How to...?

[MaidenMinx]

I've noticed a lot of people that come to this forum seeking help with jealousy and other similar issues and are told "you're insecure. Get help" or words to that effect.

Therapy can be hard to get into and/or expensive. I'm wondering if anyone has some tips for how to become more secure and develop trust for those that don't have first hand access to therapy?

My first tip for people would be to take note of your expectations. Often insecurity can occur when there is a discrepancy between what we expect of others or ourselves and the reality. Becoming aware of unrealistic expectation and accepting the reality of things can go a long way to reducing insecurity.

Any other tips?

[DonJuanInc]

I don't know about Australia, but in Canada there is free therapy and walk in counseling services available in any major city. Obviously private care is much better, but hey, it helps.

I define confidence as your belief in your ability to deal with challenges. If you're insecure it usually means you don't believe you can handle a change in circumstance, only way to get over this is to take a leap and come out on top. The more reference experience you build supporting the belief that you're a capable person the less insecure you will be.

[Wakeup]

IMO, jealousy does not come out of insecurity but rather it stems from the feeling of being out of control. People who think that they need to control their partner (whether they're controlling sub-concciously or consciously) get jealous when they feel the control slipping away from them. e.g. when his/her partner is away, they have no control over what he/she does... the angst presents a jealousy.

The more controling personality, the more jealous they seem to be in my observations.

Letting go and believing that your partner can survive on his/her own, having uncrossible relationship boundaries in place that you've discussed and both agree to, and knowing (understanding the concept) that the only person you have 100% control over is yourself will help you to get rid of that angst that presents as jealousy.

[MaidenMinx]

wonderful tips so far.

As for Australias mental health system, it's fantastic. That doesn't help Americans that are in this boat and I started this thread for general assistance.

Wake up, from my understanding of control issues, they stem from insecurity. The feeling like everything will fall apart if the person isn't in control of everything leaves them feeling anxious snf insecure. Rather than accept that all they can control is themselves they feel like if they can control everything around them they willl ultimately be safe (and therefore secure).