what did I do wrong?

[MynameisJesus]

Just went out as usual on friday night.
There's a hot girl at the bar. She's attractive but I don't really know her. She's 18 I'm 25.
She used to work at the bar and I felt like she found me attractive based on our short talks, but since she's a bar girl and trained to be friendly you never know.

I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and today she was there as a visitor. I ordered a drink and caught her looking at me 4 times in 5 minutes.
I thought I might have a chance and stepped up to her for some chat.

A few minutes later I said I didn't know many people in the bar and was leaving to a different place. Asked her if she was gonna join me so we could dance, in a witty way (that's how I perceive it at least).
She smiled but didn't respond and left short after it.

I ran into her a bit later and she even avoided eye contact with me when I stood in front of her.

Did I scare her with the dancing thing or am I just not her type? It confuses me

[Noslen09]

If by "dance" you mean to sleep with her, then yes, you probably freaked her out.

[MynameisJesus]

If by "dance" you mean to sleep with her, then yes, you probably freaked her out.

I don't think that was how she perceived it. But even if it was, I want to make my intention clear and I don't think I offended her. Making your intention clear is important on the dating scene, right?

In the past I always friend zoned myself with women because I thought that showing any sexual interest in them was offensive. I talked and talked and ended up being the emo friend.
Now I just asked her to join me. Gave her a wink too
I don't know if I totally blew up in her mind, or I am not her type. Or I am her type but she wants me to slow down. Thought I did a good job until that moment.
If you run into someone and they avoid eye contact with you as if they haven't seen you that says a lot to me.

[bcgirl]

did you have bad breath when you talked to her?

[Noslen09]

did you have bad breath when you talked to her?

Or maybe olives stuck between the teeth

[MaidenMinx]

maybe she doesn't like to dance and found you presumptuous. Or maybe she just found you presumptuous..

You would have been better off saying "I've enjoyed talking to you and am off to (insert name of other place). I'd love to see you there later if you aren't busy"

[MynameisJesus]

maybe she doesn't like to dance and found you presumptuous. Or maybe she just found you presumptuous..

You would have been better off saying "I've enjoyed talking to you and am off to (insert name of other place). I'd love to see you there later if you aren't busy"

That line about positive confirmation and seeking her approval is what I always did and it made me just a friend.
" maybe we could (=I am insecure and I depend on you).. In case you have time (= giving her the lead).. I'd really love to (=I am desperate)". All these lines display insecurity to me so I avoid them.
Yes they would make her feel comfortable but making someone feel comfortable and appreciated is not what evokes attraction in women based on my experience, it's what I always did. I just wanted to be more decisive and confident in my approach without being rude.
I'm not sure if presumptuous is a bad way of being perceived. I want to be seen as someone who goes for it.
I didn't have bad breath by the way but I had been drinking quite a bit

[MaidenMinx]

Presumptuous = rude for further information....

[bulrush]

1. Sometimes a girl just wants to look. Don't take it personally.

2. I don't often ask a girl something when I think they are interested. I say something like "Let's have a drink at the booth over there." Some girls like when a guy takes charge.

[Love'sReject]

That line about positive confirmation and seeking her approval is what I always did and it made me just a friend.
" maybe we could (=I am insecure and I depend on you).. In case you have time (= giving her the lead).. I'd really love to (=I am desperate)". All these lines display insecurity to me so I avoid them.

That blew my mind...If women really dissect little things like how we guys phrase our invitations, man, I am doomed.

[MynameisJesus]

it probably won't take long before women shoot me for this and deny everything I state below but I'll say it anyway

That blew my mind...If women really dissect little things like how we guys phrase our invitations, man, I am doomed.

No woman will admit that she dissects these things. In fact, no woman is aware of the fact that she does because it happens subconsciously.
But they are very receptive for spotting insecurity and everything in that line displays insecurity and a lack of leadership.

If a man asks a woman for feedback, 90% of women I know describe the nice guy who does everything that their logical reasoning considers respectful.
You could laugh at the comparison but it really is like the relationship between a dog and his boss. Dogs keep making clear what they want the boss to do. Any form of attention. A dog asking for a cookie is like a woman asking you for flowers or just something that shows your appreciation.

