam' now and again without female company otherwise they go 'nuts'. It's a guy thing. It's OK.

totally untrue. My hubby is VERY clingy and I love it because I'm the same way. I'm not saying we have no friends and no social life apart from each other....but we are both home bodies who find it comforting to be in the presence of each other. It's just our personalities. We've never partied on new years without each other....who else are you gunna kiss when the clock strikes 12?

I think it really depends on the individual's character. He is very independant, an extrovert, has many friends and you may be quite the opposite. This relationship won't be a good match in the long run. You'll forever crave his affection and he'll forever wish that he just had time without you. If you have two people that are independant and extroverts, it would be good because petty fights won't arise over situations like this. When you have two introverts who like the stability and security of their partners (like me and my hubby) it's good because one won't make plans and upset the other. I used to be in a relationship with a guy who was very social and had many friends and wanted to spend weekends without me....that relationship was a disaster.

It's not normal that he doesn't want to spend NYE with his own girlfriend. It's like saying he doesn't want to see you on Xmas. It's the holidays. You spend it with loved ones. Is he embarrassed of bringing you out with his friends or something? Really mean that he just straight up said "no i don't want YOU coming". Maybe he just really craves to get wasted and do drugs and he doesn't want you do find out about it or nag at him about it....

[Wakeup]

I love him so much and I dont want to break up with him but it's just sad for me to see that he doesnt want me there

Will he be spending Christmas with you?

Do you think that this is normal?

It's normal for guys to want to do things apart from their partners once and a while, and it's healthy for the relationship to miss one another once and a while and have separate interests etc. But to ditch you on New Years. Well, I don't think that he values you very much. to leave you on New Years Eve.

What would you do?

I'd go out with my friends and try to have a good time without him while I paid very close attention to his actions towards me from there on in because I'd be thinking that he didn't value me much and if his actions kept on being of a devaluing nature, I'd leave him because I know I deserve someone who is appreciating me as much as I appreciate them.

It's a guy thing. It's OK.

What? Not on a major event like New Years Eve it's Okay! There isn't a woman out there (at least not one that wasn't wanting to ditch her bf that night too) that would accept that it was Okay to not be with him on that night. IMO: Him not wanting to be with you on NYE is a red flag.

[bcgirl]

What? Not on a major event like New Years Eve it's Okay! There isn't a woman out there (at least not one that wasn't wanting to ditch her bf that night too) that would accept that it was Okay to not be with him on that night. IMO: Him not wanting to be with you on NYE is a red flag.

I agree. Big red flag. And it's not a "guy" thing either. Any guy would be upset if their own girlfriend would tell them "i don't want to spend NYE with you". It's just plain rude and selfish and unloving.

[Boisdevie]

I am planning to spend Xmas and the New Year with my GF because she's important to me. Sounds like you BF doesn't really care does he?

[smackie9]

This relationship is on it's way out. You are such a cling-on to him, this is just the start of him trying to shake you off his leg. The writing is on the wall.

[Wakeup]

This relationship is on it's way out.

Agree.

You are such a cling-on to him,

no evidence of that.

this is just the start of him trying to shake you off his leg. The writing is on the wall.

Agree again.

[smackie9]

The cling on thing was meant to be his perspective of her.

[slantedhalo20]

Ok. So after reading this, Im not spending New Year with my boyfriend? Its a different situation entirely, and we are having problems yes. But I want to go to a party with my friends, he dosnt want to go, he wants to sit at home with his parents (which we did last year) so, Im going with my friends and hes stopping in. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I dont think so. I want to spend it with him, but hes the one not compromising (I did last year, I didnt go to a friends party because we went to his parents).

He has told me I cant go - but Ive decided to actually put my foot down and go.

Maybe hes worried about you? The "You should spend it with your friends" comment, makes it seem he is trying to make sure you stay in touch with your friends? Do you see them often? Or maybe hes worried he dosnt see his friends much? I would necessarily say its a "red flag" but thats just me, I dont find New Years a big deal.

[slantedhalo20]

*wouldnt - slight typo there

[iamminzy]

Well like you said he has a lot of friends and likes to hang out with them and he cares more about them than you.... THats a big Red Flag.. MY ex was like that before and liked to hang out with his friends and care more about other people than about his own gf cuz he is an attention -whore. I think you should take a deeper look and ask yourself does he care about? Is he controlling? Does he let you decide what you want to do or does he decide for you? Has he ignored your request when you wanted to do something like shopping, movies, dinner? etc? My ex didn't want to go to Fisherman Wharf with me because he said there's nothing to do and it's boring... I asked several times. but he said no... He doesn't see the picture of quality time and spending time together and find it boring... He wants me to do the things he does, but won't return the favor. So i broke up with him.

If your situation is like that.. then you need to think about breaking up because you don't want to be the one hurting and trying to reason with him when he won't cooperate or care about your feelings.

[Wakeup]

Ok. So after reading this, Im not spending New Year with my boyfriend? Its a different situation entirely, and we are having problems yes. But I want to go to a party with my friends, he dosnt want to go, he wants to sit at home with his parents (which we did last year) so, Im going with my friends and hes stopping in. Does that make me a bad girlfriend? I dont think so. I want to spend it with him, but hes the one not compromising (I did last year, I didnt go to a friends party because we went to his parents).

He has told me I cant go - but Ive decided to actually put my foot down and go.

Maybe hes worried about you? The "You should spend it with your friends" comment, makes it seem he is trying to make sure you stay in touch with your friends? Do you see them often? Or maybe hes worried he dosnt see his friends much? I would necessarily say its a "red flag" but thats just me, I dont find New Years a big deal.

You two sound totally incompatible. Thats a red flag in itself.

[IndiReloaded]

Trying to make a square peg fit a round hole...