Honest opinions on something that perplexes me!

[yuna2903]

Ok, This may or may not be an issue but for what ever reason it has been bothering me. So I figured I would type it out, get some advice, and hopefully drop it.

I have been dating this guy for about 8 months and for the most part everything has been great. We both had gotten out of long term relationships shortly before we met.

Here is the thing.

I know that if you were in a long term relationship before me that there are going to be things you've done already with your ex that you probably would do with me now, I understand that. But why do significant others feel compelled to tell you that you are the only one they experience these things with, when you clearly are not.

The other day I was watching some of his old family videos with him because he was in the process of converting all the VHS to DVD. We had some laughs over the many hairstyles he experimented with back then when he said: "You should feel privileged, I don't let anyone see these, not even my ex has seen them."

Yea...well I remember back when I was still friends with his ex, she had a blog that was dated quite some time back, and I remember one of her entries mentioned how they spent the day at his parent's watching all the old family videos...OK so the fact that they saw that together does not bother me, in fact it's a given considering they were together for so long (8 years), but why would he go out of his way to say I'm the first? There are a couple of other instances where this has happened, and frankly it does kind of worry me that he would say these things when I know they are not true. I have to pick your brains and ask why someone would go out of their way to make a statement like that, when in retrospect they really didn't have to say anything and the moment would have been fine as is.

[bcgirl]

Maybe he allowed his ex to see all the other videos except the one with him in different hairstyles??

[yuna2903]

I just looked back to see if that was the case, but she had mentioned funny moments about every video they watched, so I know she has seen them all. I just don't get why he would say that. It irks me a little, because now I'm wondering what else he might have said that might not be necessarily true.

[bcgirl]

why not call him out on it next time. Not in a mean tone, but just say "hey, I knew your ex and she told me that she watched the video" or whatever the subject is. Then he'll have to explain himself. Perhaps it's something innocent and he truly forgot or thinks that you were the only girl he allowed to watch that video. Do you ever compare your relationship to theirs or get insecure about their past? Maybe he feels as though he needs to say things like that to exaggerate that he is completely over his ex.

[yuna2903]

I will admit, I am a little intimidated about the past relationship he had, and I do catch myself comparing our relationship with his past one, but I've never voiced this concern to him, unless it's written all over my face, I don't know. It could just be that he forgot she saw them, her blog post was dated a long time ago. I guess I am over thinking this, something I need to work on with myself. I don't know why I can't just relax!

[smackie9]

I'm gonna go with he forgot. You should be happy that you both are enjoying these moments together. You are newly in love and that makes you start doubting every little thing....it will pass once the one year mark hits and the infatuation wears off.

[bcgirl]

What is more the concern is your insecurities with his past long-term relationship with your ex friend. You will forever compare your relationship to his last one and constantly wonder if yours is better than what they had. It's always best when you never knew your partner's ex.

[Hookahmike]

We're kind of simple at times, we'll look for something thats in our hand or pocket, if it happened a long time ago he probably forgott

[bulrush]

Maybe he thinks you are insecure and he wants you to feel special. Guys often try to "fix things", and sometimes lie to do it, just to make their gf feel special. It's like a white lie. But if it bothers you it bothers you, so talk to him about it.