If the boss keeps doing what the dog wants, the dog will disrespect him because the dog is in charge and not the owner. Women totally piss on a guy that does what they want and therefore the "ask a female" - thread is totally misleading for guys who want to attract women

Maidenmix is like the dog. Says what she wants a man to do just like the majority of women on this forum.
The thing is that what women "want" and what women are attracted to are exact opposite things and therefore asking women for dating advice is pointless. Women send you down the wrong path. You'll see hot girls telling you to be nice and they have sex with complete assholes because they refuse to do what women "want"

Time will show you that women don't fall for guys who do what they want them to do. Disagree with most things they say. Don't buy them flowers. Find a football game more important than a romantic dinner. Never ask for their permission which is the opposite of what maidenmix tells you to do

Only unattractive women who can't have high quality men fall for a pushover that does all these things. It probably won't take longer than ten minutes before women shoot me for saying this but that's how I see it.

Obviously you can get dumped being overconfident in your approach like me tonight, but I still believe it is the way to go.

[asdfg789]

it probably won't take long before women shoot me for this and deny everything I state below but I'll say it anyway

No woman will admit that she dissects these things. In fact, no woman is aware of the fact that she does because it happens subconsciously.
But they are very receptive for spotting insecurity and everything in that line displays insecurity and a lack of leadership.

If a man asks a woman for feedback, 90% of women I know describe the nice guy who does everything that their logical reasoning considers respectful.
You could laugh at the comparison but it really is like the relationship between a dog and his boss. Dogs keep making clear what they want the boss to do. Any form of attention. A dog asking for a cookie is like a woman asking you for flowers or just something that shows your appreciation.

If the boss keeps doing what the dog wants, the dog will disrespect him because the dog is in charge and not the owner. Women totally piss on a guy that does what they want and therefore the "ask a female" - thread is totally misleading for guys who want to attract women

Maidenmix is like the dog. Says what she wants a man to do just like the majority of women on this forum.
The thing is that what women "want" and what women are attracted to are exact opposite things and therefore asking women for dating advice is pointless. Women send you down the wrong path. You'll see hot girls telling you to be nice and they have sex with complete assholes because they refuse to do what women "want"

Time will show you that women don't fall for guys who do what they want them to do. Disagree with most things they say. Don't buy them flowers. Find a football game more important than a romantic dinner. Never ask for their permission which is the opposite of what maidenmix tells you to do

Only unattractive women who can't have high quality men fall for a pushover that does all these things. It probably won't take longer than ten minutes before women shoot me for saying this but that's how I see it.

Obviously you can get dumped being overconfident in your approach like me tonight, but I still believe it is the way to go.

Huh ? if you think all this then why bother posting your initial question in a "ask a female" section ??

[Love'sReject]

it probably won't take long before women shoot me for this and deny everything I state below but I'll say it anyway



No woman will admit that she dissects these things. In fact, no woman is aware of the fact that she does because it happens subconsciously.
But they are very receptive for spotting insecurity and everything in that line displays insecurity and a lack of leadership.

If a man asks a woman for feedback, 90% of women I know describe the nice guy who does everything that their logical reasoning considers respectful.
You could laugh at the comparison but it really is like the relationship between a dog and his boss. Dogs keep making clear what they want the boss to do. Any form of attention. A dog asking for a cookie is like a woman asking you for flowers or just something that shows your appreciation.

If the boss keeps doing what the dog wants, the dog will disrespect him because the dog is in charge and not the owner. Women totally piss on a guy that does what they want and therefore the "ask a female" - thread is totally misleading for guys who want to attract women

Maidenmix is like the dog. Says what she wants a man to do just like the majority of women on this forum.
The thing is that what women "want" and what women are attracted to are exact opposite things and therefore asking women for dating advice is pointless. Women send you down the wrong path. You'll see hot girls telling you to be nice and they have sex with complete assholes because they refuse to do what women "want"

Time will show you that women don't fall for guys who do what they want them to do. Disagree with most things they say. Don't buy them flowers. Find a football game more important than a romantic dinner. Never ask for their permission which is the opposite of what maidenmix tells you to do

Only unattractive women who can't have high quality men fall for a pushover that does all these things. It probably won't take longer than ten minutes before women shoot me for saying this but that's how I see it.

Obviously you can get dumped being overconfident in your approach like me tonight, but I still believe it is the way to go.

Women are paradox, great. Can't wait for cyborgs, then.

[MynameisJesus]

Huh ? if you think all this then why bother posting your initial question in a "ask a female" section ??

It is because I asked thousands of females for advice during the years that I see it that way.
And very occasionally there's a woman who tells me these things in honesty.
Doesn't mean I don't value their opinions of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here. I just keep in mind that giving women all they want, which is what they describe in the section, does not lead to success. I find the forum useful to find out what women generally want, but I don't just copy it to attract them

[Cerby]

All this talk about what women say and mean. Did it occur to you that she just wasn't interested? You're dissecting this situation, so saying that women are only guilty of it is a little hypocritical when guys quite often do the same.

Did it occur to you that she just wasn't interested?